so unhappy. girl i like, likes a almost maried man i think

[randy]

hello everyone...i don't know where to start...i have a serious problem...there is a friend (she is 28 i am 24) at work that i have fallen in love with. I can not sleep at nights. I am constantly thinking about her. I have a hard time concentrating at work and endup making stupid mistakes. We have known eachother for 1.5 years. I have been sitting next to her for 7 months now. But i think she is in love with someone else who is PRETTY MUCH MARRIED.

 

PLEASE PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS...I WOULD APPRECIATE ANY HELP.

 

I can't tell if she likes me or if she just wants to be a friend. She sits right next to me. She comes up to me about 6 inches away and starts talking to me about various topics: her ex boyfriends, family and pretty much everything, she wispers in my ear often, touches me on the shoulder, always matches my tone of voice when we talk. We constantely have lunch together and endup having long conversations that last hours (1-2 hrs). She waits for me and I wait for her when we go down to our cafteria to buy stuff. She always tells me when she is leaving the desk to go the the washroom etc. Sometime i look into her eyes and stare at them for a few seconds while we are talking. After stairing into eachothers eyes for about 2-3 seconds she or I would then look away. She has told me a few times that she is lonley (she does not have a boyfriend-she has been without one for about 2 years now). We laugh together a lot. She says she likes slim white guys (i am a medium build brown guy). She says she like a guy who dresses nice. She complementes me on my dressing ever other day or so (she usually says i like your shirt. You should dress like that more often")

 

I have massaged her shoulder. The next few days after I massaged her shoulder she woudl say (quote) "my shoulder hurts again" (end quote) (is she trying to get me to massage them again)?

 

BUT WE HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE OUTSIDE OF WORK (i plan on changing that buy asking her to go places with me every now and then).

 

NOW THERE IS A MAJOR PROBLEM

 

She is friends with someone outside of work who she has known for 1. 5 years (lets call this friend mister 123). They go to dinner, shoping etc together. He is a totally nice person (a gentleman, (but so am i) and she loves that type). He will hold her coat for her. Open the door for her etc (I also do these things for her as well when we are at work. For example, if we were to go down to the cafeteria to buy a quick snack i would hold that snack for her, hold the door open, etc).

 

Now mister 123 is NOT maried but he does have a girlfriend who whe has been with for 3 years. Mister 123 and his girl friend have bought a house together and they both sleep in the same bed. Now mister 123 girlfriend is never home. She works the majority of the time and the only time mister 123 gets to see his girlfriend is around 10PM (after she comes home from work). Now mister 123 calls the girl i like once every day at work. They both joke around about stupid things and laugh together often (remember they also go places together. BUT NOTE THAT THE GIRL I LIKE DOES NOT HAVE MANY FRIEND WHERE SHE IS RIGHT NOW. SHE MOVED HERE RECENTELY). I asked the girl i like if she likes mister 123 (i asked her seriously) and she said no. The girl that i like has a girlfriend that she is close with. The girlfriend has met mister 123 and the girlfriend says that mister 123 is a good person for you as a boyfriend (she is constantly saying this and trying to get the girl that i like and mister 123 together). (i know the girlfriend of the girl that i like - the one that is always trying to get them together. We use to worked together and we talked and got along well. Maybe i should email her and ask her for advice)??? The girl that i like often tells me that mister 123 is like her boyfriend except without the love making etc.

 

Now do you all think i stand a good chance here or any at all of her liking me and eventually falling in love with me? Do you all think the girl that i like loves mister 123 or are they just good friends???

 

I would really like to know what the girls/women on these fourms think (men as well also).

 

please share your wisdom.

 

 

I really like this girl...honestely if she were to come up to me tomorrow and ask me to marry her i would...i really care for her and really like her.

 

she is always telling me how she has been hurt by her 2 ex boyfriends (one just wanted to get her in bed and the other broke up with her after a year because he said he was "no longer attracted to her"). She deserves to be treated corectely and I wish i can get a chance to show her how much i care about her.

 

 

PLEASE COMENT ON WHAT YOU THINK. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU THINK. I JUST WANT SOME HELP HERE.

 

 

[Ddog187]

dude i got the same problem with this girl in my math class i truly love. I read the whole thing lol exact same story for me but different like she does not like anyone and shes singal and i think she likes me. But i want to see what other people reply to this.

[sepiaswirl]

ok 1st, u should prolly do the opposite of what your instincts have been telling you do to in some respects

 

if u like her, you should make your intentions much clearer from now on. its hard to get out of that "friend" routine once youre in it, so i would take a risk and ask her to do something off hours the first time u get those signals from her. if shes been single this long and u like her, just go for it. wouldnt even take a lot of stock in what is going on with the other guy...listening TOO much to what some1 is saying is almost as bad as not listening at all. i also like it when i see a guy who doesnt seem to care who else may be interested

 

there are only 3 things that should stop u from askin her, and neither have to do with that guy. 1st, if u think that a refusal would make u feel more uncomfortable than u feel right now...dont do it. 2nd, if u see her giving u the same signals she gives every other guy, run away 3rd, relationships and work dont often mix very well. if u are going to be there for a while and dont want to bring a load of drama into the workplace, hold back. i got fired from my only "real" job cuz of a guy

 

if either of those reasons cause u to back away, feel happy that u made the right decision.

 

tell us how u did if u ask her out!!!

[randy]

Yes i might feel worst if she says no but i think its worth the chance. I will build up to actually asking her out in 2-3 weeks from now. My good friend that i work with will be inviting she and I to come over to his place for a bit of a get together (will just be the 2 of us, my friend and his kids, I will bring drinks and stuff also). The strange thing is when he came over to invite her and I to his place she said ok cool can i bring mister 123. That totaly crushed me then and there and i can tell my friend knew it. What do u think about her asking mister 123 to come over as well?

 

Question: I know people tend to go after what they can't have (i.e mister 123). Would you girls/women still chase after mister 123 know well that he is pretty much not avaliable?

 

She does tend to flirt at times. I noticed she used to flirt with me a lot but now she hardly does that. She more just talks to me more seriously and at times jokes around with me.

 

I don't need to worry about the job thing since our contract will be over in 7 months.

 

 

I will ask her out to dinner. (i find dinner to be more romantic than a movie) once i have the courage and the time is right. I will just try to make it casual like this:

 

ME: hi how was your weekend?

 

SHE: alright. Kind of booring (she usually says her weekends are booring)

 

ME: ya that sucks, what are you doing this upcoming weekend?

 

SHE: noting

 

ME: k cool. I have a pretty booring weekend ahead also. Hey lets go get some food or something this weekend?

 

 

how does that sound?????

 

 

 

Please keep the useful advice coming.

[Double J]

Now do you all think i stand a good chance here or any at all of her liking me and eventually falling in love with me? Do you all think the girl that i like loves mister 123 or are they just good friends???

 

Randy,

Take it easy. You're jumping ahead of yourself. It's too early right now to be thinking of whether you're in a good position for her to fall in love. So many guys have this problem of investing their emotions so quickly. You have to take things one day at a time. If you like her so much and are willing to take this chance, you should first find out how close her and that guy are. How long have you been friends with this girl? If it's been for a year or more, you know that this is probably going to come as a shock, because she might not be expecting it and could be accustomed to you as her good work buddy. But if you like her so much that you're willing to take the risk, do it. Flirt with her, apply a little kinoesthetics (touching). I'm sure that she'll pick up on this sooner or later, and based on how she acts afterwards, you'll know where this is headed.

[randy]

any advice on how i should go about emm flirting with her??? She always says she has a fat stomach and we joke around and say she is 2 months pregnant. I always say let me see. Let me touch your stomach and find out...she always laughs and kind of pulls away when i try to do that jokingly (she never actually lets me touch it though). I think when we are talking more i will start touching her on the sholder, then hands then palms etc.

 

How does this sound??? Does it mean she is unsecure that she will not let me touch her stomach (she does not trust me enough). Or maybe she thinks i am weird for trying?

 

 

 

AND HONESTLY I HAVE NO CLUE HOW TO FIND OUT IF SHE LIKES MISTER 123. How do i find this out? I asked her seriously and she said no, but i do not think she is being honest with me.

[randy]

she just asked me to go on a ski trip with her on january. Ofcourse some of her friends and mister 123 will be taking part as well. She is so confusing. My head hurts, i am thinking about this to much.

 

Also again i asked her seriously i quote my self "so tell me honestly do you like mister 123" she sayd no i said "common be honest do u like him" she said "no i dont like him. why does it matter though" I said "well i am just curious u know, just wanted to know if u like him" During this she was laughing and smiling. U know that kind of laugh/smile that says "OMG i think he likes me".

 

 

What does it mean. I think i am gona asker her to a movie on Tuesday (she is going to her family tomorrow and will be back Tuesday).

 

 

Man i have courage with everything except asking out girls haha. I know i can do this though. Its just like sticking your feet into the ice cold water in the lake then jumping right in afterwards ... rrrrrrrrright ................... rrrrrrrrrrright ... ok maybe not exactly like that.

[randy]

i am thinking of giving up on this girl. She wants what she can not have and she is such a dam flirt. Just now my friend (who will be getting married in 4 months) just came over to her desk to help her with something. She started huging his arm and putting her head on this sholder right in front of me and one of myother friends. (she also likes hanging out with mister 123 who is pretty much maried) .What the ****. What is she trying to do, make me jelous or is she just dam flirtey...what the **** i don't understand her at all. I think i might move on...

 

what do u all think??