Confused and preassured

[Laura Ashley]

Heya peeps,

I hope you all had a nice weekend I'm sorry if I'm in the wrong forum for this issue but I couldn't see another forum suitable

 

Anyway... I'm in my last yr in school now. I'm from the UK so imagine schools run differently to the US. But I have to do gcse's which give me an overall view of what colleges and universities I can go to.

 

You have to have a C grade to get into most colleges and I'm getting C's and under. My mum said that My brother (when he was at school) couldn't cope in a classroom enviornment and thereforeeee her got poor grades. I think maybe I'm the same because I get nervous in a class room especially if we have to choose groups and I'm with people I don't get on with. I doesn't help either if your a natural born worrier

 

My sister who did reasonably well at school got through college and university with no problem dispite my mum and dad saying she was far to stupid to go. However My mum always has said that "Jenny (my sister) and Eileen (my auntie) are the brains of the family. That hurts a lot because thats like saying me and my brother are the let downs.

 

My mum seems to dislike members of both sides of the family if they have very skilled jobs. My sister is encouraging me a lot at school. She buys me text books I need and gives me usefull websites for info.

 

I don't want to let anyone down but I fear that when I get my results back and people ask me what I got they with think I'm a disappointment and I could do better etc...

 

To be honest I know I'm not going to be a perfect A star student. I don't know what to do because I want to go to college and uni so one day maybe my mum will say "Laura,Jen and Eileen are the brains of the family" But when she says that she's usually been sarcastic

 

Everyone has told e they wont think any less of me if I failed all my exams but no matter how hard I try at school I don't seem to be improving at all.

 

I'm on of these people who find studying easy at school if I'm with a teacher who is nice to talk to. But some at school are very bitter towards you and I know they mean well by it but it's not helping me.

 

I'm just so scared about my results coming back that it will stop me from achieving my goals in life. I want to work in the technical computer department some were, but you have to have the brain of a scientist. My sister works with computers and I adore the life she has. She thinks her life style is boring but when I visit her in Bristol...it's so amazing.

 

My brother even says how well she did to get there, and I want him to think the same of me 2. Does this make me an attention seeker though?

I'm just so confused and pressured over all this.

If you were in my shoes what would you do?

Thanks and I'm sorry this is so long.

Take care Laura x

[Desired1]

Just calm down. Life has a way of working things out. Maybe its all for the best.

[Softmoonlight]

Laura darling,

 

if you really want to go to college, then work for it babe!

spend a lot of time figuring out good study methods for yourself,

asking for teacher's advice, and stop worrying about what everyone else says! you are probably doing poorly because you are fulfilling your mom's thoughts of you.

 

get some self esteem girl! thoughts are very powerful things. if you think you will do poorly, you will. if you think, "i worked hard studying and will do my best on this exam," you will do better than the previous thought. I guarantee it. don't let another person's opinion of you influence your dreams, or your future.

[Laura Ashley]

Hiya peeps,

Thats easy enough to say, but your brought up to respect your elders and do what they say. I think that till your 16 your influenced by your parents attitude towards you and theres nothing you can do because apart of them is under your skin.

It's so hard to know what to do. I want t do my own thing but what if its not good enough. What if people expect me to do better in life than what I want.

I get visions in my head of people saying "Well she could have done a lot better for herself in life!" or "I can't believe she settled for this life style!"

 

Lets say I wanted to be a hairdresser (this is an example only) and other people think God she could have done so much more.....I would feel bad that my friends and my family especialy aren't happy for me.

This is so hard because I hate letting people down all though saying that I have done

[talo]

Hi Laura,

 

I think that till your 16 your influenced by your parents attitude towards you and theres nothing you can do because apart of them is under your skin.

 

The "part" you talk of is all the ideals and expectations of your parents that you have internalised. Your task is to 'see' these 'implants' for what they are - to make them conscious. They are merely one way of seeing/doing things. There are a myriad of other ways.

 

It's so hard to know what to do. I want t do my own thing but what if its not good enough. What if people expect me to do better in life than what I want.

I get visions in my head of people saying "Well she could have done a lot better for herself in life!" or "I can't believe she settled for this life style!"

 

It sounds like you know what you want to do.

 

Not good enough for who? You? Better than what? You?

 

Lets say I wanted to be a hairdresser (this is an example only) and other people think God she could have done so much more.....I would feel bad that my friends and my family especialy aren't happy for me.

 

Noone can really be happy for anyone else. They can only be happy.

 

This is so hard because I hate letting people down all though saying that I have done

 

It is not really possible to let anyone else down. Each person is responsible for their own happiness; you truly cannot make anyone else happy. Trying to make others happy will only make yourself unhappy when they are sad.

 

If others have expectations, concerns, whatever, that is fine just the way it is, as they are.

 

If the way you are, or are going, or thinking of going, upsets someone, that upset is the responsibility of the upset one.

 

Being upset is ones own responsibility, to handle in ones own way. If ones way is to see others as responsible for ones own upset, then that is ones own unhappiness. If one sees that one is responsible for ones own upset, that is happiness.

[Laura Ashley]

wow, that makes perfect sense. Thanks.

 

I just felt like I have to do my best but when I do my best it's not good enough.

 

I feel as though if I don't do great in my GCSE's then the world will end. Thats what it feels like. People are making it seem as though if I fail then I can forget college and uni ...

Ash