on verge of breaking up - help!

[sweetsparkle]

my boyfriend and i are on the verge of breaking up. i've been with him for 2 and a half years, but for the past 6 months, we've fought alot and i've been very unhappy in this relationship. i'm not even sure if i still love him or am i just scared to be alone again. we've talked about taking a break to think about whether or not we're meant to be but i don't know if that's a good idea.

 

what whould you do if you fought with your significant other all the time, without any resolution? what if your significant other isn't as affectionate to you anymore? you know, come to think of it, my boyfriend has become a bit more distant and moody. his tolerance level is zero. in the past, when things were good, he would console me or comfort me after a fight. now he doesn't. he also used to have patience to work out problems with me, but now he doesn't. and to top it off, he tells his mom everything about our problems. don't get me wrong. i love it that he's close to his mom BUT i don't exactly like the fact that he tells her about ALL our problems. i think matters between a couple should be kept behind closed doors. my mom is my best friend but out of respect for him, i refrain from telling her about our fights.

 

and our sex life.... it's down to about once a week or every two weeks. and it seems like i'm the only one initiating. he reassures me that he's still attracted to me but wishes that i can understand that his "not in the mood" moments are not because of me. well, i'm trying to understand but it's hard. it's hard because everything seems to be changing, but for the worse. and it's making me question whether we'll last or whether he's the one for me. after 2.5 years, i don't know if it's wise to waste anymore time.

 

please help. anyone in this situation

[Mun]

Hi there,

 

What is it that you usually fight about? Can you please give an example

[kutekat100]

I had exactly the same problem with my last boyfriend and we were together for tow and a half years too.

 

I think things get difficult after this period of time. the initial buzz and attraction has worn off and you start to feel comfortable with the person and in some ways its almost like they're your brother and not your lover. its easy to get into a routine and pick silly fights and i think most of my friends have this problem too. you have to remember that they are a separate person than you and you have to remain leading separate lives no matter how long you have been together. i think a lot of people forget this and tend to rely ont heir partners to be evrything they need.

 

My last boyfriend and I broke up because we were fighting all of the time but we got back together afte a month apart. however two months after that I knew it was a mistake and things weren;t the same and I'm now with someone else.

 

I wouldn;t break up right away. I'd distance yourself a bit. See if you can do new things without him, and see if you like it. you might be scared of being without him but this way you'll find out if you can survive without him and you night even prefer it.

[sweetsparkle]

we fight about alot of things. mostly we fight about his bad attitude when he's not happy with something i said or done. instead of trying to talk to me, he just gives me bad attitude. also, he says i complain too much. he feels like he never does anything right. and the one thing that has been really bothering me is the fact that he tells his mom everything. it puts a strain on me and it certainly causes a rift between me and his mom. she used to like me alot but i'm not so sure anymore.

[Mun]

Ok I see what you mean.

 

Now because you can't change him I suggest you try changing yourself. Not that it's your fault, but what you have been doing has obviously not been helping---time to try something different.. right?

 

Next time you get upset take a TIME OUT.. and go do something before you blow up at him or start nagging.. tell him you will discuss this later. I know this doesn't sound like a solution, but it will keep you from saying something hurtful while you are angry ( we tend to do that) when you are calm come back and ask him to hear you out without interrupting. Then ask him to tell you what he thinks and listen to him without interrupting too, but really listen. If he doesn't want to talk then leave him alone. He will talk later when he has processed the information ( or thought of something to say)

 

I think a big part is that you have stopped communicating. Now he is communicating with his mom. I know how you feel about that--my ex used to do that and it drove me crazy. It's immature, to say the least. This relationship is him and you .. not him, you and mom... but anyway.. try this and see how it goes.

 

You're both stressed it looks like.. and the way you are both carrying on you are losing the respect and love for each other. I hope you can change this before you do break up. Once you lose the respect it's all over

 

Good luck.