50 Days of NC ...... and counting

[skynet74]

If anyone would have told me last November that one year later I will not have spoken to my Girlfriend for 50 straight Days..... I would had told that person to get their head checked. My Ex and I were together for 10 years. Obviously long enough for her. We had a wedding in the works. Talked about a family. Guess those things came to late for her. We fought for the better part of this year as I tried to hold onto something that she just did not want anymore. It tore us apart so deeply that she did not even want to remain friends.

 

This brings me to today. 50 Days since I contacted her last. This is the longest that I have ever gone without contacting her. Hey.... Why should I contact her? It was her idea to break up and she is the one who pushed me away and didn't want to even be friends. My problem is that I still miss her. I still feel lonely and I just wish that we could put all of this behind us and Talk again. I am not really looking to get back together with her. It's just been a very rough year for the both of us and I don't think we've had enough healing time to even try again. But there is a piece of me which still feels lost without her. A simple e-mail or phone call from her just to let me know that the Avenue of Communication can be opened again. That sure would make me feel a lot better. In the mean time I guess I have to hold onto my pride and not give in. It's just hard.

 

Does anyone have some ideas to help me get thorugh the Holidays without this constant nagging thought of her?

 

 

thanks,

 

John

[titan]

i guess i can on;y say try not to think about it as making through another day of no contact rather another day of moving on.

 

Have u tried taking up anything new IE gym, sports, extra classes

 

I have heard this works

[sonjam]

John, you will see eventually that it is the habit of having her there all the time, that you miss, not really HER. It is sort of like giving up chewing gum. You are so used to your jaw working, you sort of don't know what to do with your mouth if you are not chewing gum!! (stupid example, but similar) You will just have to find a healthier habit to replace the wanting to have contact with her.

 

yes, starting a new hoby, or going on a trip sure helps. it focusses your attention of something new and exiting, and before you know it, months have passed and the desire to hear from her, dimished.

 

Good luck, visit your buddies, meet new ones, join a gym, join a arts and crafts class, learn to dance (meet nice girls there too....) there is plenty to do, if you put your mind to it.

 

Good luck!

[rich46]

yes, starting a new hoby, or going on a trip sure helps. it focusses your attention of something new and exiting, and before you know it, months have passed and the desire to hear from her, dimished.

I think that's the key. I'm going to New Zealand in February and it has certainly helped to divert my attention away from my ex. I have something to look forward to, and it proves that I don't need my ex in my life to be able to enjoy myself. I'm not saying you should book a flight to New Zealand or anything, but having things to look forward to is essential. It could be something small like starting a new hobby in the New Year, or going on a weekend break somewhere...anything really! It just prevents us from thinking that life was so great when we were together and now it is so bad...

 

It is only bad if you let it be. I've followed your story for quite a while now and I think you are doing great! I still get lonely too and probably always will do until I meet someone else. But that's natural, so know that you aren't alone.

 

I can't wait to put this year behind me and I'm determined to make 2005 a great one!

 

Take care,

 

Rich

[trishcollins]

I can't wait to put this year behind me and I'm determined to make 2005 a great one!

 

I'm with you Rich -- 2004 sucked. 2005 is going to be GREAT!

 

John, I know from experience it will get easier, and eventually you will move on. I can only speak from my "previous" ex and not my current "ex", but it's been 7 years since I broke up with him, and it took me a good 18 months to start moving forward. With my current "ex", where the breakup is COMPLETELY different (circumstancial rather than feelings changed), I am not sure how long it is going to take. I just know I want to be happy again, and although I know I have to grieve and I know that I still love him, I also know I will get past this and be happy again.

 

If anyone would have told me last November that one year later I will not have spoken to my Girlfriend for 50 straight Days..... I would had told that person to get their head checked.

 

Funny, I used those very words on the weekend, that if someone had told me a year ago that I would be single "yet again" and that my "ex" and I would not be together forever, I would have thought they were nuts.

 

I guess the only thing I can tell you (from my own experience) is that in time, it will get easier, and eventually you will meet someone else. As for communicating with your "ex" again, I think it takes a long time before you are both in a different headspace, before communicating is not hard on either of you. In fact, I have NEVER communicated with my "previous ex" after the first 18 months when I finally got past the relationship ending, and the way things are going with my "current ex", I have a feeling it will be a very long time before I feel comfortable communicating with him and don't still feel hurt, betrayed, angry or just sad.

 

Wish I could give you more encouragement, but you are doing well. I am at day 41, (since we last exchanged emaile) and day 2.5 months since we last spoke on the phone, and 4 months since I last saw him. The breakup was 4.5 months ago.