Going for one of your friends...

[Hopper]

hi, just want to say, great site, has a lot of helpful advice here....

 

here's my dilemma... i have been hanging out with one of my girl friends that is in my circle of friends that i hang out with. i used to think it was lust and that i'd get over her, but it hasn't yet. we hang out a lot(by ourselves) and when we are out with friends. but she's one of those types of gals taht has a lot of guy friends and seems to get a good amount of guys attracted to her. we flirt a lot and i think she likes me, but i think confessing how i feel will of course make things way better or way worse. i keep telling myself that you only live once, just go out and do it without regrets... but i think i just worry about our other friends, might not hang out with them as much, and i just wonder if this void i want to fill with worth possibly one of us losing friends on account of the other. i have no problem approaching her about us, but if she does reject me, i dont want our friends to only hang out with either one of us at different times.... that's a risk i dont know if it is worth taking. Seems very selfish on my end... My heart says one, and brain says the other... What to do?

[angelic_spirit825]

Hi,

First off can i say i really feel for you in what your going through at the moment - i'm actually in a similar situation myself with having very strong feelings for my best guy friend! my advice here goes.....

I can understand exactly what you mean about thinking that an initial attraction to your friend may be just lust and full marks to you for thinking that and not acting blindly...the problem comes in your mind when you slowly realise you are falling for your friend and are developing much stronger feelings and know just by common sense it is not just lust (even though this may still play a part?). What i think you should do is to honestly ask yourself what you want the outcome of the situation to be, by this i mean - is she all you can think about day and night?, are you imagining a future together?, do you know that there is a chance she may feel something for you? (if you don't know the answer to this one it may be well worth asking a mutual friend to find out). Anyway if once you have thought about these questions you keep coming to the conclusion that all you want is to be with her....for goodness sake please tell her! the worst that can happen is that she will be flattered by your attention and she will say that she doesn't share your feelings at the moment - but its a strange thing with us girls (and i don't know why this happens - so please don't ask!) but once we know someone is attracted to us we tend to pay them more attention and in some cases actually begin to feel the same way about you guys (it's weird but it's true and has happened to me many times!) If you do decide to tell her - please for your sake tell her face to face! I very recently decided to take the plunge and tell my best guy friend how i felt for him but because my feelings are pretty strong i had such a fear of rejection and bottled it every time i saw him - i decided to txt him and have regretted it since because we have seen each other since but nothing was said about our feelings, my heads spinning because he's admitted he has feelings for me to mutual friends but for some reason won't confess all to me dispite knowing full well he won't be rejected! What i'm trying to say is i'm now left hanging waiting for him to tell me how he feels for me, the ball is in his court - i don't regret confessing my feelings to him - i'm extremely pleased i did because i won't be left wondering what could have been if i'd had more courage but i do regret the way i told him as you may be able to gather! anyway like i've said if you feel confident enough to tell her your feelings and you want more than friendship but at the same time won't feel devasted if she doesn't share your feelings...go for it! and also don't worry about the fact that she seems to have a lot of attention from guys and has many guy friends - i am too one of those girls and i can honestly tell you it may appear that we like to play a bit, may even break a few hearts but we still want someone special in our lives - and it seems to me that you could well be that someone special for your friend hope this has helped a bit, good luck - let me know what you decide and how you get on! 8)