She's back oh wait a minute she's gone again....

[sspaul72]

Hi everyone I havn't been heer in a while until last week when my heart was shattered into pieces once again. I always seem to feel better to know that I am not alone and I thank everyone on here who shares there pain with us. I will try to make this as short as possible so here goes. I am now 32 and she is 24, we went out for 14 months. We broke up in september of 2003 over issues concerning her ex boyfriend wanting her back(need I say more). Anyway I was completely devastated for about 8 months after that. I tried the begging and pleading all the nonsense that I shouldn't have been doing. Durning this time from day one of our breakup she was with him everyday. She told me time and time again that they where just friends.Yeah right, here is a guy that she went out with for four years. Anyway he started to be a jerk and they ended up fighting alot. So around the beggining of October of this year she started to call me more than usual ( we still kept in touch threw all of this). So we started to hang out just about everyday (as friends) and I was very happy that she came into my life again. Everything was great until last week when some guy at work asked her for her phone # and she gave it to him. Then one day she decided that she was going to go out with him and hang out. She said that they where just friends. Now me being totally surprised by this because I thought that we where giving us another try by being friends for a while and going from there. Anyway she got mad at me for getting upset about the new guy saying that it shouldnt bother me that she hangs out with him. Needless to say I have been heartbroken once again by this girl and she has been hanging out with him everyday since. The problem is that I love this girl so much and I feel like I am going to lose her to this guy. I dont know what to do, and I dont want to lose her again. Do I just let her do her thing and watch her slip away or what? I told her how I feel but it doesnt seem to do much. I feel pretty stupid for letting her do this to me twice but I feel like she needs to do things like this to figure out what she wants. People tell me not to call her but I feel like I am telling her that I dont care and to go ahead and be with someone else. I want to fight for her and I want to show her how much I love her! Can someone please help me do the right thing. I dont want to lose her but I dont want her to think Im crazy by fighting for her either. What do I do? Pleasee help

[rnorth]

On the one hand, acting jealous is a big turn off for a woman. But you have precedence to be insecure.

 

It sounds like she has a case of "the grass is always greener". I would back off. Find other ways to make yourself happy. Don't push her away if she wants to talk, but don't pine over her and act desparate.

 

Confidence is very appealing to women. Lack of confidence and desparation can be a big turn off.

[sspaul72]

You have to understand that this girl has been treated like crap by guys her whole life. I am the only person that has been this way to her. I dont act desperate I just tell her how I feel. I think she is scared of that. Im afraid if I back off she will just think I dont care just like the rest of them.

[densil]

Hi I'm afraid there is no easy answer. I know what you're going through. You probably think/hope that there is some brilliant sentence that you can say to her that will bring her to her senses. But I very much doubt this. She know how you feel about her, end of story. Believe me, the more you try and convince her the faster she will run in the opposite direction. Having said that its human nature and despite all the great advice on these forums you are going to probably try all the pleading, encouraging and begging. But you will get bored of it and you will save yourself the misery (eventually!). Try and see this and you may get over it a lot quicker. If you are what she wants you she WILL come back. And if you chase her she definetly won't.

 

Steve

[Belle]

Sounds like she doesn't feel like she deserves being treated well and takes you for granted because you are good to her. Stop defending her. Her actions aren't great, they're selfish at best.

 

take your goodness and offer it to someone who wants it and willing to stand still with you to get it.

[titan]

if you love her fight for her, but back off for now, believe me i know its hard but just back off and if she loves you she will come back. Just give her time all the while just being nice.

[sspaul72]

Thanks for all the replies. I do agree that backing off is the best thing but I have already done this with her and it really stinks that I have to go threw this again with the same person. I know I really love her, I havnt even been able to date anyone since we broke up and that was over a year ago. The holidays are coming and I thought she was going to be around for them. I really wish something would happen to make her realise what she is doing. I agree that she is a very selfish person but I know that I am good for her I just wish she would relise that. I am the worst when it comes to no contact. Time scares the hell out of me! Each day that goes by without me doing anything about this makes me feel like a quitter. On the other hand I think she knows that Im always going to be there because obviously I am still here after all this time so she takes these chances because she knows she can always fall back on me if they dont work out right? So what am I doing? I feel so stupid.