Can someone please help me, please

[redbelly]

Okay, I'll try to give you the short of a very long issue. I started dating my fiancee in February of 2002. We work together, so I would always talk to him during the day and then on Friday's he would say we'd hang out on the weekend, but most of the time not call me. I dealt with it for about 3 months or so before I finally blew a gasket. I knew there had to be some reason for his behavior, I found out it was because he was home masturbating. He comes from a very anti-social life, a history of depression and alot of insecurities. Once I found out his behavior was for that reason, we spoke about it, I somewhat came to terms with it and we moved forward. I would spend the weekends with him and then go home to my parents house on Sunday night. I'm talking he had 3 huge black garbage bags filled with porn. He had a little "ritual" in the way things had to be done when he masturbated. Well, we decided to move in together. He had told me he threw away all of the porn, but I later found a few tapes in the house. He has admitted to sometimes masturbating if i wasn't home. We've now gotten masturbation out of the picture, but sometimes if I go upstairs by his desk I see him i find him on porn websites, or on an online dating service and his answer is that he's just curious. i say bullshit, but that's what he tells me. he tells me it's my fault he does those things because i don't make him feel comfortably sexually. he has fought with me for about a year now about my ex boyfriend that i had a 7 year relationship with. he has, in a way, interrogated me about that relationship. asking all kinds of questions, just really harping on the situation. he has gotten so angry sometimes that he has broken pretty much all of my sentimental stuff in the house, broke furniture, put holes in the walls. But yet, I'm the one who can fix them. Oh yeah, by the way, we're engaged. I ask myself sometimes WTF am I doing? other than the's bad points. he's a great guy who would do anything for anybody, he would do anything for me, he has a great personality, and i know he loves me to death. he appreciates me and cares for me deeply, and i know this. also what you may need to know here is that he only had sex one time before me, 10 years ago. so that's why my past is such an issue for him. he feels as though he'll never compare to that. i've tried to convince him otherwise, but it doesn't work. there's probably more to this story that i'm missing at the moment, but that is the jist of it. if anyone has any questions, feel free to ask. thank you for all of your help and advice. thank you for listening to me.

[needtobealone]

Is the porn messing up your guys sex lives? I personally don't see anything wrong with my guy looking at porn. I guess I'd rather have him do that then go out and get someone else. You need to really sit this guy down and talk to him. Let him know that his distructiveness is way out of line. Good luck to ya.

[redbelly]

in a way it is messing up our sex lives. it makes me insecure, probably because he's so secretive about and then his lack of responses when i try to talk to him about it. he knows that this is a huge problem, but tells me it's his way to release sexual feelings. release how? he's not using anything he's learning on me. i've tried over and over again to understand this. i've sucked it up i can't even tell you how many times. it always seems like he wants to create problems and blame me just so he can look at or find a use for porn. he once told me he was going skiing, i sat home the entire weekend while he was "skiing". i then found that he was at a hotel 5 minutes away from our house. he went there to masturbate. so the lying on top of the deceit is so hurtful. on top of this is his anger. he goes around breaking stuff in the house. he's broken all of my stuff. it's so hurtful. i don't know what to do.