I know I deserve better but...

[JagzOrDaFlash]

Hey guys, short and sweet Im gonna try.

 

My ex gf of 2years cheated on me. Cheated on me then broke up with me. I found out she was cheating the whole 2nd year of us together. I find out she went back to her physically abuse ex before me. Its been just about 2 weeks since we broke up and about a week of no contact. I sent her this last text saying I hope she realizes one day how much I loved her and would have done anything to make us both happy and one day she realizes how much she hurt me. She sends me a text the next day with lyrics to this Spanish song saying "Hopefully you die". I didn't read the rest of it because I was for real. So I texted her "whats your problem just leave me alone and stop hurting me". She then texted me "isn't that how you feel about me. Btw she also sent me the video that I believe was the lyrics to it but again I didn't even watch bcuz it was in Spanish lol n I don't understand jack Spanish haha.

 

I didn't reply back since then and its been about 4-5 days since. I didn't reply because I felt like well why should I? Ive accepted its over and realize I do deserve someone better. Ive been through a heartbreak before. I guess because its still fresh that its still affecting me. The thing is that I still have her password for gmail and I also told her to change it. When I talk to my friends and family some of them have asked to see what she looks like. Ive already deleted everything related n that reminded me of her so I had to go through her email to get it. Then I always deleted the conversation where her picture was and then delete it off my computer.

 

Today I did the same thing and this time I found that she had a draft email. It was a picture of her that she took while she was with me and also the period of time when she was cheating and had mixed it together with her physically abusive boyfriend before n yea after me. I dnt why it saffecting me so much. I think its gonna be stuck in my head for a while. I know I deserve better. I wasn't perfect but I know Im a good guy and no one deserves to be cheated on and used. Idk what to say about everything anymore. I feel like a zombie. I know Im gonna move on and Im better off without her but damn does it piss me off and disappoints me even more.

 

Ive made a vow which Im prolly going to break to stop checking her email. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated guys. Thanks for reading.

[Firesite]

I feel your pain. I can only tell you that things will get worse before they get better. Today actually makes 7 months since I broke up with my ex and went NC. She also cheated on me and went back to her ex boyfriend so i know how you feel. It's going to be a long road to heal but you must go down it, and you need to start by letting her go and going No contact!

[mbee]

Firesite is right, believe it or not, things do get worse before getting better. The first month, I was an absolute mess. The second month, I was still a mess but thought I was getting better. The third month I was devastated and an absolute mess for half the time, and better the other half. Finally in August (the 4th month) my good days outweighed the bad days and so far, I'm doing much better. Go NC for your own good. It does delay your healing. I finally went NC in July which is why the first 2 months were miserable and July I was suffering from the pangs of NC. Let her go and trust me, in a month or 2 from now, you'll be in a much better state. You'll make it through this. Stay strong. We are here for you.

[Knocturne]

First, I'd like to wish you the best during this time. I'm sure you're going through a lot of pain.

 

I picked up on the fact that you were texting her after you guys broke up, and when she gave you bitter responses, you told her to leave you alone? You were making it sound as if she was harassing you. A bit of advice, just silence communication with her. For one, girls hate when a guy appears to lose interest in them. Secondly, it will give you time to actually see what just happened, and even allow you to reflect on it.

 

Reflection is very important when it comes to failed relationships, because you can then learn from those mistakes.

[tonstar89]

Yeah dude just leave her alone and give her space to think about it all. She took you for granted and she doesnt even realize it. Just leave her alone

[JagzOrDaFlash]

Wow hey thanks guys for replying! I don't know why I don't get notifications that people replied to my thread. Im glad I checked on here before I broke my no contact. I went on this other thread about posting on there instead on contacting the ex and telling her those things. I almost really just want to tell her. If you want to read its here, not to contact she dumped. Its gonnabe about a month soon since break up. And knocturn I only said that because I thought it was just horrible that she would send me those things. I told her to leave me alone and stop hurting because I thought that its stupid for to text me that. Like idk. She didn't seem remorseful for all the times she used me towards the last of our relationship. I feel like abroken record. I took time off school this semester to just reset my mind and goals in life. This site really is helping me to crawl back towards the light and not give up on relationship and love thank you guys so much for your response.

[bwhite00]

Yeah dude just leave her alone and give her space to think about it all. She took you for granted and she doesnt even realize it. Just leave her alone

 

Solid advice right there.

 

And I agree, this freaking forum has saved my life (literally) more than once. I never thought after 2010 I'd have to keep a daily diary here about being heart-broken again, but I am, and it's helping me heal in WAY BETTER and FASTER time than I ever thought possible. The first month is Hell though. Things seem to be easing up this (2nd) month, but I'm still in contact and I think that's going to change really soon.