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Getting over your ex


Istilllovehim

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I came on here out of desperation. I lost all my friends when I was in a relationship and my ex broke up with me for stupid reasons that didn't make sense to me (all of the things he complained about occurred when I was undergoing treatment for leukemia) . I felt alone, sad, depressed, and pretty suicidal. Everything I had looked forward to during the miserable period I was fighting cancer had to do with him. I was excited to live life once I got better with a whole different perspective with him. I had some weird idea that God was testing my relationship with him, but at the end we would be happier than ever (I still feel this way but obviously he wasn't the love of my life like I thought). When I had first met my ex I had a compelling feeling the second I met him that he was going to be the one I got married to. Reality sucked once I got better. I would sometimes wish to go back to undergoing treatment..at least I had him by my side. I didn't care about my family, my little brother, my cousins who had all counted on me to get better. My parents were understandably upset that I was better, but more down than they had ever seen me.

 

Now this isn't something I am telling anyone to do. You won't get your ex back this way. You'll push him/her so far away that you won't know if the person you loved even existed, but this is what I needed to accept he wasn't going to be in my life anymore. I didn't want him to ever come in my life and hurt me as much as he was again. I loved my ex more than anything, more than life itself. I would pray for him before I ever prayed for myself. I would stress over his exams, school, like it was my own. His problems were mine. His happiness was my happiness. If he ever went out I couldn't sleep until I knew he was home safe. I loved him endlessly, and to be completely honest I still love him, but in a completely different way.

 

I called and begged. I called and would pour my heart out crying terribly. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. For almost 4 months I told him the immense amount of pain I was in. I justified the things he complained about, with him having no remorse. I didn't care that I was making a fool out of myself. Seeing the harsh side of them that didn't care an ounce about me made it real. It helped me let go. I knew my pride would kick in eventually but for now I had no pride. I was too in love. Seeing the disgusting way he treated me after I had just recovered from cancer, made me let go of the memories I was holding on to. A person that he no longer was. It helped me let go of the promises forever, it helped me let go of the sweet words that were said. I finally came to the conclusion that I had loved someone else, and he no longer was that person. The way he treated me while I was hurting and calling him, made me feel like I loved a monster. Every word he said was something that the person I loved would never have in him to say to me. The last convo I had with him I asked if he wanted to talk to other girls and he said for sure. I was okay. After the four months of him pushing me away, I had gotten immune to the things he was saying. I saw through his fakeness, him calling me baby and then saying sorry *my name* to hurt me. I couldn't believe I had trusted he would never want to hurt me like this. He knew how badly I was hurting, but he was still playing mind games!

 

Calling him over and over and begging him helped me get over my ex. It left no room for him to come back. I would never allow someone who treated me so badly back into my life. I didn't want him back anymore. I still have fond thoughts of our relationship while it was good, but they are mostly replaced with the cruel way he treated me once I got better from cancer. I no longer feel that life isn't worth living, instead I feel lucky that God showed me the heartless side to him. I'm a lot happier being sure of the fact I never want someone like that in my life.

 

 

So if you really don't want to reconcile things with your ex, but are just struggling to get over them..do what you gotta do to come to the realization of what kind of person they can be/ are, even if it means begging or making a fool out of yourself. Sometimes you have to drop all the way down to the lowest to pick yourself up.

 

I hope all of you can overcome your loss. There is better out there for you. Love doesn't ever need to be this painful. Be sincere, be humble, and be honest you will get what you deserve as your exs will get what they deserve. Leave that to God. And remember your own pain the next time you breakup with someone and try to be understanding, give explanations, don't go from loving them hard one day and treating them like no one the next.. No one deserves that.

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I know a lot of people are going to disagree with you on here. They will say to keep your integrity. Just go NO CONTACT. But i feel when you do that, it leaves you with a lot of 'wondering'.....and you hang on to 'the good times'.

 

When i read your posts, i remembered my breakup, and the feelings that went with it. I felt your pain, cuz it had been my pain also. I cried every day for 4 months...just not to him, cuz he wouldn't answer my phone calls! lol

 

I did call his work once, and they put him on the phone. It was when i was in my deepest depression. He told me he wanted to meet me....but he didn't. It was just to 'snap' me out of my depression! HA!

 

I remember when it was ending, and he was saying the mean things. (We had been engaged and planning a wedding and he met another woman!) I asked if he loved her, and he said "yes, i think i do".

 

Eh, that pretty much ended it for me, and knew it was over. But it took a couple of YEARS before i felt i wasn't still 'in love' with him. I could go on and on....but this is your thread!

 

I always said, everyone is different. Everyone handles grief in different ways. Every time i talked to him, it HELPED me to get over him, because i got the "i don't want you" reaffirmed in my head!

 

Good Luck. It's a long haul for some of us. I too thought HE WAS THE ONE. And i was in my 50's and had been married 20 years prior. Lots of people on here say, "eh, walk away", or it took me 2 months to get over it. Well, all my prior relationships that is how it was too! 2 weeks later, I'd be back out in the dating world.

 

This guy was totally different. And you going thru your cancer is making it doubly hard! Just keep thinking, "I am a survivor. I survived cancer, i can survive this! AND THRIVE!

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Exactly! Everytime he was a jerk the skewed image of him in my head got shattered. And that was exactly what I needed . I honestly don't feel the same way either since he mentioned wanting to date other girls for sure, combined with the fact that I don't think he deserves love like mine, I am just over the whole thing. Of course I say this and have had a breakdown shortly after. But I've noticed I can't even remember anything nice about him anymore lately. I did the whole stalking on instagram for awhile, but then finally deleted my instagram so I wouldn't. He is perfectly fine and I don't see why I shouldn't be. If anything I just lost someone who doesn't love me, he's lost someone who loved him more than life itself. His loss is bigger than mine in the grand scheme of things.I don't see the point of crying about him when there is nothing that great left about him to me. You love someone for the way they love you. I can't think of other guys right now, so i'm not 100% over him but at the same time I 100% don't want him or anyone like him. I loved him when I had every single reason not to, heck I still have love for him. And he found even the smallest of reasons to not love me. I used him to get over him, lol and I have no regrets.

 

I also learned how much personality can affect someone's appearance. I used to think he was extremely handsome, but ever since he started acting like a jerk he's pretty unattractive to me.

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and lastly to everyone reading this, as soon as you can start hanging out with friends. Force yourself to go to every event/party your invited to. I am so glad to have my social life back. Never again will I sacrifice my friends for a guy. Nor should any guy worthwhile have a problem with your friends.

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Good for you having the strength to overcome cancer all the while this guy left you.

 

At the moment I am a little heart broken but I'm not going to tell you that story now. But I do want to tell you a story from when I was 18.

 

I was completely in love and lost my virginity to this beautiful women who had already had multiple partners in the past. I think I was a rebound relationship for her but for me it was true love. So one day I told her I feel something isn't right with our relationship. It felt like she didn't like to do what I did. Not more than a month later I think she broke up with me.

 

I called her bugging her wanting her attn. I sent her work flowers. I drove to her friends and she let me in and I sat in front of two girls crying for her. I cried so much both the females started to cry LOL. I used to hang out with her brother and they lived together so I could go visit the brother and see the sister(my ex) accidentally. So I would dress as cool as I could to try to get her back.

 

I tell you this, at the time it ruined my relationship with the brother - I was his friend first.

 

So after months of this crap I finally could just let her be. And I started to hear stories of her life. She became a druggie. She went to a drug dealer and he got her hooked on powder. I thought to myself, "so this is why she left me for that lifestyle?" It was actually the truth.

 

Years later I called her, must have been 4 years or so and we chatted and I laughed a little bit of my actions. She said she should have stayed with me dada dada dada.

 

My point is I lost my pride and dignity of my manhood crying and chasing her for so long. That's why people say NC around here because you get to keep your dignity. Now for a women maybe it would be different I don't know. But I would put money down that the next time you get dumped(let's hope it never happens, you seem like a wonderful gal,) you won't chase as much because you will know better.

 

This girl I was just with for 2 years(currently) got tired of me for certain reasons I caused. She told me to stop contacting her. After which I sent 3 small emails and she didn't reply. My 4th was just to tell her okay, I will leave you alone as you wish. Now I am walking away. Even though it hurts me I am not going to drag this out because i learned from my past.

 

Good luck honey you sound like a good man would be proud of you and love you as much as you love him.

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Thank you for this! This was my second relationship. I never chased after my first relationship, he was just not my type. I don't know if it has to do with being young and naive. I am 21 and i'm a virgin for whatever that counts for. But I probably would do this again for another guy I love a lot. I think pride and ego can only have so much room in love and yeah it probably is different since I am a girl. But god knows I would never think of a man who did what you did any less of him. I think I will understand a lot sooner than I did with this guy that its not going anywhere. Pain makes you value a good thing a lot more. I would value what you did for your first relationship a lot, and i'm sure if she experienced pain later that made her value you too. Life has a weird way of even-ing things out, call it karma or whatever. But what goes around does come back around. Life teaches people their lessons. If I wanted to get back with my ex later on at some point I would have stopped making a fool, but I wanted to see his ugly so I wouldn't allow him back in life and he was a damn mean person and the only way I would have been able to see past his manipulating fakeness is by losing my pride calling him over and over.

 

Thank you for the luck. I am glad you learned from your past, but made enough attempt to have no regrets looking back that you didn't try. Good luck to you!

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