Can NC still work after SO breaks up with you over and over?

[togetmetoyou]

My ex broke up with me a lot during our 7-year relationship, and each time it felt like he fell out of love with me a little more and it was harder to get him back. He was the one who came back every time by calling me or hanging out, or just friends, etc., but always ending up boyfriend and girlfriend again with I love yous and such, for anywhere from 2 months to 6 months of being together, and then break up with me again for about a month or so, but each time our relationship seemed less and less close. He didn't seem to allow himself to fully love me, and he got more and more selfish with himself, concentrating on money, cars, etc. He doesn't communicate well. This recent breakup, he seemed colder than ever and like he moved on a long time ago with all the off and on in our relationship. He seems happier to be rid of me. My question is will NC work even on him, after it has been proven to him over and over again that this is not working and I'll always take him back? He said I'm always there for him, and maybe if I walked away he'd realize he lost me, but he said I'm a revolving door for him and he knows he can take advantage of me and leave and come back all the time. He said I let him walk all over me.

 

Or has he finally come to the point that he has decided he doesn't want me in his life and the NC will make it easier for him to forget me and move on. Maybe he'd even be happy that I'm gone so he can spend time on his busy career and not invest energy into a relationship with me that hasn't worked out in 7 years of trying (me more than him). He told me to let us go, does that mean he has let go and NC will only strengthen the way he feels? I have no idea if he's seeing anyone or had been cheating on me and what impact that will have on no contact. It just seems like this guy keeps doing the see-saw with me, like a game of I love you and want to make this work, but it's not working and it's over. I've had my heart broken by him so many times, but he just seems to get over it more and more every time.

 

I'm so sad and I feel really rejected. I won't call him, but I'm curious if there's still a chance after all the failures. Is there a chance he'll wake up and realize he lost me, or there really wasn't anything there in the first place? Also, when I do talk to him, should I tell him I'm dating someone even if I'm not? Thanks! I'm confused beyond belief, but I do think he still loves me deep down. It's quite amazing that someone like him (very unstable) stuck with me for all this time to try and make it work. HELP!

[ticklebug]

wake up. You are being used...when he feels like being with someone, you are there...like a puppy dog....when he doesn't he swats you away...that is NOT love.

 

You deserve to have yur feelings respected, and that is something you have not made him do in so long...you never will be able to.

 

It's time for you to suck it up and tell him to hit the road...permanently. Yes, you will be sad for a while...but you are better of being alone, than treated like a pet.

 

Once you heal and become a stonger person from this, a woman who can tell a man straight off what she expects (respect!) you will find someone MUCH better.

[PrincessLinzay]

I personally wouldnt even WANT someone back that told me I was like a revolving door. He actually SAID that you LET him walk all over you??? Time to be strong hun. This guy is using you as a security blanket. He likes knowing that you're there when he wants someone, and meekly waiting for him when he doesn't.

 

Time to throw his nice safe little world into turmoil. Start NC and start moving on. Never let someone walk on you. He's jut not worth the effort.

[togetmetoyou]

More than anything, I just want him to want me back when I'm happy and dating someone and looking awesome so I can tell him "You lost me and you're a fool." That's my goal more than anything, and I'm wondering if I'll ever get that satisfaction of him wanting me down the road and me saying too bad after some time of no contact. He always contacts me somehow, although this time he may have given up for good when he told me to let it go. That's the only revenge I want for him, to want me after he threw me away so many times and never being able to have me again. Is that possible or it's too late and he'll not care? Thanks again.

[ticklebug]

he hasn't cared for a long time now...and things like that...where you have some sort of "magical" transformation and he begs for you back....only happens in the movies....

[PrincessLinzay]

Well I disagree with that. I've had exes want me back when I was moved on with someone else. So in answer: yes it can happen. The point though is not to count on it. You move on and make yourself happy, so when it really does happen you can just laugh about it.

[togetmetoyou]

he hasn't cared for a long time now...and things like that...where you have some sort of "magical" transformation and he begs for you back....only happens in the movies....

 

 

 

that we were engaged at one point and lived together at one time as well, him ending both arrangements. Also, just last week, we broke up on Tuesday, he said "I really do love you," and when he went away for Thanksgiving he said he missed me and loved me. A couple of months ago he said he always loved me and always will and he wanted to do anything to make this work. But in the last couple of months he got a new very stressful job that takes up most of his time and he stopped seeing me much and said he couldn't give me the attention I deserved and maybe in a couple of months when he gets his career going, he'll have more time to focus on me. He said if I loved him I'd understand that. He even took me to his work last week and he told me I was a big hit because guys there thought I was pretty. He told me he's more attracted to me than to any other girls, and he's always told me that, not just now. He said we were turning into sex buddies because of his schedule with work, and we wren't getting along.

[sayer7]

1. The fact that you guys have broken up so many times only to get back together again makes me think that this relationship is just a crutch for both of you- that one or both of you don't know what you truly want in a relationship, and you both need to re-evaluate (with utmost honesty with yourselves) what would make you happy-- what kind of relationship would be most happy in regardless of who you're with?

 

2. It seems you are defining yourself based on whether you have him or not and if he'll continue to want you even when you guys have broken up. That is not a healthy mentality. Self-worth is how you perceive yourself-- not how someone else perceives you. Other people cannot put a value on you because they truly don't know all that you are-- they just know about the parts of you that you let them see. Only you know your true worth and value and it comes from within.

 

4. It sounds like you're trying to play a game with NC...it's NOT a game to try and manipulate someone to want to get back with you. You choose NC if you truly feel your life would BENEFIT from not seeing that person for awhile-- THe NC time should be used focus on your own healing, becoming a stronger person, becoming better than you were.

 

5. If you want to play games, then a relationship is not for you-- it will only hurtful to both. To have a healthy, committed, loving relationship you have to be mature about it.

 

I think if you do choose NC, choose it for the right reasons-- to take time out to improve yourself physically and emotionally... do not expect to get him back. JUST expect that after NC you'll have discovered more self-worth, self-respect, self-committment, a healthier frame of mind, and fresh perspective on life for a more successful, mutally respectful and loving relationship in the future.