Love finds you when you least expect it - Makes sense?

[Double J]

I think it makes perfect sense. When you actively pursue someone too hard, it's almost like going against the flow, or against the grain so to speak. People have to realize that not everyone they meet is going to be attracted to them, so it shouldn't let them down. A good example was me a few years ago. At one point I really wanted a girlfriend, so what did I do? I actively looked for girls online - either in chatrooms or directories - and wanted to see which one would suit me best for a relationship.

 

This, of course, never led to anything. Many of the girls were either not looking for anyone, already in a relationship, or not interested. This doesn't happen only online, but in the real world too. You'll meet different people with different agendas. It's hard when you get attached to someone who isn't feeling it for you the same way, but in the long run you'll realize that the person was better suited for someone else, not you.

 

I think there's someone for all of us out there; it's not a matter of searching hard, but making yourself available in places where you can engage in social intercourse. Joining clubs, vocational classes, and taking up other hobbies (karate, etc) are good ways to do it. Looking online also broadens your horizons, but be weary of the fact that sometimes you never know what people online really want until you meet them in person.

 

In the end, I think the person you end up with is someone who is heading in the same direction in life as you. Someone who you share similar goals and values with, and who possesses a personality that compliments yours. It'll be someone who can learn from you, and someone you can learn from at the same time. It's easier to find someone like this when you're busy with your own life and aren't constantly worrying about finding a girlfriend or boyfriend.

 

It's almost as if nature (or fate if you want to call it that) always chooses in the end - but you have to use your free will in seeing where that person could be.

 

Feel free to comment.

[abcd1234]

I think that saying works because when you are actively searching for love you have something specific in mind of what it is going to be like and possibly even who the person is going to be. The problem with this is, as you said, most people who you think might fit that description wont be attracted to you.

 

I agree withyou that making yourself available in social situations is one of the best things that a person can do, if you are somewhere that you enjoy being (such as at a karate class) then the chance of finding someone with similar interests and goals as you is greatly increased.

[PAdreamer]

This was a wonderful post! Very logical but also very romantic, in a way. It doesn't all have to be about fate and destiny- although I acknowledge that they do take a hand. There's a happy medium. A balanced life and a balanced perspective simply opens your heart and mind to new possibilities, and sometimes things that you never understood before become clear. A person that you may not have been attracted to when you were looking so hard is suddenly a wonderful person for you because you aren't limited by your expectations.

 

Wow... Now I'm confusing myself! But still, it makes wonderful sense.

[Alabama]

Unfortunetly, I found this out the hard way. Last year in my highschool, I spend my whole year trying to find love. Man that was a waste. I went through a horrible depression and thought that if I found love, I would find true happiness. Yet now, I've realized this isn't true. I've found my happiness simply being single. I don't mind anymore not having a relationship. It'll come one day...and if it doesn't, I don't mind. Since I've already found my true happiness: life.

[Double J]

Good mindset, Alabama. Although in life you have to be persistent and work hard in certain things like finding a job and achieving other goals, finding the right person is not a matter of serious effort - it's a matter of finding a person who complements your life at the right time. I guess it's all a matter of patience.

[Caldus]

Stay patient my friends. 8)

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Stay patient my friends. 8)

 

 

 

HA! That's easy to say when you're in your teens or early 20s. How about someone in their 30s who's sick and tired of waiting?! Sick and tired of watching others find their soulmate or watch soulmates fall into others' laps while we try ten times harder than they do and don't get jack squat?! I've browsed through literally thousands of personals online since 1999, and found 0 that I appeal to - not who appeal to me. Couldn't even get a date out of them. Why? I'm not tall enough, don't make enough money, don't do this, don't do that, I'm not this or I'm not that. Women like senses of humor right? Well I make everyone laugh. No one who has met me has disliked me. So where is this magical person? I tell you where, in Fantasy Land. There were so many girls/women that I've met who like me, but don't like-like me. They find the good looking hunk, the rich guy, the other guy and I'm left alone thinking about them!

 

I'm sick of being patient! I've been patient long enough so I give up!!! To hell with love and to hell with "soulmates!"

 

 

[ShySoul]

The harder you search for something the more it seems to elude you. At least that's how it seems to be with love. When you look for the perfect romance you'll usually end up heartbroken and sad when it doesn't come your way. There needs to be a balance. Be active and put yourself out there, but do it for you. Do things you enjoy because you want to have fun. Be proud of yourself and work to be the kind of person you want to be.

 

This allows the opportunity and chance for love to find you. From there you have to take the initiative. Don't make your life dependent on finding someone else but don't avoid the chance of love when it is there.

 

And don't give up hope. Everyone gets sick of waiting and discouraged that they haven't found the one yet. But when that day does come it will be worth all the hurt, all the lonliness, and all the longing to know that the person you've waited for is finally there.

[Caldus]

I'm not tall either but I'm not going to let something like that get to me. There are girls out there who don't really care too much about height. However it is true that a lot of women want a taller guy but hey if they don't like you because of your height then they aren't even worth your time. I assume that when you say "not tall" that you mean like under 6'. Well I am 5'7". It used to bother me but it doesn't really bother me anymore. And as the previous poster said, just do things in life for yourself and not just for finding a girlfriend. Me? I enjoy working with computers and websites. Right now I am planning on making a huge website that will be launched some time in the spring for an online game (as soon as professors stop dumping work on me, hehe) I am programming. Can't wait until I get my dad's old 5 mghz computer so that I can toast it and turn it into a webserver. But I also plan to try and get out more as well.

 

Oops, getting off-track. But the point is: yes, it can be very frustrating but finding women is not all there is to life (as hard as it can seem). It is a part of life but not life itself. I find that every time I start to have a negative attitude about it all that I start to feel much worse so I have tried my best lately not to think negatively about the situation as much as possible. As cliche as it sounds: patience is a virtue.

[winkie]

I at one time searched for the perfect person. When I say perfect I mean perfect for me. As we all know there really is no perfect person. I thought that I had found him. He ended up in the long run breaking my heart. I still searched and nothing was good enough for me at that time. When I finally just let it be I found him. There he was standing in the corner of a bar, when I had least expected it. I was not there to meet anyone. I was there for my 10 yr High School reunion. I looked at him and honestly knew he was the one. I never was like that before. I went and talked to him and at the end of the night exchanged #'s. He called me the next day. We spoke on and off for about 7 months, always staying in contact. We know live together and I have never be happier. Do we have everything in common? No, but that is what makes it work. I never would have expected to be this happy. The funny thing is that he was friends with a friend of mine from college. I had never met him because my friend (his friend) never hung out outside of school. It was better that way because he had a g/f for about 5 years and I had the b/f for about 3 yrs so it was not the right time for us. I truly believe that things have a way of working out. I am sorry to those of you have never found love. I wish you luck. The only advice I have to give is that when you dont have someone you seem, less confident and that is your vibe that other people see, maybe not you. Live life like you have love in it, it does not neccesarily have to be from a girl or boyfriend but from your family and friends.

 

" Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the

realization of how much you already have"

 

Winkie

[Double J]

I like your reasoning, ShySoul. I think it's better to wait than to jump into a precarious relationship with a person you're not sure you're really interested in. The best relationships seem to come about when people are not looking. I guess looking too hard is like going against the natural flow of things.