Describe what is "CONFIDENCE"

[tiredofvampires]

Ps. if you feel losing weight would help, again, I don't understand why you haven't done anything about it.

 

It's noteworthy that on a previous thread by the OP, I asked what SPECIFICALLY he was doing to improve his physical health, and he made the case that he was going to the gym and eating/drinking healthy (like smoothies [which may or may not be healthy, depending]). Later, he posted somewhere else that he doesn't really bother much with the gym.

 

While excessive weight is a good thing to work on, and I highly recommend it for both health and appearance (and therefore, confidence!), for many women it's not a dealbreaker.

 

But it's highly revealing that after years on ENA of talking about a weight problem, there is no movement on that front. I think that symbolizes everything that you're giving off in your vibes, OP. I would not be surprised if women met you, thought you were a nice guy, but thought, "this seems like someone who doesn't really go anywhere, he just stays wherever he's at, stagnating." That, as a general MO, is a turn-off to a lot more women (especially when you're in your 30's) than the actual weight itself.

[rachopin77]

Are you familiar with the book How To Win Friends and Influence People? It is the source for all of these things you just listed. They are not genuine behaviors. They are learned and specfically designed to manipulate others. This book used to be required reading for middle managers inncorporate America. Whenever you get to know these people you see tbey are truly nothing like the facade.

 

I simply think you're wrong. I have never read that book, and there are a lot of people I know as well who are just like that. It's genuine. It's possible to change the way you think and your overall mindset and just be a happier person in general. Not everyone is trying to manipulate people, some people just want to connect with others and be friendly. I've come to that realization on my own, and it's just how I am now. I'm genuinely more of a happy person.

[rachopin77]

You really can't say what different people will find physically attractive. My first boyfriend I didn't find physically attractive until like two years after I met him. I feel like you close off to people and sort of blame people for not liking you. And well maybe you give off "I'm hitting on you" vibes. I know some guys who do that, and I know some other guys who act purely platonic. It's possible to not seem like you're hitting on people. If you meet a girl and are constantly thinking about how maybe she will be dating material, you might give off those vibes unconsciously.

 

It's just extremely frustrating trying to help you because you don't take into consideration anything that anyone ever says, and you don't look inward to see what you could possibly do for yourself. It's like you're expecting us to give you some sort of eureka moment.

[Dougie_D]

Sounds about right! And you wonder why I try to explain that maybe I have to change my personality! Because it's obvious that being myself SUCKS! I just HAVE no idea how to change it.

 

About my weight?.. I'm always looking for a quick fix. I'll try to lose weight, go to the gym and get sidetracked and say "whatever" and try to convince myself that my looks and weight is not a dealbreaker in life. I think most of it is I lack motivation and believing that something is ever going to come out good at the end.

[Slimpee]

I think most of it is I lack motivation and believing that something is ever going to come out good at the end.

 

Boom! This is the most honest thing i've seen from you.

 

Being aware of the issue is a great first step but now you have to do something about it. Sh*t or get off the pot!

 

Also, youve said many times that therapy wont help but helping you shift away from your fatalistic attitudes is exactly what a good therapist can help with...

[rachopin77]

Sounds about right! And you wonder why I try to explain that maybe I have to change my personality! Because it's obvious that being myself SUCKS! I just HAVE no idea how to change it.

 

About my weight?.. I'm always looking for a quick fix. I'll try to lose weight, go to the gym and get sidetracked and say "whatever" and try to convince myself that my looks and weight is not a dealbreaker in life. I think most of it is I lack motivation and believing that something is ever going to come out good at the end.

 

A lot of personality is simply habitual ways of acting. Habits can be broken, so to some extent you can change the ways you tend to act if you want to. You have to be motivated and consistent with it though and actually make the decision to do it. I used to be afraid to go up and talk to random people, but I've been breaking that habit so now I don't have any anxiety about going up and talking to someone random. You just have to gradually create new habits for how you act around people.

[Dougie_D]

Boom! This is the most honest thing i've seen from you.

 

Being aware of the issue is a great first step but now you have to do something about it. Sh*t or get off the pot!

 

Also, youve said many times that therapy wont help but helping you shift away from your fatalistic attitudes is exactly what a good therapist can help with...

 

I want to say most of my negativity comes from constant "let downs". And then these constant "let downs" turn into expecting the rejection. Then after awhile, I might find a girl that doesn't. So I get extremely excited and then the next step? Boom...somehow nothing comes out. Now, even when I get a girls number I'm expecting that she's going to flake on me on a date or say "I just like you as a friend". I can get girls number but sometimes I feel like it's not worth it to even call her.

 

And this negativity is not just girls. About my musical direction as well. It just seems like for every 1 positive there is 3 negatives coming right afterwards. I feel always UNLUCKY. To make me feel better about it, I just accept the negative and wait for it.