Reflective82 Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I have never had an orgasm with any boyfriend I have had and can only remember having one at about 13 or 14 myself. I'm not sure what it is but I can't seem to have one at all It doesn't bother me and I have honestly never thought about it- I've told my BFs that I never have and not to even focus on it or feel bad, and none of them have seemed to have an issue with it However I am recently single at 27 and the last guy I had sex with did bring it up and wanted to make me. I really wish I could and am not sure why I can't.....but I'm just wondering if it would maybe put guys off or make them not enjoy it as much with me? I don't want to hurt anyone's ego but equally not sure if I should fake it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragunov-21 Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Speaking as a guy, please don't fake it... Have you tried chasing one on your own? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 Yeah, I'm not really into it on my own....and still can't, but it doesn't bother me! I have noticed it bothers men more and I worry they won't enjoy it as much with me because they can't make me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Old Man Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Trust me honey, men don't care. And we won't care until you say something to make us care or until we think that someone else is getting it done. My advice, if you aren't having them and you don't care, stop talking about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 Ok. That's good to know, I am not the one who has brought it up though.....they always bring it up about how they want to make me and why haven't I, so I then tell them not to worry and that I just don't....but hopefully it doesn't bother them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJ2980 Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 Some women find it very hard to have them just by "normal" methods. There are other ways you can have them. No shame in exploring what works for you. You should experiment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeeLambrini Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I can only guess as I am not a man, nor do I have problems reaching orgasm. But perhaps the only concern someone would have is your sexual limitations. You are open to being sexual with others, but perhaps because you do not have any interest in yourself or working on reaching climax these men are more concerned that you are not enjoying sex as much as you could be. Do you want to work on changing this, or are you just concerned about what men will think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jane26 Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I am in the same boat 26 and never had one. I have tried with partners and alone but never worked. I feel a bit ambarrassed and always faked it with partners. I think the way to go is exploring alone. I know you said that It feels strange but the more you do It the more comfortable you feel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 I definitely really enjoy it-- I am open to changing it but I just don't know how- I can't imagine having one on my own anymore as I tend to feel more aroused when I am doing it with a man, but for some reason it just hasn't happened, it's like a mental block....I definitely do enjoy sex though and aside from that have a good sex life with my partners, but just worried the guys will not enjoy it as much if I don't... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 I can and do do that but I just don't think it will happen that way I don't really enjoy doing it alone that much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarkan Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 The reason why men *want* you to orgasm has probably nothing to do with you but everything with their own ego. Being the one guy that can make you orgasm must be felt as quiet an achievement. It's not compassion but simply egotripping. Other men want you to come because they feel insecure about themselves. Not being able to make you orgasm, and the fear that orher men could do so, makes them feel bad about themselves. They see themselves as failures for not *pleasuring* you in the right way. To be honest, I don't think it's anyone's *task* to make their partner come. We all have different levels of sensitivity and we enjoy different sensations. An orgasm should come naturally while enjoying eachorther. You *help* the other person in achieving THEIR orgasm, but it's really not your *job* to do so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 Yes, that's exactly what I think a lot of it is Tarkan. But the thing is, aside from faking it, what am I supposed to do? It hasn't been an issue with any of my BFs but the last guy I slept with did bring it up quite a few times and I wonder if when he couldn't make me, it put him off. I certainly don't mind at all and it's not something I think is the guy's "task"- I would just rather it is not brought up. I guess I'm debating whether to fake it so it doesn't dent the guy's ego, or just be honest if they ask and say that I don't and it isn't them- as it isn't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 I know this sounds crazy weird but I sometimes want to ask my mum if she ever has them- as I have heard things like that can be hereditary. I have heard some women don't have them until their 30s so I don't think I am the only one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 As a man I always attempted to bring a woman to orgasm for her pleasure, not for my ego. That said, I understand for some women it is not always possible, especially via penetration. If she felt satisfied with the sex, that was enough for me to feel comfortable about everything. Women tend to love the closeness and intimacy of sex and as such don't need the orgasm to feel fulfilled. And as you pointed out, it still feels good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeeLambrini Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I think faking it is a huge waste of effort - and provides a false intimacy between you and the guy you are having sex with. It's better to tell him the truth rather than lie about it. If you want to experience orgasms in the future, it has to start with you and you exploring yourself. It took me a long time to be able to orgasm with someone else but ever since I did for the first time, it has been very rare that I haven't. There are plenty of articles online that help you but really it just takes a bit of time to get to know yourself and your body first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 The question of whether I can and how I do achieve it is a different topic as that's something I will work on in private, I guess I just wanted to know if guys see it as a big turn off and put off in sex - I suppose an irrelevant question though as I'm not going to fake it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonewing Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 The more you do it by yourself, the more you'll learn how it works and what triggers them. It's not so much doing it alone with yourself to get off, but practicing so you get off easier with your partner. It's not just about our ego, it's really a signal that says "we've completed the act." It doesn't feel complete, to me, unless she's had a release too. While we like to mix a lot of our emotional side up with sex, there is physical benefits to the orgasm alone that are worth pursuing the end. Patience is, I dare say the most important element. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted October 25, 2013 Author Share Posted October 25, 2013 I'll try, but 27 years and none yet (aside from when I was 13 and 14, no idea what stopped them)- I worry I won't ever be able to with a guy.....I think I can't let go enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendahke Posted October 25, 2013 Share Posted October 25, 2013 I'll try, but 27 years and none yet (aside from when I was 13 and 14, no idea what stopped them)- I worry I won't ever be able to with a guy.....I think I can't let go enough Did anyone shame you or speak shamefully about women having sexual pleasure that you can recall around 14yrs? Sometimes, it's something that innocuous that can plant the idea to build a brick wall or shut down one's ability to tap into that area of their sexuality. I thought I was orgasmic--I discovered a long time ago what worked for me, but it wasn't until I turned 50 that I truly unlocked the "Big O". All those years, I was doing it wrong. I thought I was having a great ol' time with my O's until that moment when the dam burst. He and I took a vacation to a couple's resort for my 50th birthday which brought us incredibly close and really deepened our intimacy (or so I thought). I think that laid the groundwork for me feeling comfortable enough to let him in further and that availed me of the discovery. Unfortunately, I discovered it about 5 months before my ex and I broke up and that was 3 years ago. Yes, you have to be of the mindset to let go. You have to be able to trust the other person in order to, basically, let go of your good sense and let the "tide" take you. That can be hard to do if you have not established deep, incredible intimacy with that other person. Of course, some women can do it without much investment in trust, but a lot of women can't. Neither is abnormal--it's about what works for each woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflective82 Posted October 26, 2013 Author Share Posted October 26, 2013 Interesting you ask- I used to hang around a lot of guys I went to school with, and I was very confident and wore sexy clothes and was confident hanging around with men. I did get called a sl*t a lot which I know now is just par for the course, but after being called it a lot from the age of 14-16 and having guys say their friends spoke about me like that (ridiculous as I may have kised a lot of guys but my number of partners is low) I guess it may have affected things. But it seems strange it would affect me now? I thought I had true intimacy with my ex of 4.5 years but maybe not.....I am not sure how or when it will unlock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorshammer Posted October 27, 2013 Share Posted October 27, 2013 The girl i am with told me the same thing, i didnt try to make her orgasm. She wanted to do oral, i said ok, which is rare because i dont enjoy it too much, but i am a black belt trained under a bisexual gf i had who taught me the finer arts 11 years ago. I made her go, she was shocked and just kept saying, "you dont know what this means... why arent you excited like me.. dont you realize what you did?" It didnt hit me that i am probably numero uno in her life right now. So yes, it does feel good- and she was super shy - now shes kinky, but kinky in a "i am learning so bear with me" sort of way. I think what did it was that i actually knew what i was doing, we spent a lot of time kissing and touching before we got naked (im aggressive and i talk to her and try to get her to open up and get just as aggressive), the fact she finds me very attractive helps, and i did my best to be charming way before we ended up in bed together. And yes, i try to act like it was natural - because if i make a big deal out of it, she might think i will keep chasing it, and will feel pressured to come every time. But i wont lie, i will keep chasing it every time we get in bed. But, if she doesnt go she doesnt go, its no big deal, and its not a turn off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xCx Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 that's really interesting - i'm very similar to you. I have never orgasmed, but did go through a stage at 13/14 where whatever i was doing (to myself) definitely felt good! I'm 20 now and really, really enjoy sex with a partner (though still have never orgasmed) and have quite a high sex drive, but trying to do anything on my own is just frustrating and unsatisfying. I've wondered about it being hereditary as well, but haven't wanted to have that conversation with my mum. At the very least i'm glad to know i'm not the only one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CeeLambrini Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 that's really interesting - i'm very similar to you. I have never orgasmed, but did go through a stage at 13/14 where whatever i was doing (to myself) definitely felt good! I'm 20 now and really, really enjoy sex with a partner (though still have never orgasmed) and have quite a high sex drive, but trying to do anything on my own is just frustrating and unsatisfying. I've wondered about it being hereditary as well, but haven't wanted to have that conversation with my mum. At the very least i'm glad to know i'm not the only one. Have either of you tried toys? My first orgasm had to occur with help, I couldn't do it all alone. Even those little vibrating toys that durex sell could work wonders Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lopez81592 Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now & not once have I had an orgasm, dont get me wrong the sex is amazing I just don't know why I haven't had one. Every time he goes down on me I get this feeling like if I had to pee so I stop concentrating and the feeling goes away. Idk if I really have to pee or its me getting ready to cum? I feel bad that I haven't had one I don't want him to think that I dont enjoy the sex cause I really do! I enjoy it so much that with him just sucking my boobs I get so wet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer89 Posted November 18, 2013 Share Posted November 18, 2013 I'm assuming you still enjoy sex, so why not focus on why you enjoy it so much? I don't have that problem and I'm not a guy, but I think if I was I would worry that you wouldn't want to have sex often in the long term, so I'd make it clear that you still enjoy it (if you do) and if they think they are macho guy and can make you orgasm, let them try but don't let them pressure you so that you don't enjoy being with you. I have a friend who is in her 30's, has never had a single orgasm, and still has casual sex and "friends" for sex all the time, she loves it, orgasm or not! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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