Confused

[Anon511]

Feeling so confused right now. I broke up with my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years after several weeks of high tension. Something was obviously bothering him very much so I asked him to share with me. He didn't want to at the time, that he was dealing with his own issues. The next day, he told me he would come to me the following day and be ready to communicate openly. This didn't happen and he didn't address

it. I didn't bring things up for a few more days figuring he would talk when he was ready. When he did finally say something this morning it was just to thank me for my patience and tell me that he had nothing more to say. I was upset, feeling disrespected and completely shut out.

When we spoke later in the day, I asked him if he had been thinking of ending our relationship and he said yes. The only thing we really disagree on is the issue of marriage. We have both expressed that we want to spend our lives together but I don't want to live together prior to marriage (I have two children) whereas he sees it as a step on the path. I love him very much but felt that if he is thinking that way and won't even be honest with me there isn't much hope. Any insights from a different point of view?

[sharky988]

First of all, welcome.

 

For me personally, I think he wanted to take some time to consider his feelings and weigh the impact sharing them with you would have. Living together and getting married are huge steps in a person's life and I can't fault him for wanting time to sort through his own feelings about these issues before bringing you into the conversation.

 

I'm a single mom so of course I can empathize with your position of wanting to be married before bringing a man into my children's home and lives. For me, I'd be worried about my children becoming so close and attached to someone before there's a marriage-level commitment made -- so I can really see where you're coming from there.

 

I'm not sure from reading your post if he's really being 100% honest and upfront with you. But you seem very clear in what your boundaries are -- that you won't live together prior to marriage -- and if he won't go along with that, then that's his choice.

 

In your place, I would've probably ended the relationship as well. Frankly, if someone loves me enough to want to live together and spend the rest of their life with me, then marriage shouldn't be a dealbreaker when kids are involved.