suspicous that friend is anorexic- need help

[catgirl82]

i need some advice on how to handle this situation, especially if anyone out there has been in a similar situation and can share their experience.

 

one of my best friends from high school has recently lost about 20-30 lbs i would say. she was never overweight to begin with. i'd say she went from a size 10 to a size 2-4 (shes about 5' 6") shes got a pretty large bone structure, so the sudden weight loss is unnatural and shocking. and this all happened in the course of 2 or 3 months, which is REALLY fast. ive been out to restaurants with her before where shes made excuses to not really eat much on her plate (her stomach hurts, etc). shes also exercising alot more. shes been getting alot of attention from guys and shes also been alot more promiscuous once this whole weight loss thing started. i think she is HAPPY that shes lost all this weight, but i fear that there is a much more serious problem- an eating disorder. some other friends suspect the same thing. ive been away at school for a few months, so i havent seen/talked to her much, but i feel obligated to say something, because i am probably one of her best friends.

 

my question is, do you think saying something will hurt our friendship? i suspect that it will. i have a friend who was in a similar situation that said it tore the friendship apart in her case. i dont want to lose her as a friend and i know that saying something isnt giong to make her stop because she likes the way she looks. i dont know what to do. any feedback would be GREATLY appreciated. i am seeing her over thanksgiving and frankly, i am quite nervous about how to handle this whole situation. its like the big pink elephant in the room that no one talks about but we all know its there...

[DBL]

I would confront her if she was my friend. I'm not afraid of losing friends though. Don't get mad at her about it, then you may lose a friend. You have to be supportive in what ever roles she is in. If it progresses, then you may want to have a talk with her family.

 

My father lost a lot of weight quickly too, found out he was diabetic.

 

Good Luck

DBL

[jheniya]

i agree with DBL. i was anorexic/bulimic for a year, and when i told my best friends, they were pissed off. of course that didnt help at all, and made me want to get deeper into my eating disorder, but i've been friends with them for quite awhile and know they care. i listened and im on my way to recovery...

 

i was overweight during middle school, and i lost my baby fat a year before high school. i appreciated the attention from the guys too...and going from a size 7 to a size 3..but killing yourself slowly to look thin and getting attention isnt worth it.

 

if you're worried about her. talk to her. dont lecture her about how bad it is. instead, consider what might have drove her into an eating disorder (if she has one). in most cases, its something more than whats seen to the eye. approach her in an understanding, open-minded situation. just dont jump to conclusions and be ready for her if she gets upset and yells at you. most people with secrets like eating disorders, self-mutilation, etc. dont want to hear that they have a problem and that something is wrong with them.

 

good luck.

[swordman]

She is 5'6" and size 10; I hate to say--from a guy's point of view--she is a little bit big. You don't see that because you love her. I think you should talk to her At least it is showing her that you care about her. I would love to have this kinda friend around me forever. But confronting with her, maybe you need to do in the "soft" way, show her what you feel, think and concern, and see how her feedback is. Show your supportive would be nice too.

[tea]

5'6" and size 4 is about right. Tell her that the body she has right now is the most beautiful she can get. If she gets skinnier she'll just start becoming ugly... =/ okay, don't tell her that...but it's true.

 

Let her know that she's pretty, help her build some self esteem, and go find out about calories and stuff, convince her that if she eats a certain amout of certain food she won't gain any weight, and food wont' make her ugly, and watch her to make sure she eats.

 

 

I was anorexic for like.. .3 months... I simply got out of it because I REALLY don't like anorexic people's mentality, and when I realized that I wasn't eating because I became one of the anorexics I was so shocked and I forced food into my mouth and now I'm fine again.

 

Don't get mad at her, let her know she's very beautiful right now but shouldn't go any further, and support her + force her to eat some.

[catgirl82]

im not saying shes too skinny for her frame. i am saying that its really weird that she lost all that weight so quickly, especially since she's always been very athletic (running marathons, playing varsity sports) and was never as thin as she is now. and she never ate all that much to begin with. so while she might look good at a size 2-4, i dont think its ok to encourage her and tell her that she looks great because i think it will send her spiralling out of control

[tiffgurl]

BIG @ 5'6" and a size 10????? I think u need to research b4 throwing a comment like that out! I'm sorry, but people like you are the reason people like me suffer from eating disorders... I am 5'8" with a med to lrg frame and skin and bones in a size 12-14. To say someone is about right in a size 4 is an absolutely rediculous thing to say. I guarentee your comments have done more harm than good... made me feel like a lowlife just looking over them. Please, if your not educated on a subject, don't respond!!!

[Yorkrose23]

Are you sure she's got an eating disorder??????

Maybe I'm missing something here, but why exactly do you think she has an eating disorder? Because she lost a lot of weight quickly and she's eating less? That's not always the sign of an eating disorder. Be careful.

I would say unless you see her puking up her food or looking really unhealthy(ie bones sticking out, etc.) you may want to get a second opinion. I'm a nutritionist and according to standards, a woman at 5'6" at size 2-4 is perfectly normal. Granted you know the situation better than I do, I would just say to be careful. But I have had clients lose weight quickly and change eating habits, it is possible to do in a healthy manner.

Get all the facts before you make a speech, and ask her first.

[tea]

Yeah... I'm 5'7" and size 5~6... I'm considered slightly over weight too. i also have mid to large frame.

 

It sucks, but I just face the reality and try being more healthy. If I control what I eat and exericise the weight's bound to go away. No matter how much I weigh I know I'm beautiful and I'm always happy with myself, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell myself I'm not over weight. >_> I know I am. I calculated the body mass ratios and I'm on the high end.