How to tell him you don't want to date anymore

[laboheme]

This is a trivial question, but I've never had to end things with someone I was just casually dating, so I don't know how. I know how to handle things if they fizzle after the second date, or how to have a break-up talk when ending a relationship. Here, we've been on a decent number of dates, so I feel like I can't just disappear, yet it's not serious enough for a break-up talk.

 

How do you go about doing it? Especially considering that there wasn't any kind of trigger that I can point to.

[VivianSmith]

Well, if you went on a decent amount of dates then it IS serious enough for a break-up talk.

 

Don't make it too complicated and don't text it to the poor guy either.

 

Just the next time you guys get together, tell him, be blunt about it and don't suggest to be "friends" either, he might still think he has a shot with you and keep trying to contact you.

 

What you do is just say that you feel like being single for a while and that you aren't interested in anything for the moment. That's all.

 

If you haven't slept with this man or you dated casually as a friends with benefit type of thing, still do the break-up talk. As before just say that you are no longer interested in seeing him because you want to just stay single for a while and you don't think that men and women make the best of friends, that you'd feel more comfortable with having female friends etc.

[StayTrueToYou]

Just tell him that you don't see it going anywhere. If it were me, I would appreciate honesty. Definitely don't suggest being friends. Phone call or in person would be fine.

[potd2009]

Hmm, well, I just did this yesterday (although, as described in my thread on the first page of this forum, there were two very clear triggers, so there was no confusion about why I was ending things.) Because in my case there were specific incidents, "the talk" started out with a discussion of those. Since he wanted to continue dating, at some point, I just had to say, "Unfortunately, I don't feel that I can continue." He asked some questions about whether and why I was sure, but ultimately accepted my reasons. Then, we had a brief conversation about how to handle things when we see each other in person (same social circle/likely to cross paths at events). And then, noting that actually saying bye is "always the hardest part," he wished me good luck in finding that "special someone," I wished him the same, and we concluded with a "see you around."

 

If you've been on a number of dates, I feel that at least offering a phone call would be courteous, if not an in-person conversation. I think you can start by simply saying that you're not feeling things romantically and don't think it makes sense to continue dating. If he wants more of an explanation, I think you should be able to say something if there is something. If there's really not, you may have to fall back on just not feeling that spark, despite having had a good time and enjoyed the process of getting to know him. Good luck.

 

PS It may end up feeling more like a "breakup-lite" than you think, especially if you did connect well, liked him on some level, or were intimate. I'm surprised by the feeling this morning that I just had a mini-breakup and that the guy is now a "sorta-but-not-quite ex."

[Edmund Exley]

Whatever you say, dont say "Its not you its me"

[and so it goes]

what if it is "not you, it's me" though?

 

(I swear most of the times that I've ended things this has been the case)

[laboheme]

Thanks, all. I was just wondering if I owed him any more of an explanation other than "I don't see it going anywhere." Obviously, I was not planning on doing it via text.

 

And it's not him, nor me. It's someone else. (Because we were never exclusive, I was dating other people and realized that as nice as this guy may be, I have more of a spark with someone else).

[VivianSmith]

Thanks, all. I was just wondering if I owed him any more of an explanation other than "I don't see it going anywhere." Obviously, I was not planning on doing it via text.

 

And it's not him, nor me. It's someone else. (Because we were never exclusive, I was dating other people and realized that as nice as this guy may be, I have more of a spark with someone else).

 

Well, if he wasn't interested in you enough to want to be monogamous and he was OK with you seeing other guys because you guys had a no-strings-attached type of arrangement, then you don't really owe him anything, just a simple " I've met someone I have more in common with" will suffice.