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My story. 2 months fresh off of breakup


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This is my first time on posting on the site and I have read quite a few threads on here today. I wanted to post my story. I'm almost 20.

 

My ex-bf broke up with me in August of this year. So it has been two months since we broke up and two months of no contact. Here's the back-story:

 

We were together for a year and six months. Prior to this relationship, I was single for a year and a half, and had only one serious relationship before him. I was naive about relationship in general. He was my second serious relationship. I loved him a lot. I found out while I was still with him that he was in a relationship with his "supposed ex" practically the whole time we were together. I didn't find that part out until may of this year. The first few months when we together, he took me into his bedroom and their was a picture of a girl on his wall. I didn't ask about it, but it said it was his sister. Come to find out, after I went looking on his facebook and her's as well, that she was his ex. He lied and I was pissed, but I forgave him (stupidly) and he wasn't even sincere about it. A few months later, I saw on her twitter that a few months after we started dating, which was a year prior, that he and her were still together at that time. So not only did he cheat on me with her, but he cheated on her with me because he was with her before me. He has many female friends (rolls eyes). Even girls he just met on facebook a few weeks, days or minutes ago is his "friend." A girl he met on facebook in 2012 posted on his facebook wall in July of this year wrote, "My baybee

 

During the whole relationship, he used me (for money and sex) and he cheated on me. When he moved into his first apartment, I wanted to help him because I didn't want to be the girl who left because her bf isn't where he should or wants to be, so I stuck around. Something was always wrong with him; he didn't have a car to get around, he was depressed, he didn't enough to buy food when he was done paying the bills, he couldn't cable because it was too much bills to pay, etc. He was always broke and always needed something. I helped him buy I car (a used one). I put up almost all of the money to buy the car, I gave him money to help fix the car, I gave $150 to pay the rest of his rent, I brought cooked food to him and even bought him fast him whenever he didn't have food or claimed he hadn't eaten in days. In April, I got a feeling and thought that he was using me but I brushed it off because I thought he loved me and was stupid to be thinking that. It turns out I was right. He used me from the beginning of the relationship until he broke up with me for good. (He broke up with me 5 times and each time I begged for him to give me another chance; huge mistake). I see him for what he really was and is, now.

 

Sorry that this is long but this a bit therapeutic for me, I just realized lol. The first 3 or 4 weeks after the breakup, I had major hope that he would message me and say he wanted me back, but he never and I was bummed and my heart was hurt all over again. Then the next 2 weeks, I was happy, even though I was thinking of him a lot, but that was the happiest I had been since we were together. Then I crashed again emotionally. Now my emotions are up and down. Mostly I feel fine, but whenever I think about him (which is a lot), my mood changes and I feel down again. I had phase where I felt like I hated him so much and that I despised him and very existence. I deleted his number from my phone (but I still remember it), I unfriended him on facebook in September and blocked him on facebook as well this month. So I have absolutely no contact with him. I never met his family or friends and he never told them about me either. When he first asked me to be his girl, he told me to keep it on the DL because he doesn't like publicity. I should've known back then what he was into, but I didn't know any better. At the time I wasn't experienced with relationships at all and was incredibly naive and gullible. I've moved from feeling like I seriously want him back to and I don't know phase. If he were to text me say he wanted me back, my initial response would be, "Really, you do?" but my response after that would be to stop and think about how he treated me the entire relationship and what he did to me. So I haven't accepted the breakup yet. I'm not there yet. I'm looking forward to see what next 6-9 months will bring. This was my second serious relationship so I hope it takes way less time to get over than my first serious relationship. Some are good and some are bad. I still think about him everyday, almost all day but I know he isn't good for me. That he never really loved or cared for me. I will have to accept that fact one of these days, hopefully soon. He's a user, cheater, manipulator, liar...gah what isn't he? Lol. Jokes aside, I can't wait to get over this but I think when I unconsciously stop thinking about him altogether, that's when I'll be over him. I can't wait for that day or moment when that actually happens

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Yes he is very much a jerk. There has been no contact he broke up with me. So it's been two months of no contact. He is very manipulative. He made me feel awful whenever he was depressed. I thought it was my responsibility to help when he was down because I thought his family wasn't helping him. I wanted to be a good gf and I was. I have thought about breaking the no contact but I never do because I know it isn't worth it, he isn't worth it. I'm still not over him and I haven't moved on. The only way to move on is to get over him , but I'm not there yet. Next month will be 3 months. Like I said, I can't wait to see what the next 6-9 months will be like, but I'm still going through the motions now.

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