Please help me

[rjt1985]

Hi

 

A year ago, our college classes all got mixed up and thats when i met this girl in my class called alison. we got on really well and were good friends, but we never socialised outside of college. for nearly six months now, ive really fallen for her and i no its different to crushes ive had in the past because of thinking about going to bed with this girl my thoughts go beyond that and i can really see myself spending the rest of my life with her. the other day in a lesson she was working and minding her own business, and me, thinking she wudnt notice, was looking at her. i was looking at her eyes when she started looking around the room and suddenly looked at me and for a moment it really felt like time stood still, i was looking into the eyes of the girl i loved dearly, everything seemed so quiet and peaceful, like nothing else mattered, i had not a care in the world. then she looked away and i was pulled back into reality. a few months back i had been dying to ask her out but couldn't pluck up the courage so i wrote a letter explaining the way i felt, to which she never gave me a response so i took it as a no. then recently, i became aware i have only 20 odd days left of college and she will not believe that i am in love with her. at the end of the course i no i will feel regretful and far more hurt if i let her go without saying a word to her about the way i feel face to face. my idea at th emoment is to propose to her as i really care about her. i go to bed thinking about her, thinking about getting into college the next day to see her, and when ever i go home at night, i cant wait to go to bed, for the next day to come so i can see her again. proposing to her is the only thing i can think of to really convince her i love her. i no she wont go out with me and doesnt feel the same but i will feel far more hurt if i leave it and dont say anything than i will if she rejects me and i can live happy with my memories of her, knowing she knows i love her and i tried everyhting i could. please someone give me their views.

[Foreigner]

Hi,

 

Ummm...

 

Mistakenly getting into this forum I've read your message and I knew I had to reply to your question. Why you ask? Well...

 

About a year ago, I was in the very same situation you are in now. I was graduating from high school, and had this girl from another class that I was in love with for perhaps a year. I asked her out in the beginning of that period and she refused, but she was pretty flirty and cute with me in general and it has given me hope and set my feelings afire even more.

 

For a long period I've been getting mixed messages from her, but didn't find it a good idea to ask her out again, so I just kept partially freezing when she was around, and putting too much effort into communicating with her. The year was coming to an end, I didn't know what to do - to try again? To strike an extraschool friendship with her? Just plainly talk to her about it? I just didn't know.

 

Different people gave me different kinds of advice. The common between them was the fact that I either had to start acting and jeopardize myself with being seriously rejected or just leave it. The decision was of course very difficult, so I started searching the internet for information. And I've simply read thousands of pages of articles, threads, chapters of books, etc.

 

I have found what I've been looking for. The answer got formed in my mind after reading so much different material regarding guys struggling in the romantic scene for some reason. The answer has a couple of levels and a good understanding of all of them is required in order to FULLY understand what you should do and why.

 

Thus, before you go this way you should ask yourself whether you really have the appropriate determination and readiness to go through something that will perhaps be pretty painful and counterintuitive for you at your present situation.

 

However, I must tell you, that now, after a year has passed, I am really glad that I've strolled along this path and have put an end to such a long time of pain and not knowing what to do and where the limit to what I should do is. Now, I am free of my previous feelings for this girl, and I'm free for being in love with a girl who really deserves that I'll love her.

 

I have learned a very important quality lesson for which I'm grateful to myself for taking such a difficult decision, to anyone who has helped me along the way, and also to her for creating the circumstances, and giving me so much food for thought about love, relationships, people's psychology and much more (thanks

 

I'm closing a circle here, and I hope you'll make the right move.

 

Before I proceed, I would like to hear what you think. And take your time...

 

Are you ready to read even if it'll sound somewhat counterintuitive at first?

Are you really determined to solve your problem?

Are you ready to lose this ambigous feeling in order to out your energies and thoughts into more pleasant directions?

 

Are you??

 

Take your time to think... and let me know. (I should be automatically notified as soon as you post, but just in case - you have my "email" button...)

 

 

Good luck friend!

 

 

Peace,

~Foreigner.

[rjt1985]

First of all, thanks so much for the time to type all that, I really appreciate it and agree with all your points, and am extremely open to any ideas, because every day that I spend with this girl is currently bringing me more and more pain, being around her is unbearable. I just wish I was able to talk to her openly about my feelings. I would be delighted to her what you did.

[Foreigner]

First, I must state that the "resolution" doesn't include being able to talk to her openly about your feelings. It deals with no more wanting to talk to her about your feelings, because you'll no more have them.

 

The following site has pretty much good ideas, points and articles. Only part of them is dealing specifically with your problem (they call it "one-itis") but most of the information should lead you to the right way if you read it carefully and take to your attention the appropriate parts.

 

The link removed contains many interesting articles and tips. I highly recommend to explore it.

 

Then you have the link removed, and the link removed that contains the best articles from the message boards.

 

The amount of information is ENORMOUS, but the more you read the more you'll absorb and understand. I recommend you to read at least the whole DJB (of course read it critically, as social psychology is not an exact science and it consists of opinions, but remember that you may not like at first what you read, because it may contradict your way of thinking till now).

 

Tell me what you think after you read some stuff.

 

Good luck!

 

~Foreigner.