Good compatibility- can it be maintained? how ?

[sunehaa]

i've recently gone thru a break up. my guy asserted that " we r incompatible". though he never realised of his over possessiveness on me...

 

its said that all individuals r unique ..no two ppl r alike . means no one is borned to be compatible with another. this compatibility is a 'rhythm' of interaction , devaloped among the couples for going on together.

thus proper efforts sud be made from both sides to maintain it ...right ?

 

how far is it justified to say "we r incompatible" without giving it a try to sustain it ?

when undue domination , stubbornness, lack of mutual understandings n trust strain the compatibility between a pair...how to overcome it ? wat sud be done ?

 

pals ...plzz help.

[Recovering_Lover]

Hi,

 

This is purely my opinion.

 

There are a lot of reasons for incomptability. But if you both enjoyed each other company and were togather for a few months at least, then there is commonality and both of you can be togather.

 

But for any relationship, I believe, its when you start having problems, and both of you stick togather to work out these problems, thats when you see if both of you can really be togather.

 

Now, some people are not matured enough to take the problems, so they prefer to run away. Often the excuse is, "not compatible" and they often don't have a reason, or they have 1001 reasons, choose your pick.

 

So, if the person runs away, then he is not matured enough to work out things with you. You realized he has insecurities but you were still with him, and you want to work out things, but he is not feeling the same, so there is no "compatability" would be my contention.

 

You need two people who are willing to work things out togather, to have a good relationship.

 

I'm sorry the guy you met is like that.

 

Well take care.

 

R.L.

[bleeder]

I do not quite agree with the existence of "incompatibility" in couples.

 

I have always believed that it takes two people to make a relationship work. As mentioned, no two people are born to be entirely compatible. Everything in life requires time and effort to make it succeed, and relationships shouldn't be otherwise.

 

Many people I know use the term "incompatible" as an excuse, as a reason to get away from things without even trying. They do not take that extra step to work things out or to cover the angles before calling it quits.

 

We should only give up when the other party goes all out to contradict us. To blame your every step and move. We cannot win in those cases.

 

Ah well.. just my 2 cents here.

[gersanos]

I had a girl tell me the same thing once before. We dated for a few months, and it was right in the middle of our first big fight when she blurted it out. I stopped being angry once I heard this, and it was like I was scratching my head thinking "what?" I was shocked because it came out of left field, and I talked to her about it. I told her I don't think we are incompatible, and she never mentioned a thing about it, but starting saying how she's unhappy now after our first fight, and we ended things shortly thereafter. She admitted that she was not willing to work on the relationship, because things aren't perfect anymore between us. Talk about an extremely immature girl.

 

I don't think that there is a matter of incompatibility between people for the reasons mentioned in the thread. It is an excuse. It is a cop-out from putting forth the effort, which was the case with the girl I dated in the past that said this.

 

Look at it this way. I still wanted to be with her and got smacked with this, similarly to what your situation was sunehaa. But it's a good thing that we find out about this stuff in the early stages about a person. When things we're "perfect" all was well, but after a big fight it just plummeted. These people are immature, and will not be able to have meaningful relationships with others (be it friends, or romantic) until they work on themselves a bit and grow up. Looking back, I can see how that girl was immature in her life, and although I should have saw it, what can I say, I liked her and we were falling for each other.

 

You received, like I did in the past, a very poor answer as to why things have ended between you two. It's best to move along, and stay clear of him. He'll contact you one day of he really wants to, but more than likely not, unless they change as people - I never once heard from that girl since we broke up. I'm sure that you did a fine job in keeping up your part of the relationship and putting forth the effort.

 

I still had feelings for her, but more importantly, my mind could not comprehend the fallicious logic behind it all. In essense, they just ran away for whatever reasons they justified in their mind, and you should hold her head up high because you know you gave it your all.

 

Hang in there.