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are guys attracted to younger or older women?


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A dated a couple of girls older then me. usually only by a year or two. None of them lasted. They are too mature for me and carry too much baggage to me. My future x wife is 9 years younger then me. Girls before her were about 7-8 years younger then me.

 

I went out with this older group of people a few weeks back and they wanted to know why I wanted to hang out with people their age. I asked "How old do you think I am?" They said 24. I said "ok maybe I am too young to be hangin out with you".

 

I am not mature so I ended up dating younger women. I wouldn't mind dating my age or older woman as long as they are cool. Most women my age are too career oreiented.

 

DBL

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Age is a matter of the mind, if you don't mind it doesn't matter.

 

Well I would have to disagree with that. A particular age also represents a state of the body. Even someone who claims to be fighting fit at 50 or 60 quite simply does not have biological and cellular structure of a 15 or 20 year old! That would only be the case if we all lived for ever and we never degenerated as our cells continue to attempt (but inevitably fail) to make perfect copies of themselves. People who don't think age matters really have to think about the future. Things might be fine when both parties in the relationship have fairly compatible health, cognitive and energy levels. But depending on the age gap, that period can be quite a lot shorter than in a relationship where both parties are of similar age.

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I have disagree that you disagree with me.

 

At first reading your post, I said "ok some scientific stuff", and that is cool with me...I like science, but your cell theory doesn't seem to really put that much effect on whether we should date people older then us. However right after your sience, you start talking about how they have to look at the future, and that is all a matter of the mind. Sure there are consequences for dating someone 20 years older...but if you don't mind the consequences then the age thing doesn not matter.

 

I have a friend and her boyfriend is 25 years older then her. They been together now for about 10 years, married for 6. They have a great relationship...very enjoyable couple to hang out with. Ironically is in fighting fit shape at 50 something. I know this for a fact because he backed me up one night at a bar when I got in some trouble.

 

DBL

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My ex dumped me cause I was 31 and he said that girls my age expect more from relationships, and that if we continued dating for couple more years he would feel guilty if he didn't marry me cause it would be like criminal of him or something to date me in last of my prime years. I din't talk to him about marriage or anything.Needless to say I felt like crap. Im not your typical 31 yr old, in fact I look as young as 22, when guessing my age people usually say 24 and the most they have ever said was 27.

The little bastard is 28 but told me after it being an issue for him about my age that he wants to have other girlfriends before settling down. We went out for 2 years with a few breakups in between-- last time we were broken up for 6 months and he begged to be back in cause he loved me so much, and couldn't see himself with anyone else, etc. Stupid a** he knew about my age before and now he dumps me, cause of my age in part. He said had "if you would been 24 I would have continued dating you"

 

Comments please.

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Definitely older. More mature/better looking/more sexually active. My ex was 8 and a half years older than me. A recent girl I was seeing (sex only relationship) was nearly 4 years older than me.

 

In fact, strangely enough, older women seem to prefer me than the younger ones. I wouldn't rule out a younger gf though.

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Yeah that blows...that is a drawback when dating youngins. That isn't a big age gap, but atleast it is over and he didn't waste your time into your mid 30's...apparently from what you say you still have it going on as if you were 22-27. Even though i'm 34 and would rather be in a different situation...I look at my peers and friends that are my age and younger and they look older then me. So helps keep my head up.

 

DBL

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Guys (and even gals) are attracted to what is appealin' to the eye, then the brain part follows (for most people). Some just have casual sex with a pretty person with no mental stimulation. That's the aimless lust thing that guys find so easily to do (some women, too).

 

I don't think age is an issue anymore--appearance seems to be the initial impression of any attraction. Why else are we so concerned with our physical appearances? To attract that perfect someone!

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DBL,

 

In my previous reply to you, I was only specifcally addressing your comment that age is a state of mind. That is why my comments proceeded your specific quote. We are of course both perfectly free to disagree with each other (I believe the appropriate terms is to agree to disagree). I'm just pointing out that if age were nothing but a state of mind, then we would not need nursing homes, aged care facilities, walking sticks, drugs to combat degenerative physical and mental diseases, as well as the huge infrastructures put in place by Governments accross the world to facilitate geriatric care. All we would need are psychologists who could convince us that the effects of ageing are nothing more than in our heads.

 

Personally, I would prefer to grow old with a partner who is my approximate equal in biological and mental age. Believe me when I say that I as much as anyone would love to think I could have a relationship with my very dearest friend who is nearly 20 years my junior and I think the absolute world of. But I wonder how she would feel when she is 40 and still incredibly attractive to men of all ages, whenat the same time I'm only a few years off claiming the pension? Or how she would feel at 60 when she is just as mobile as she was at 40, still physically attractive in a "mature" way, probably still working if she wants to, fully in control of her razor-sharp mental faculties, whilst I'm possibly contemplating the very last days of my life?

 

Please don't get me wrong, I can see where you and others are coming from in regards to age being a state of mind and that if you love someone age shouldn't matter. That I don't agree with them is simply my opinion, in the same way you and others have yours. But whenever these "state of mind" and "don't worry" statements are made, it does the audience a severe disservice to hear them without all the necessary qualifications and "ifs" and "buts".

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Appearance is the initial motive to scope out the mate of choice--the mate of choice could be of any age.

 

I don't look my age, and I happen to be seein' someone who is nine years my junior. He's not concerned by my age, nor I his. We are both of like mind and enjoy each's company.

 

If we'll grow old together--I dunno? Who knows if any relationship will last 'til the dyin' days, whether of the same age or miles apart. I dunno? Time will tell and the experiences within that time.

 

Relationships are external and internal--appearances and mental stimulation. If ya got both it's bound to be good--if ya got only one of the two, good luck.

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Hey Mr.Cactus.

 

It is ok to disagree. I understand you point...I just think your point just plays a role in teh contributing factor that it is still a matter of the mind. I wouldn't say state of mind though. Although when we get older some of us are not in the right state of mind. I originally was thinking you disagreed with the whole concept of it being a matter of the mind. I can't say that I agree with the biological aspect of it as a major reason, but I do agree it should be a contributed reason to think about.

 

I do 100% agree with you on the fact I would rather have someone closer to my own age. Alteast within 6-7 years younger and maybe a couple of years older. One thing I learned from my future X wife is...I felt like I was getting old alone. I would hear an old song and it would bring back memories, and for her...she was just a baby. So I definitely felt like I was missing out on enjoying getting old with somebody. My wife was 20 when I met her...when I was 20 I was a moron...well hell...at 34 i'm still a moron!

 

Anyway...no disrespect to your opion. Sorry if it has come accross that way.

 

DBL

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Hey DBL,

Just wanna thank you for your response. It is a good thing that he didn't waste my time, however, it is a bummer to go through this situation. I feel like a merchandise or something. "I would have dated you had you been 24" Im insecure and this types of comments really get to me. Instead of completely hating the guy I can't help but feel defective. Its like, well, I tried you, went out with you, but now I want a younger model. F. him!

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reborn...when i was 28...I thought the same way. Now that i'm 34 I look back and question why I would think 3 years older would be something I would get hung up on. I think it is different for me then women when dating. Woman are more then comfortable dating older men, where men like me are more comfortable dating younger women. I would make exceptions now...I still have my ignorant way of thinking though. However if we had a lot in common and she was a nice person and like to be thrown around the room during sex...I can put a lot aside.

 

Where I lived up north older women were used and abused by the time they hit 30. Down here in Florida...the older women are way too mature for me. Those two issues is what helps me draw my conclusion on dating older women.

 

DBL

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I never ever really gave terribly much thought to age gap relations until relatively recently. First there was a high profile marriage I became aware of where the age gap is a whopping 34 years. And then, as I said, I have met a wonderful person 20 years my junior but with whom at this stage I want to remain with as friends only.

 

I would definitely agree women are more comfortable dating older men. I personally don't really feel comfortable dating (much) younger women, but that does not mean I wouldn't do it, or even start a relationship with a younger, willing partner. It's only since I have met this young friend of mine that I have taken the time to consider the positive and negative aspects of these sorts of relationships.

 

But one thing I do have to say in support of the "mind" argument, DBL, is that my young friend makes me feel young again. Since becoming close friends I find I now have more "spriteliness" about me. When I wake up, I have an zest and enthusiasm that I haven't had for (gets calculator out...) 18 years! And that is totally her doing. Nothing to do with me.

 

So I try to evaluate these things on a more flexible approach and on a case by case basis. Maybe it's just me though, but I have a lot more trouble getting my mind around younger man / older women relations than the other way around. On the one hand, there is a lot of logic in the younger man / older women relationships, especially with regard to the physical ageing side of things and life expectancy.

 

On the other hand, I can't help thinking that here are these blokes who already have one mother, and now want another one (I'm not talking about gaps of a few years of course, I'm talking about, say 10 year plus differences).

 

My brother went into such a relationship and subsequently got married. This happened quite some time ago, but even now I still can't fully accept my sister-in-law. To be honest, I reckon my brother married a second mother, and my sister-in-law acts that way towards him quite often. She is overly patronising, excessively opinionated and throws her weight around as if no one else's opinions matters. My brother has become a "softy" who seems barely capable of making any decision on his own, but then again, he seems to have always had trouble looking after himself. It's quite pathetic, really. My father was quite similar. He would fall apart without a female by his side. But his marriage was a "standard" age gap one. On the other hand, my sister and I quite happily both live alone and will probably both go through life without anyone, and not feel terribly deprived because of it (so long as well still have friends). But as for my brother, I don't know what the heck is wrong with his original mother!! My brother's union is not one of equal partners at all from where I stand.

 

I could no doubt be criticised for saying that whilst at the same time I have a friendship with a much younger women. I accept some of that flak. But on the other hand, I'm just a friend and I don't put my feelings in the way of my friend's personal growth and development.

 

I should add that when I was in my twenties, I was strongly attracted to much older women. Thankfully, I grew out of it.

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DBL

I liked your response! Specially that throwing the girl around the room during wild sex part. lol

I have a question for you. As a man, did you think you changed a lot from the time you were 28 to say about 30. How about from the time you were 28 till now. Is 30 a real big deal for men like you?

 

Also, do you really think the age gap of a 28 year old man and a 31 year old woman is too much? I guess my ex had his own opinion,however I wanna hear yours. You seem like a smart guy. I wanna hear what other sane human beings think about these things, that man traumatized me! thanks a lot, buddy.

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I say I have changed a lot. I definitely look at things differently now. But I can't say that I changed my thoughts because I became older or because of situations that came into my life making me see things differently. I have never dated an older woman and had in mind that I would marry them. Part of me wanted to make sure I had a woman that would stay young and pretty longer. Part of me would just plain out want the body, looks, and fun of a 24 year old chick. All in all...the aging process bothered me most. I would look good as I get older and she would get all saggy. Now I would look at what I had in common with the person over the other stuff.

 

DBL

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I usually date younger guys because the ones my age sometimes can't keep up with me.

 

I don't think age matters if you have things in common and have the same values. Especially if you agree on the kind of relationship you want to have.

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No problem Reborn. Glad I could help. You will probably have a lot of guys hanging on you after that, you won't care much about your 28 year old little boyfriend. You'll end up with a real man. Most ex's hate when their x other half looks better after they break up.

 

DBL

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I prefer older guys for the maturity level. I'm not sure if that's the real reason though. Ever since I was really really young I've always liked guys that were a heap older than me (5-15 years) and I guess I've never grown out of it. I think I like the 'security' connotation that's attached to older guys. It's probably not true (I haven't had the opportunity to date any too much older than me) but just a feeling of safeness appeals to me. I know you can get that from anyone, but for me I seem to find it in older men. But when I say maturity level, I mean they get when to be serious and when to have fun too.

 

Betty!

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