how can i make things right

[sevenohnine709]

Ok, first off i will describe myself. A mid 20s male who struggles with general anxiety disorder, ocd, and adhd. I find it a deadly combination for relationships.

The problem i am coming to you guys about today is the fact at the beginning of my current relationship of 3 months i was very quiz like i guess i could call it about my girlfriends past. She had an extremely low self esteem and sort of had a very sexual 6 months since she had lost her virginity at 21. Threesomes and lots of sexual partners including a married man which didnt bother her.

Now due to my nature i guess i made her feel bad to the point.she says she hates who she was back then. I have developed strong feelings for this girl and quickly realized if i wanted to be the best caring boyfriend i could be i needed to get my mental healt under control. I am now medicated, in therapy and quit alcohol consumption as i decided it affects my ability to control my impulsivity. I have had a lot of success and she has noticed the drastic change. She has also mentioned she wonders sometimes if.i ll revert back to my old self. I assure her and i guess after time she.will see.

 

The issue i have is , i see and hear her talk about herself if she thinks about her past and it breaks my heart. I feel guilt constantlyfor making ankther human feel this way. I consitantly tell her i was wrong in what i did, hating yourself will accomplish nothing. It is such a small period in your life it doesnt make a difference, everyone does things they wish they had not later on. You learn from mistakes and move on.

However it doesnt do anything. I know i made it so intense back then, and it felt okay but i.know it is not. I would do anything to go back and change it. She says i treat her so well but she said somedays she thinks back and doesnt feel the strong emotion to me as she does other days.

 

How can i fix this, i try everyday and will not be doing anything like it ever again. I just feel horrible, i cant sleep and was put on sleeping medication, and most of all i do not want her feeling any self hatred. She means so much to me and i dont want to lose the oppurtunity to spend time with her as my girlfriend.

[sevenohnine709]

Note: I am not using any disorder as an excuse for what I did. I am aware it was wrong and I took responsability

[Edmund Exley]

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to fix it. She needs to fix how she feels about herself now.

 

Lesson to be learned here - Don't ask questions you really don't want to hear the answers too. Another persons sexual past is none of your business.