Should I follow up on a dumper who told me she's depressed?

[zztoppoochie90]

Hi all,

 

I'm basically just trying to work out what to do. Five or so weeks ago, we had a text conversation after I'd sent one of those 'last ditch' type messages a month or so after the breakup. The split was due to an ultimatum from her Mum rather than falling out of love with me, so maybe that wasn't the way to go but even so, in the texting conversation that followed my message, I put pressure on her once again and she said she was cutting ties, deleting me from Facebook and Twitter but also saying if I desperately needed her then I knew how to contact her (by text...). She admitted this was partly to allow me to move on but also because she felt she'd want to talk to me and the way things are, that could only cause further difficulties with her family, me, etc. Hmm.

 

I accept it and continue with the next couple of weeks but then she texts about a tweet I'd made that her Mum had seen (why she was on my profile I have no idea) that had kickstarted her anxiety when her Mum mentioned it. A short chat follows before she randomly says she is too sensitive and is heading to the doctor. I ask why and she says she is chronically depressed. She's a single mum, back living at home and dependent on her parents (I'm pretty sure her Mum is narcissistic)... And I just didn't know what to do. I told her she was a really good person and wished her all the best and hoped she'd pull through. The conversation came to an end.

 

It's been three weeks and I find myself wanting to check up on her and see how she's doing with the medication, etc. Is this a good idea or should I just stick to the no contact? After all, she said that we were cutting ties before texting me this stuff but she didn't have to tell me she was depressed either. On the one hand, I want to be there for her but at the same time, if I text, that could probably cause anxiety once more. So should I text or continue on as is?

[oldenoughtoknow]

Why did her mother give her an ultimatum about you?

[zztoppoochie90]

To quote from another thread...

 

She moved out from the flat she shared with the father as tensions between them had grown and headed to live with her parents. The father would still get to see the child every other weekend or so (long commute) and then she'd meet me. She met my family in October and November and everything was great; Mum and her got on brilliantly and began messaging one another. In December, I went to meet her and her parents as well.

 

We thought I did okay - I was polite, well-mannered, generally chatty - but upon leaving her mum said we 'weren't right' for one another. The Dad agreed to having misgivings (although he always sides with the Mum so I'm not convinced he really had a problem as we got on when I was there). Their doubts worry her but when we talk she knows we make a great couple. Over the next few weeks, her Mum starts a vicious attack calling her a **** up, questioning her psychological state and even questioning her as a mother. She thinks her daughter would have a 'dull' life with me, would leave her alone to date me if it weren't for the baby, told her if we had children she wouldn't love them as much as the current one and even said she'd try and convince the baby's father to get custody if we stayed together. A pretty relentless attack.

 

This caused my girlfriend a lot of anxiety and stress and understandably was struggling to cope, the only real highlight each evening getting away from her parents and talking to me. Over Christmas, my girlfriend's mother invited the child's father to stay in order to be with his child for the holidays and would make remarks to my girlfriend about how well suited they were, conveniently forgetting how badly he had treated her. He eventually left and then five days later my girlfriend was given an ultimatum of her parents or me by her mother (after yet more arguing about how we weren't suited). I now feel that her parents ultimately want her to get back with the father and are perhaps guilt tripping her into doing so. They may also blame me for splitting up the parents of their granddaughter, which as far as I'm aware I didn't do.

[CatchersRye]

I think oldenoughttoknow wants more reasons as to why the mother/father don't approve and gave the ultimatum. So far you just told us they think the baby will have a "dull life". There has to be more going on. Thanks for your response.