Could my ex turn my best friend against me?

[aseeker]

While I was dating my ex, I sometimes vented about my best friend. Particularly in a period where we were angry at each other for something stupid. I told him things that will definitely hurt my friend if he shows it to her. And I can't be sure he won't do it, because I feel he's capable of anything.

 

He vented about his best friend too but I no longer have those conversations (were permanently deleted).

 

I was very angry at the time with her, although I don't remember very well what I said. I know I was spiteful and badmouthed her, and he seemed to enjoy it (I should have known better). It's probably been a year since then. But I'm still scared my ex will use those conversations and show them to her just to make her hate me....

 

What could I do to make things right? Do you think I should warn her beforehand and explain that I didn't mean any of it, in case he does show it to her? I'm very sorry for what I said but I can't really take it back now....

[His Woman]

I was in the same situation once. Was in a FWB relationship w/ this guy. I told him I was dating a guy, thus felt it best we stopped having sex. He turned nutso on me, over time, because he developed feelings for me and couldn't handle me being with another man.

 

Among the *many* games that he played with me, he decided to tell my friend all of this crap that I had told him about her. Needless to say, I did lose her as a friend. And I learned a real hard lesson about gossiping and how wrong it really is to talk about other people behind their backs. I really hurt my friend and I lost her as well.

 

It didn't help that the guy that I was dealing with apparently had mental issues, because he went much farther than that in order to get revenge on me. I can't even get into it right now because that's a whole other story in itself.

 

I must say that this guy did make many threats to me that he would tell her what I said. Is your ex making any threats to you? Not that it probably matters because people probably do things in their own ways.

 

My advice is that if you are truly convinced that this guy will say something to your friend, then come clean to her now. I honestly feel that if I had told my friend about all of this before my ex FWB told her, we would have been able to work through this, and her feelings wouldn't have been hurt as badly and I would still probably have her as a friend today.

 

I'm really sorry that you're going through this. I know that you messed up and I know that I did too, but people make mistakes. Just make sure that you learn something from this because I certainly did.

[laninaperdida]

He most certainly can, if he wants to.

However, guys really aren't as petty when it comes to **** like this.

Not like girls.

If you had of vented to another girl you can be sure the person being vented about knows.

I wouldn't warn her.

That implies guilt.

A vent is a vent.

It's on a different level than **** talking.

The difference between them is pretty small, lol, but there is a diff.

If he shows her, just explain yourself.

You can't be responsible to watching out for people's feelings ever single time.

[amipushy]

If you are really worried that he will do that then bring it up to your friend. Tell her to remember the time when things weren't great between you both and say you used your ex as a sounding board and you fear that your ex will use that stuff against you to cause problems between you both now that you are best friends again.

[aseeker]

Thank you everyone! I decided to tell her and she understood, saying anger makes us say and do many hurtful things we wouldn't normally say/do. She even said she did the same (and that she was sorry too), which made us both laugh and forget about the whole ordeal

[karotini]

Glad it worked out. This should be a reminder to try to watch what you say and who you say it to - even when you are angry.