Meeting Up w/ her in 2 weeks. Need thoughts/advice!

[blgmike2]

Been broken up with this girl for about 3 months. We have talked maybe 3 times this entire summer Without getting into too much detail (long story) we are meeting up Aug 14th the day before she goes back to grad school. I asked her if she would meet up with me and she said yes.

 

She broke up with me but I am confused on why she would agree to meet up with me? I still very much want to be back with her. So here are my questions:

 

1. Why would she agree to meet up with me?

 

2. What should I do to improve my chances of getting back with her? Do I play it cool/act confident? Or do I pour my heart out to her?

 

 

Please do not be negative. I am meeting up with her, as it might be the last time I ever see her. Ladies, help me out

[Edmund Exley]

1. Maybe she just wants a friendly catch up.

 

2. Do not put your cards on the table. Just be yourself and see how it goes. In my experience, these usually turn into a big let down where they are just being friendly.

[blgmike2]

Thanks, I guess everything I've read has told me to "do whatever that made her fall for you in the first place". There is so much I want to tell her....

[Edmund Exley]

Thanks, I guess everything I've read has told me to "do whatever that made her fall for you in the first place". There is so much I want to tell her....

 

Sadly that usually doesn't work because they now have a history of good and bad with you. The people who write that stuff are the only ones that have success. Success in the form of money they take from people who pay to hear "how to get an ex back"

[blgmike2]

I've thought about doing something nice for her and I've heard not to do that, and I dont even know where we are even going to be meeting up at.

 

I guess my real question is, what am I suppose to say? Just goodbye and good luck and walk away? I might not ever get the chance of seeing her or talking to her ever again. I dont want to look desperate or needy but I don't want to be left thinking "I should have said this"

 

I have pretty much told her everything and anything I have wanted to tell her or trying to get her back, nothing has worked.

[Edmund Exley]

You cant plan conversations, and you wouldn't with any other. Do you plan what you are going to say to your boys when meeting them out somewhere?

 

Just go and let it takes its own course.

[beachgal20]

I agree with Edmund. You can't plan what you're going to say...long story but I had been broken up with my boyfriend for exactly 3 months too and we met up and got coffee. In my situation we did end up getting back together (eventually). But you just never know where the convo is going to go, so just let the convo happen naturally and see how she seems...I wouldn't do anything extra for her though.

 

Good luck and best wishes to you

[blgmike2]

Guys, do you think its possible an ex could come back? Or is there 0% chance? I know you all dont know enough about the situation but just getting thoughts.

 

Im still very puzzled why she would agree to meet up.... for what? to say goodbye? To make sure this isnt a mistake? Something smells fishy and i just want to know some reasoning or opinions.

[WinterGreen]

I've thought about doing something nice for her and I've heard not to do that, and I dont even know where we are even going to be meeting up at.

 

I guess my real question is, what am I suppose to say? Just goodbye and good luck and walk away? I might not ever get the chance of seeing her or talking to her ever again. I dont want to look desperate or needy but I don't want to be left thinking "I should have said this"

 

I have pretty much told her everything and anything I have wanted to tell her or trying to get her back, nothing has worked.

 

In bold The first sentence explains why the second sentence is true though.

 

I mean, come on, man...You are clinging to her, to her proximity in your life. So what if this is the last chance you ever talk or meet.

 

That feeling is going to come accross as desperate and you're not going to be able to hide that. If you want to be free of desperation - you have to let go of the outcome with this girl. You have to be in a place where it would be amazing if it worked out, but completely fine and dandy if it doesn't. You have to be somewhat indifferent to the outcome.

 

That's how you stop being desperate. That's how you allow the conversation to flow freely. That's how you appear attractive.

 

I'm in a similar situation. Back in April my gf called me crying and sobbing one day and broke things off. It was hard, but I wished her well and went NC. For the next month I hoped she'd call, but she didn't. I started to move on. Started seeing more friends, went on a few dates, talked to other girls and went on vacation.

 

It was during vacation that she texted me out of the blue. It had been 3 months of NC. I was busy having fun on vacation and didn't respond to the next day. As much as I'd like another shot with her, with everything else going on right now I'm not attached to the outcome.

 

We've texted a couple of times since and had some really friendly chats. She's been warm, funny, teases me a bit, brings up stuff from when we dated, is a bit flirty and wants to talk on the phone next time. I don't know where this is going yet, but right now she seems rather nervous and a bit anxious. I'm not in any rush to push things with her, and I'm just going to see where the conversation goes. If it goes where I'd like...I'll see what happens and continue. If not...I'll go back to NC and go about my life just as it was pre-LC.

 

The only reason why I feel capable of LC is because I honestly don't feel glued to the outcome.

 

You should know that many times, exes want to meet up just for that. Just to catch up. Be friendly with someone who may have been important in their lives. Sometimes exes are looking for ego boosts and validation, and other are just sincerely looking for friendship. And a few actually want to get back. It's all sort of random. It all depends on the person involved, how you break up, and if there are feelings still there.

 

But you cannot plan for it. You just gotta live your life as you want to live it. If someone want's to be a part of that, or share your experiences with you, they will let you know. You won't have to really second guess yourself.

 

Good luck man!

[blgmike2]

Right. But I know her, this isn't to be friendly. First and foremost I think its because its an ego thing. She wants me to beg for her back. Which I am not going to do. I am going to appear confident but at the same time, going to speak my mind and tell her how I feel. I want to be back with her so badly, yet I cannot show that. Which is hard for me.

 

But I also know that by her meeting up with me, she is going to wonder if this is the right choice. She knows I am hurt, so if she really wanted this to end, why would she put me through that? Why would she want to see me. I guess we will see how it goes, I have been going out and trying to meet new people but my heart is still set on her. I'm not ready to date because I still have faith in her and that time apart might be good for both of us.

 

Now Im not saying that when we meet up, theres a chance she comes back, I don't think thats happening, but hopefully after a couple of months, and the long drive back to school, her thinking about it, with time, she will contact me again, hopefully

 

Heartbreaks suck. Anyone else got an opinion on why she wants to see me before she goes back to school? Any tips or ideas to make myself look more attractive or have her second guess her decision? Thanks in advance

[sharky988]

Cancel the meetup. Don't go. Tell her something came up, sorry.

 

IF she ever changes her mind and wants you back, she'll contact you and tell you THAT. Everything else is just meaningless ego-stroking and breadcrumbs.

[WinterGreen]

I think you should take a look at everything I bolded. Man..I know you want this to work...but you're not ready. I know you must have had some good times with her, love her, want her back...but really...why would you want that with someone who you admit is looking for an ego boost. How could you possibly have a healthy 2nd relationship if it starts on such an unhealthy place - for both of you.

 

What's going to happen if you meet her is that you'll try to play confident and cool. She will most likely sense this. Most likely sense the awkwardness. Maybe she'll give you a hug and appear friendly. But deep down you will want more and you will interpret and over analyze everything little action. Everything will be good but as the conversation doesn't go the way you want - and it most likely won't - the desperate part will jump out at some point and sabotage your efforts. You'll admit your feelings to her and she'll be on her way - out the door. You will have given her the ego boost she desired, you will feel crushed and probably start to be angry with her, and she will leave knowing that she still has you as option B.

 

I think you should just cancel. Canceling won't hinder a possible reconciliation if that should ever happen in the future. I honestly don't think you're ready.

[Wandering_Sword]

I concur. Cancel the meeting. If you have this many ideas and questions running through your head about meeting for a coffee than you are not ready to be in her presence without setting yourself back from healing or at the very least being not desperate.