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Confused by my situation


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Hey, I'm writing this post because I'm in a bit of a situation with a girl, and am in need of some advice, and other people's opinions. I'm in university and have joined a club as a way to meet people and socialise in my spare time.


When I joined the club I instantly noticed a girl who I though was cute. Well we didn't really chat much at first, but then we went away on a trip with the club and we began to get to know one another, this was around about mid-October.


The trip away involved us staying in tents, as we had not other accommodation to stay in. I had spoken openly to people about not having a place to sleep, and she said I could say in her tent if I wished. That night, we got into the tent at about 11pm, and didn't stop talking until 4am! At which point we both agreed we needed sleep and started to try to get to sleep.


However, just as we were getting ready to go to sleep she started to talk, saying she wasn't sure whether she should do something because she didn't know it would be good or not. Before I could answer she leaned over and started to kiss me. After that we talked for a bit and then went to sleep.


The next day we returned home from the trip, however she made a point of asking me for my telephone number. We ended up seeing on another that night (I went round to hers), where we chatted and kissed for a while. She also tried to explain that she didn't want to get into a relationship because she had just gotten out of a really hard relationship where she had been cheated on terribly, and just wants to enjoy being single.


I said there was no pressure and that she knows how I feel. Over the following 2 weeks it was really good, she stayed over mine one night, but we didn't sleep together (was my decision…as I wanted to wait). The main reason I wanted to wait was because she had explained she was dating other people, so I didn't want to just sleep with her because she means to more to me than that.


I spoke to her about it the next day, saying I really did want to sleep with her, but couldn't do it without clarifying the situation between us. She said she really likes me, enjoys my company and always has a good time with me, but as for anything more she doesn't know at the moment. Whilst also reiterating she isn't sleeping with every guy she meets.


Anyways, after we had discussed that we met up a few times for drinks in the pub, and I would generally pop into her work on a Friday for a brief chat (as I happen to walk past it when I'm going to a lecture). However, that is pretty much all I have seen of her since when she stayed over mine a month ago.


I do speak to her most days on MSN, and we used to SMS each other all the time, but that's barely happening now. She has tried to explain that she has been really busy with work lately and that's why she hasnt been around…but I don't know whether to believe her or not. I guess I'm just confused about the whole situation, I don't know what's happening…and naturally I get jealous at the idea of her being with other guys.


Anyways, just before I finish I need to say, that she really wanted to know what I was doing last week. She was going out for a friend's birthday, and was repeatedly asking me if I was going out that night. We are going to a club dance tonight, and she's said we can catch up there, because we haven't seen each other in so long, and that I'm walking her home later.


And that's pretty much it at the moment. So I was just curious what your opinion of my situation is. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

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the situation is that you are casually dating this girl. No commitment....and there is nothing wrong with that.


If she isn't ready she isn't ready and it is something to be respected (as you have been) but I also think you standing your ground on not taking it to the next level (having sex) a very wise choice.


She likes and cares for you, so of course she is going to be interested in what you are up to in your daily life...just as you are interested in what she is doing. It's called communication - very important to the start of any type of relationhsip...casual or otherwise.


Take things one day at a time. If it is meant to be an exclusive relationship...that tends to happen naturally over time...pushing the issue only creates pressure, and she may start to feel overwhelmed...and choose to walk away due to it.

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After having a great time at the dance club and maybe having some drinks, (or if you alredy did this and my post is too late, just use this another time) Have her over to your house that night or one night. ONLY IF UVE BEEN HAVING A GOOD TIME, then seat her on the couch, walk over with a couple glasses of somthing to drink, maybe somthing bubbly, and play this song on your stereo or mp3 or what eva, the song is "Let's stay together" performed by Al Green. This mehtod is if you wanna set her in the mood and explore your relationship. Even if you don't get laid whitch isn't necesarily the goal, she'll still think it was really cute and romantic.

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1. You want her and care about her. Good. Do not let her know. Not now. When things advance a little, show it, but don't say it. Do not say it unless it is obvious. And avoid it unless it seems to be reciprocated.


2. Do your best to seem as if you do not care whether or not she approves of anything you do. Have the attitude of "let's just have fun, and see what happens."


3. Concentrate on how SHE feels, how you make her feel, and don't mention how you feel. If you want her to want you, then it is all about how she feels. Moreover, it is about how you make her feel. Understand, her feelings are not something you want to try to change quickly. Sending her flowers every day will drive her away, not bring her closer. Giving her something romantic, tells her how you feel. Giving her something definitely not romantic, and just nice, does not do that. But may make her feel special. Same thing with things you can do for her.


4. Look in her eyes when she is talking, without staring (you eeys can rove the triangle made by the tip of her nose and eye brows), lock on those eyes as she finishes saying something and hold it for a moment after she is done, like a silent pause before you talk where you look into her eyes.


It's really a complicated balancing act, but these should give you and idea of somethings.

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