Am I going to stay alone all my life? I am scared at the idea!

[Yasminah]

I am 29 and I just can't find a man whom I like and who is ready to commit. There are only men who are unsure about what they want or jerks, with all my respect to good men here. It's hard for me to meet a man because I don't live in my country of origin. I need love in my life. What can I do? I am really scared I am going to be alone for good!

[Ms Darcy]

Being alone depends on a lot of things, where you are physically, emotionally, spiritually and where the man is in those ways. Also, it depends on your standards and expectations as well as his. We don't know how attractive you are, how easy you are to be with, your boundaries, etc.

 

So, all I can say is keep looking. Have faith it will happen but be willing to make changes in order to help meet your goals. Don't expect it to happen overnight and know that you will be ok if it never does. Good luck!

[Miss L]

Hi!

For me as I am going through a painful break up, in strange way I understand what you say I spent long time before my ex avoiding men; simply the good ones seem to be always taken but you can`t give up the thought of finding love. you will find special one eventually and feel so much alive being loved and really appreciated for the real you and not just for your look. someone you can be yourself with him without any pretending.

 

So please don`t give up, love will find you even if you try to avoid falling in love! trust me I just know.

I don`t know what can you do to find love but don`t give up on finding love; everyone deserves to be loved even broken heart like mine can tell you that.

[Unidad303]

Keep being yourself and it will find you or you will find it when you least expect it. Take a deep breath and take the days as they come.

[Ayanokōji]

I am 29 and I just can't find a man whom I like and who is ready to commit. There are only men who are unsure about what they want or jerks, with all my respect to good men here. It's hard for me to meet a man because I don't live in my country of origin. I need love in my life. What can I do? I am really scared I am going to be alone for good!

 

Step 1. Make a list of everything you want in a man, review that list and take out everything that isn't an absolute necessity.

 

Step 2. Put yourself out there, make sure the aura around is an open one and that you are approachable.

 

Step 3. Because you are female, online dating actually works for you. Maybe try that.

 

Step 4. Give guys a chance, a lot of guys don't show who they really are until at least the 3rd date, you might be pleasantly surprised or surprisingly repulsed.

 

Step 5. Tell guys over a period of time what you want, make sure you identify the most important things first and inform him of that item before the least important stuff, also be appropriate with timing don't throw him a list straight away, it might be overwhelming and he will run but if you gradually revealed one thing at a time or few things at a time over a longer time span of maybe 1-2 months then should work out.

 

Step 6. Understand that finding the right person is a long and tedious process, it is NOT different to finding a job, you need to look at the bigger picture here and not get moody and emotional just because it didn't work out, I mean when you apply for jobs and during the interviews you get shot down, do you just give up? No, you try again and again until you find/get it. Same applies in finding the right person for you, is someone who you might end up spending the rest of your life with not at least as equally important as a career?

 

I fell into that slump of trying to blame everyone and everything around me for not being able to find a good gf, I blamed my physical appearance, my height, my ethnicity, my personality, Everything... I also started getting bitter thinking that most girls just string guys along and use him and all that jazz.

 

In the end I just found my strength, which is to be able to objectively form goals, objectives, deliverables and execute them then kept going at it.

 

I found a girl I liked, went after her, researched everything, studied the social protocols, female psychology, how to read girls signs, what girls seek in a man, dating locations, everything you can possibly think of and she was very impressed, thought I was Mr Smooth with everything so far and its going well.

 

If this doesn't end well then I will take it as experience, I've learned a lot and will review/evaluate everything and make improvements for the next girl I find myself liking, its as simple as that.

[resilient7]

Sounds like you're way too picky. There are plenty of good ones out there.

[bulletproof]

 

Step 3. Because you are female, online dating actually works for you.

 

Wouldn't it then be working for the guys that are dating her via online?

[bulletproof]

What is your country of origin? Why would that matter?

[Ayanokōji]

Wouldn't it then be working for the guys that are dating her via online?

 

I'm sure everyone knows by now, as a girl you get minimum of 30 messages a day whether you are attractive or not, if you are extremely attractive you will get up to 1k messages a day depending on which country you are in which is why online dating actually works for women.

 

For men if you are below the top 5%, you will get one reply out of every 50-100 messages with girls, it does not work for any guy who is not "ideal". If you are below average then don't expect a single reply.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm sure everyone knows by now, as a girl you get minimum of 30 messages a day whether you are attractive or not, if you are extremely attractive you will get up to 1k messages a day depending on which country you are in which is why online dating actually works for women.

 

For men if you are below the top 5%, you will get one reply out of every 50-100 messages with girls, it does not work for any guy who is not "ideal". If you are below average then don't expect a single reply.

 

Can you supply evidence of this?

 

Also, replies don't say anything about who gets into a relationship.

 

For every hetero woman online who gets into a relationship, it's with a man from online as well. So ... yeah. Both genders win in the relationship realm.

[bulletproof]

 

Also, replies don't say anything about who gets into a relationship.

 

Exactly. There is one woman and one man involved in a relationship. So if women are getting into relationships, it must be with an equal number of guys. While it may be true that women get more replies/attention, that could speak to a number of factors, a strong one being that there is still a somewhat traditional mindset at play that casts men in the role of pursuers.

[Ayanokōji]

Can you supply evidence of this?

 

 

Also, replies don't say anything about who gets into a relationship.

 

For every hetero woman online who gets into a relationship, it's with a man from online as well. So ... yeah. Both genders win in the relationship realm.

 

Not sure which kind of evidence you need, you could Google search why online dating doesn't work for the average male or you can experiment like I did, create a fake female account, find an average picture, write a very mundane sentence in your profile and watch the messages you get.

 

Then make a male account with an average picture and a decent profile, msg girls and check how many replies you get.

 

I assure you that you will quit as the male because approaching girls in reality is even easier.

[Ayanokōji]

Exactly. There is one woman and one man involved in a relationship. So if women are getting into relationships, it must be with an equal number of guys. While it may be true that women get more replies/attention, that could speak to a number of factors, a strong one being that there is still a somewhat traditional mindset at play that casts men in the role of pursuers.

 

What you are missing here is that the men in high demand which is roughly the top 5 or 10% will get girls, they are usually the "players" so one man one woman is more like one man in the top percentile to many women.

 

Rest of the men will attempt to message girls and get no reply simply because one of the guys in demand msges many girls and that girl will think oh this guy looks way better on paper than the other average guy and ignore the average guys msg.

 

As the average guy, you will get like 2 msgs every 3 months or so, usually from desperate women so if any average girl msgs you, you will actually take a look and speak to her etc... Versus the girls who gets bombarded with messages so she only replies to the top say 3 candidates and ignore the rest.

 

Those top candidates proceed to then msg a tonn of other girls too so heres where the loop begins.

 

So here's the difference, women get to shoot guys down and be as picky as they like.

 

Men can only relentlessly send messages to every girl until he runs out of girls to send messages to. You tell me whether online dating is better for men or women.

 

I rather just go outside and strike a conversation, at least I get a reply lol...

[HeatherB]

Termus, your dating advice is pretty good, actually. But I doubt your experimental statistics have a lot of practical value to females. An average woman might get more responses online, but quality responses are still very valuable. What good are a bunch of messages that all say "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy?" Women are less likely to blast all the guys they see with single-word, noninformative pickup attempts. But that's more about common sense and courtesy than anything else.

 

OP, most people who want to be in relationships eventually find them. I very much doubt you'll end up alone. If you want to hurry things along, work on your bait: your appearance, your friendliness, your confidence, and your backbone. These aspects tend to make one woman more in demand than another.

[Ms Darcy]

Termus - What you insist on ignoring is that relationships are the better indicator of results. Messages, dates, communication are all a means to an end - relationships. In terms of the end, men and women have that in equal share since the women get into relationships with men.

 

How do couples meet? 16% use online dating, 14% work together, 12% meet through friends, 7% meet through social networking, 7% by school, and 7% from social gatherings according to link removed

 

So, 16% of men in relationships met women through online dating.

 

High demand means nothing when you get down to the fact that when it comes to a relationship, it only takes one.

[Ayanokōji]

Termus - What you insist on ignoring is that relationships are the better indicator of results. Messages, dates, communication are all a means to an end - relationships. In terms of the end, men and women have that in equal share since the women get into relationships with men.

 

How do couples meet? 16% use online dating, 14% work together, 12% meet through friends, 7% meet through social networking, 7% by school, and 7% from social gatherings according to link removed

 

So, 16% of men in relationships met women through online dating.

 

High demand means nothing when you get down to the fact that when it comes to a relationship, it only takes one.

 

 

While it is true that it takes 1 man and 1 woman to be in a relationship, the amount of hoops average men jump through in the online dating world to even get a response is not really worth the effort versus going out and looking from my experience. Women have it much easier because they are basically the "filter" while men are the ones trying to get past that, so in essence, women can pretty much have a queue of guys she can date or pick from at her disposal (this means potential and progress) while average men are constantly being shut down and no possible progress can come from being ignored.

 

Which brings me back to my point, online dating is for women, although it does take 1 man and 1 woman to be in a relationship making men ultimately having the same % of success, the amount of effort to even get a response is worse than approaching girls out in the world.

 

The statistics you got there is again from women who picked a guy from her long queue of guys waiting, what does that tell you? Doesn't it tell you that as the guy all you'll end up doing is messaging every girl trying to get a response and maybe by some miracle one day one will reply and having things possibly working out, that doesn't sound good at all... While the girl is constantly out making progress, filtering guys and narrowing down, trying to find the best guy, the poor average guy is there wondering why he doesn't just go out into the world and approach girls normally.

[Ms Darcy]

It is pretty clear you are not a woman since you keep spouting things about women's experiences that are not true for everyone.

 

Also, it is NO privilege to have a group of guys who want you for sex only ... which is very common online.

 

If you would actually read threads on here looking for men who cannot find one even via online dating you would stop stereotyping women's experiences .

 

I think what happens is that the guys on here (guys who often have a thing for young, petite asian women or blondes ... lets be honest ) struggle with getting them and then extrapolate that to all women. Women of different shapes sizes ages and nationalities and races have very different experiences from each other online and there are studies about that.

[Yasminah]

It is pretty clear you are not a woman since you keep spouting things about women's experiences that are not true for everyone.

 

Also, it is NO privilege to have a group of guys who want you for sex only ... which is very common online.

 

If you would actually read threads on here looking for men who cannot find one even via online dating you would stop stereotyping women's experiences .

 

I think what happens is that the guys on here (guys who often have a thing for young, petite asian women or blondes ... lets be honest ) struggle with getting them and then extrapolate that to all women. Women of different shapes sizes ages and nationalities and races have very different experiences from each other online and there are studies about that.

Miss Darcy,

 

Who are you addressing? Is it OP? If yes, you are making generalizations because you think every woman should have your own experience. There is not just America in the world.

[Ms Darcy]

Miss Darcy,

 

Who are you addressing? Is it OP? If yes, you are making generalizations because you think every woman should have your own experience. There is not just America in the world.

 

Sorry - I should have said it was in reply to Termus.

[Ayanokōji]

All women were messaged, ran out of women to message in the end...

 

You say that women complain about having a queue of guys who are only after sex but what is the equivalent of that for a guy?

 

Only being able to get girls who want to date but no sex? Heck throw some of them my way because that's hella better than no reply.

 

I can't understand how anyone can honestly say that average guys don't have it much harder than average girls on online dating...

[Yasminah]

Sorry - I should have said it was in reply to Termus.

 

I am sorry too! Thanks for your post.

[John John]

I think what happens is that the guys on here (guys who often have a thing for young, petite asian women or blondes ... lets be honest ) struggle with getting them and then extrapolate that to all women. Women of different shapes sizes ages and nationalities and races have very different experiences from each other online and there are studies about that.

 

Very good point, and I have indeed read some of the studies about this. I admit I am guilty of having done this in the past. Sad to say, but I think it's true that some nationalities are more "in demand" than others, at least with respect to online dating (based on what the studies I've read have said).

[Ms Darcy]

Very good point, and I have indeed read some of the studies about this. I admit I am guilty of having done this in the past. Sad to say, but I think it's true that some nationalities are more "in demand" than others, at least with respect to online dating (based on what the studies I've read have said).

 

Right. And that is not to say anyone is left out of love completely. It's just a different experience for different people. Yes, some folks may have it "harder" ... but I say that it only takes one! And I believe everyone can find what they need in terms of love over time.

[John John]

Right. And that is not to say anyone is left out of love completely. It's just a different experience for different people. Yes, some folks may have it "harder" ... but I say that it only takes one! And I believe everyone can find what they need in terms of love over time.

 

Agreed on all fronts Darce!