Is everyone around me crazy or am I?!

[oitnb]

Okay so this is going to be a really long post. Pretty much my life is insane right now. And I can't figure out if I'm just blaming others for my own issues or everyone around me is crazy. Anyways, some background info. Until I was 13 or so, I had the PERFECT life. Like not exaggerating, perfect. My parents got along great, I was ridiculously spoiled, no chores, tones of friends, blah blah blah. That is, until my father confessed he had been having a few year long affair with my mothers long time best friend who was basically like a big sister to me (I'm an only child). Once that happened, everything spiraled downhill.

 

My mom has chrons disease and due to the emotional pain she started abusing her prescriptions and would even go as far as stealing from me, my dad, my friends, whoever I was "dating" at the time, (I was pretty young so dating pretty much meant holding hands and barely talking lol) and so on to get her pills. According to my dad and from one early memory I have of her and my dad fighting about pills she had been doing this even before the news of the affair broke, it just got 1000x more intense once he told her the truth.

 

Anyways, after this they sit me down and tell me they are considering a divorce. And they do the most ed up thing ever, they ask ME if I want them to break up or stay together, and tell me they will do whichever I choose for ME. I, being an innocent young kid am like "Duh stay together!" Not wanting my family to fall apart, but in hindsight alot of issues wouldn't even exist now if they had just called it quits then and there.

 

Anyways, for the rest of my highschool years they go through a constant cycle of breaking up, getting back together, fighting, and so on. I'm not exaggerating like at least once every few months its all " that pill head I'm kicking her out" from my dad and "he's a dirty can't keep his in his pants bastard I'm the one who's leaving" from my mom. (And btw they never hid any fights from me and frequently put me smack dab in the middle of them) okay, so now that you have a basic understanding of how bat crazy my parents were during my growing up years, I'm gonna tell you what happened when I was 16.

 

I was dating this really scummy guy (I cringe whenever a thought of him comes to mind) and my parents hated him. At the time I'm all typical rebellious I must change this diamond in the rough bad boy type girl, and I date him no matter how hard my parents make it for me to see him. I also was like screw you you guys are so ed up you have no reason to judge. Anyways, that's besides the point.

 

I helped him get a job where a family friend (my dads friends ex wife) worked, and one day he calls me saying he NEEDS to talk to me in person, and he'll come by after work. I, of course, tell him to just tell me now I can handle it. And he tells me that while he was complaining to the family friend about my mom, she said "she doesn't even have the right to control her she's not even her real mom" and proceeds to tell him how I'm the product of a one night stand my dad had with a stripper.

 

I ended up(all in secret and hidden from my parents) looking up this woman and trying to have a relationship with her, excited to finally have siblings and all that jazz. Kinda, in a sad way, hoping shed end up being a strong role model in my life since my parents were so dysfunctional. Anyways, long story short, she is a heroin addicted prostitute who also gave up a son of hers, who ended up killing himself because he was so torn up about it, and she's married to some Mexican drug lord type dude. So yeah, pretty much i dont want any relationship with her.

 

Anyways, back to the present time. Ill start on the subject of my boyfriend. We've been together nearly two years now (I'm 19 he's 20) and my parents stress him the eff OUT. I can't say I blame him. He comes from a big stable family, where everyone speaks there opinions passionately and it's cool. Like they can argue intensely about a subject and be fine two seconds later. My parents are just not like that, if they think someone is critizing or "telling them what to do" or argueing in any way shape or form, it pisses them off to no end.

 

So they've butted heads with him since we pretty much started dating. I'm sorry if this is all messy and out of order, it's just hard to remember everything. A few weeks after my graduation my parents are supposably officially done. I was very happy and looking forward to a conflict free home without my mothers constant stealing and my dads anger. (My mom was supposed to get an apartment and my dad even offered to pay for it) a few weeks later, nope, my moms back. I'm like THIS I'm 18 I'm so done and I move into my boyfriends apartment.

 

My mom, (you guys are gonna be shaking your heads soon) ends up talking me and my boyfriend into letting her move in because of the divorce, and yeah. I can't believe I'm still living with her right now. She drives me and my boyfriend crazy with her childish antics. She'll blow money, run all the gas out of all the vehicles, she's burned tons of holes in rugs, furniture etc. from being all pilled out, and we can't critiZe her on anything. Like legit she makes me feel like the worst, most un loyal daughter on the face of this earth if I comment on anything at all.

 

If my dad gives me any money to help out she spends it. If I comment on it she's all "I do everything I can for you" and over dramatic. If me and my boyfriend are disagreeing on anything, even something small, she says he's "abusive". She doesn't have a job, the only money she contributes is from selling some of her pills. Her whole life revolves around pills, pills, pills. I swear if I have to hear that word come out of her mouth one more time I'm gonna flip OUT!

 

Me and my bf are both so stressed out not only from her crazy , but also from our own money issues and whatnot, that we have sex only like once every two weeks now, we need to have fun and be stress free, were both to young and good kids to be dealing with people who act like this. A while ago I also found out two of the woman my dad cheated with kids are his, and that he's dating her now, which upsets me but honestly not THAT much because I just want to see both of my parents happy. Anyways, my boyfriends lease is up soon on this place and my dad is buying a new house soon and offered to let me and my boyfriend live in the house since no ones gonna be there and we could save money. I'm soooooooooooooooooo looking forward to this. It's the only thing keeping me going right now.

[ItRainsItPours]

Keep a healthy distance from your mother. You will soon learn the balancing act. My girlfriend was estranged for her mothers for years (and for good reason) but ended up feeling guilty so now we see her every few weeks for dinner and its nice. When you have crappy parents you learn what role they should have in your life. Never outright disown your mother but understand that she is not a parent in the sense that she's a person there to protect you and help you along your way to adulthood. But that doesnt mean you cant love her and see her every once in awhile.

 

Also my dear please type in paragraphs, it was quite difficult to read your post. I hope your new living situation works out. Remember honey you are 19, be 19! have some fun and try not to let the people around cause so much stress.

[oitnb]

Thank you for your reply, this is my first venture into any forum of any kind and I was worried no one would respond. That's an issue I struggle with, the whole realizing my mother, while I love her to death, isn't healthy to be around all the time. Which is hard for me, as an only child with a small family.

 

And yes, I need to have more fun! My boyfriend and I both agree on that, and I can't wait until we have some extra cash to do fun things again! Thank you again.