We broke up two weeks ago and I would like to make this work

[deyra]

If anyone has some advice. Our relationship was short (just on two months), but intense - we saw each other nearly every day and spoke all day long all the time, whether we were going to see each other or not. We fell in love, but my issues forced us apart. He said he's not ready to be friends because it would be hard to be near me without holding me or kissing me but he's open to emailing. I would like for us to get back together but I know I need time to sort myself out because I don't want my issues interfering. I just don't know the best way to approach. I don't want to bombard him, but I don't want him to forget about me, either. Help!

[Switch187]

You need to find a happy "medium" in the two. You need to spend time alone (or for yourself) to help you get a grip on your issues. But that doesn't mean you need to keep No Contact with him if that's not what you really want. Don't contact each other everyday, but try to keep a few days for yourselves so you both can figure out what you want in life and in a relationship. I don't know if this is what you want to hear, or will help you, but when my g/f and I broke up, we kept casual contact with each other for 2 weeks, then we both were able to realize that what we want is each other, and have been back together since then.

[Denalhi]

It sounds like you know what you need to do.

 

I know, as a guy, when ever I hear someone say "I need some time" you can bet that its usally more time to "get over you" than to sort out feelings/problems, ect.

 

I can also understand his not feeling ready to be friends. No guy wants to be friends with someone he loves and just broke up with. yeah guys hurt.

 

If you dont deal with your issues and resolve them to some degree, you will be breaking up again. Also if you have only been dating a short while, then try to decide what issues actually affect the relationship. Good luck.

I wish you the best.

[RHOSS687]

Break up isn't easy, I know because Im on day four with mine right now. Doing something everyday would make hard on both of you. The best way to start out is to NOT stay home thinking "what if", believe me it'll drive you insane. Try to keep your mind off of the whole thing for at least a week or 2, and avoid contact during this time, that will give you both time to think on what you want to do.

 

Its gonna be rough, but try not to contact each other within the first days. The last thing a person wants after a break up, reasonable or not, is to get flooded with phone calls, e-mails or IM's. After these days then you can contact each other, try hard not to rush into the subject, because both of you are in fact thinking about it, and if you rush it could make it worse due to something being said. Take your time to rebuild yourselfs.

[deyra]

I am getting help - I just started therapy to deal with these issues that stem from my childhood that have messed me up. Always I pick the wrong men until this one. He was loving and sweet and decent and I couldn't take it. He knows I would like another chance at some point down the road. I just can't try and do it now since I know I would ruin this again and that's the last thing I want to do. I simply don't want to lose him forever.

 

But I'm trying not to bombard him. The therapy is important and it's hard because it's dredging up a lot of stuff that difficult for me to handle all on my own. I miss my confidante (him).

 

I'm just paranoid that time spent away from me means he'll realise he's better off without me.

 

I guess I'm just trying to find the right medium to deal with this. Does any of this make sense?

[RHOSS687]

It makes alot of sense for me because I feel the same way. But for now you need to either go out with friends and do things, go into public areas, or pick one person to just talk to. Thats all you really need. Its a long road ahead and thinking about makes it worse. Even when all you can do is think, you have to be strong to pull out of it by getting active.

[Denalhi]

What are his feelings? Would he and you get back together right now if you said so? And are you sure that you would ruin it? Are you certian your feeling like you would isnt low self-worth? And that getting back together, being your love and confidante, is just what he wants. And what does your therapist say about it?

[deyra]

I'm not sure what he wants to do. What I know is he loves me and that I hurt him. He originally said even though he was in love with me, he would never allow himself to have feelings for me again and he didn't want to work it out. I was very honest with him about everything that has been going on inside me and now I'm dealing with these issues from my childhood that make me feel we can't be together right now. He is more open to communication right now. I just don't think it will work if we were to get together right now, as much as I want to. I also don't want to have him gone forever. I've told him I love him and would like this to work in the future. So, I simply don't know at all...