Are you willing to walk away?

[Exocet]

You must always be willing to walk away in life: from a job, from past hurts, from a relationship.

 

You are a prize to be pursued, you are a person of value. You are the opportunity of a lifetime for them, and if they are not prepared to value this opportunity, they don't deserve it.

 

My point in this post is to let everyone of you out there who has ever suffered heartache and pain beyond words, know that it is not your fault, or your loss.

 

Why do NC (No Contact), when you know it is just a game you play to try to preserve your sanity for just that short period of time? Why feel anger at a cheating partner when you know that he/she chose not to experience what only you can give them? Why make stupid promises to yourself to never love another as deeply again, when you know you will forget the promise the moment your prince charming/snow white appears?

 

Take heart, all my friends here, because even though I don't know you by name, we all share a common quality: We are masters of ourselves and slaves to no other.

[rich46]

You are a prize to be pursued, you are a person of value. You are the opportunity of a lifetime for them, and if they are not prepared to value this opportunity, they don't deserve it.

Great point...that's how I look at it now. It's hard to say it without sounding big headed, but I think my ex has let go of something good, and she'll have to live with that. She even said as much when we last spoke about a month ago.

 

I look forward to meeting someone who will truly appreciate this "prize"...!

 

Thanks!

[ayekasong]

Good points, Exocet. I hope all those who have suffered heartache read your post. We are all worth more than we give ourselves for.

[Exocet]

We are all worth more than we give ourselves for.

 

You speak truth.

 

Our worth is not determined by how others see us, but by how we see ourselves. If we do not learn to love ourselves deeply, there is no way we can learn to love another person. How do you want to teach someone to run, when you can't even walk?

[lt]

thats really good advice. it actually gave me the courage to quit lieing to myself and tell my ex we wont be talking anymore at the expense of my aching heart. thank you

[fly8405]

Wow. I have been going through something for a while now. It's hard to love yourself when you think you can't just cut it. I am learning though and I hope to pull through. I know I have made mistakes but I have learned from them.

[Breea]

I agree wholeheartedly ...you've got to value yourself enough to know that everything will be okay no matter what. Don't compromise in life. Be willing to walk away ...as much as you never want to have to. I'm going through the same thing right now. Evaluating my relationship. I love my bf more than I've ever loved anyone in my whole life, but I am willing to leave if my needs cannot be met by him. It is a struggle though ...I don't want to lose him. I will fight for us but be realistic if it's not right for me. I know it sounds selfish but you DO have to love yourself. In the end nobody is gonna stick up for you like You must. ...ok, i'm rambling now. Life is short ...enjoy it now!!! -Bree

[Break up Veteran]

That's a fact,

 

I have struggled with my ex for the last 8 months and have finally reached the same conclusion. The funny thing is after all this time I have managed to invalidate every reason she had for us splitting up and she has admitted that there is no one quite like me. In a way this makes it even easier for me to walk as we both know it is her loss. It has only been two days so far.

 

I think that if you don't walk away you'll never know for sure if they are the one. If they let you go then so be it. If they chase you down no matter what, then maybe, just maybe they might be. It is the thought of losing them forever that scares us all.

 

In a way they had already reached this conclusion by ending things. I think even if they convince themselves they are doing what is best they are testing themselves (in a strange way). They have reached the point where they can say I am willing to let go and see what happens. As dumpees we need to be able to do the same (I know, easier said then done).

 

Embrace the unknown

[shockeddismayed]

Great post.

 

It is important to realize that we sometimes trap ourselves into unhealthy situations with our jobs, relationships, etc, partly b/c we think we can do no better... or because we have an exagerated sense of loyalty or need for external validation... or other similar reasons.

 

Remember that your first loyalty is to yourself... after that everything will follow naturally.

 

When you dishonour this loyalty, you end up hurting yourself, and you WILL feel down and of less worth because of it.

 

Learn to recognize this behaviour before it spirals out of control. When you are not being valued externally, stand up and value yourself internally. If you are still being taken for granted (work, spouse, friends), you must walk away before you lose your own intrinsic value and accept theirs as reality.

[Scout]

My point in this post is to let everyone of you out there who has ever suffered heartache and pain beyond words, know that it is not your fault, or your loss.

 

I thought most of your post was very true, but I disagree with what you said above. The fact is, we all have some responsibility for relationships that end badly, even if it's only that we ignore the red flags in the beginning that of the relationship that were warning us. Also, we all have traits that need to be worked on, maturity that needs to continue to develop, and personal growth that needs to happen before we can be in a successful, healthy relationship.

[Exocet]

My bad, I forgot to specify that if you are the one who was unfairly dumped/ill-treated/cheated on/jilted for no apparent reason/jilted for a ridiculous reason.....

 

.......Then this message is for you.

 

I understand that mostly when a relationship fails, both parties are to blame for some thing or the other; the important thing is not to assign blame, but to reflect upon ourselves, apologise, change for the better, and stay that way.

 

Thanks to the nice moderator lady for pointing it out.

[Scout]

Ha! "Nice Moderator Lady"...i love it!

[Breea]

I agree and like what you said, shocked&dismayed

 

"Learn to recognize this behaviour before it spirals out of control. When you are not being valued externally, stand up and value yourself internally. If you are still being taken for granted (work, spouse, friends), you must walk away before you lose your own intrinsic value and accept theirs as reality"

 

That is exactly how I feel. What a powerful point. Thank you. -Bree