When to Reveal Details About Skin Condition?

[Coverage]

I've decided to try my hand at online dating for the first time.(I'm a 23 year old male) I've done some reading on the subject and I've looked through a lot of other dating profiles so I think I have a handle on how to write up and present a good dating profile for myself, but I do have one major hangup that I want to get people's thoughts on.

 

 

I've got a rare skin condition that covers my body and effects all areas (look, feeling, smell, biological workings, etc) of my skin and would require a degree of acceptance and sacrifice for any woman who is to have a relationship with me. I wont go into any great detail about it here, but I'm curious as to the best way to handle the revelation of this issue when online dating.

 

As with my profile pictures, I can fix the pictures to where it's not immediately noticeable that anything is majorly different about my skin. Inspection might make someone notice that my skin looks slightly odd in places, but probably not enough to make them think that it's completely different from normal.

 

My main question: When and/or how should I reveal my skin condition when online dating? It's not something I want to make mention of in my general profile because while I want to describe myself honestly, I don't exactly want to mention negatives about myself either. Mentioning a skin condition seems like a sure-fire way to send the other sex running for the hills (or at least clicking off my profile.)

 

IF I were to receive interest from girls, and we started messaging back and forth, would that be a good time to reveal my problem? On one hand revealing my skin condition over a message to a girl I've never actually met would probably immediately kill any interest they had unless they were just really enamored by my profile, but on the other hand actually going out on a date with someone without reveling this pretty obvious problem feels a bit deceptive to me, and could very well lead to 'empty' dates where I spend time, money, and mental effort to go out on this date with someone who already wanted nothing to do with me because they felt I wasn't completely honest about myself and/or they just can't handle my skin condition.

 

This is a problem that I honestly have no idea what the correct thing to do would be so I'd appreciate any thoughts, opinions, or advice on this.

 

 

2) As a quick secondary question. I do wear glasses (I know this just keeps getting better!), and although my face probably does look a little better without glasses, I never really go around without them on. Should my profile picture be one of me without my glasses and then have secondary pictures of me with them on, or should I just have glasses on in my primary picture, because that's how they would see me in real life anyway?

[Klokwurk]

Be totally demure and vulnerable when you mention it over instant messaging (after you have secured the date, of course). This will arouse sympathy in the girl and she will either feel bad about not wanting to meet you because of your skin thing so she will agree to meet you to see if the skin thing is really that big a problem for her OR she will say, "oh, nah" in which case she is pretty callous and you are better off with a more compassionate woman.

[BritterSweet]

It depends on what the condition is. Is it something contagious? Treatable?

 

What do you mean by "sacrifice?" Do you mean she would have to either deal with it or go because you can't help it? Or would she have to go through some treatments too due to exposure if she chose to date you? Or something else?

 

If it's not contagious or harmful to others, then you can explain it if she asks but otherwise not make a big deal out of it.

 

As for the glasses, do include pictures of you both with and without your glasses. You may attract some women who like guys with glasses (I do!)

[Coverage]

Be totally demure and vulnerable when you mention it over instant messaging (after you have secured the date, of course). This will arouse sympathy in the girl and she will either feel bad about not wanting to meet you because of your skin thing so she will agree to meet you to see if the skin thing is really that big a problem for her OR she will say, "oh, nah" in which case she is pretty callous and you are better off with a more compassionate woman.

 

Thanks for the reply Klokwurk. This is kind of what I was thinking too. Hold off on mentioning my condition until after I've been having some conversation and set up some sort of date. The idea being that she gets an idea of who I am as a person before being faced with my more negative, physical attributes. It would also make it alittle more uncomfortable and awkward for her to back out at that point too. Of course its not my intention to make girls feel awkward, but I feel like I have to give myself a chance here somehow. Although, hopefully sympathy doesn't play too big of a role in it!

 

It depends on what the condition is. Is it something contagious? Treatable?

 

What do you mean by "sacrifice?" Do you mean she would have to either deal with it or go because you can't help it? Or would she have to go through some treatments too due to exposure if she chose to date you? Or something else?

 

If it's not contagious or harmful to others, then you can explain it if she asks but otherwise not make a big deal out of it.

 

As for the glasses, do include pictures of you both with and without your glasses. You may attract some women who like guys with glasses (I do!)

 

Thanks bittersweet!

 

My condition is a genetic problem (permanent for me, but completely non-contagious). I mentioned it negatively impacts the feeling, look, and smell that my skin has, so any potential partner would have to deal with some different and undesirable situations that she wouldn't have to deal with with 99.9% of the rest of the male population.(of course just how undesirable it is would vary depending on the person).

That's my main concern though. Giving enough time to allow a girl to get to know me through interests and personality before letting her on to my physical condition that most people would have an aversion to when deciding who to date.

[MarxBoc]

Can you please tell us what the condition is? Or post pictures. They shouldn’t be too hard to find (example: There are hundreds upon hundreds of vitiligo images on the internet) Or even take a pic of yourself and post it. You can censure out your face if you want.

[Staples 29]

I'd like to find out more about this also OP.

 

I was diagnosed with Lichen Planus over 3 years ago and I have have dark skin so I looked physically revolting and when the condition stagnated I was left with really dark marks EVERYWHERE. I was with my first boyfriend then and he didn't care about it. My most recent ex also didn't think that was a defining factor and encouraged me to be more comfortable showing my body to him (I used to wear knee high socks when I was around him all the time). I eventually did and it was liberating.

 

I don't know when is best for you to reveal it - say maybe the second or third date when you are talking about stuff that have impacted your life. I haven't dated since my ex (5 months now) and I do wonder about how I'll broach it with them. Thankfully I don't have it on my face and most peopel don't realise I have it; it also doesn't affect the way I smell or anything but I am resigned to a lifetime of wearing tights . I get by alright and get male attention but I am worried being intimate with someone because of this. Then I think two hot men have loved me regardless so I am sure the right person wouldn't mind. There is much more to you than just your skin. At least that's what I think about myself. I remember pushing my first boyfriend away because I didn't understand why he would want to be with me when he could be with someone 'normal'. Then I realised I was a very loyal, supportive, fun, smart etc. girlfriend. Think about the qualities you could offer someone else that aren't superficial.

 

I don't think people appreciate the psychological impact such skin conditions could have - I am just coming round to them after 3 years. I also understand if you don't think someone can empathise esp. if they haven't walked a mile in your shoes. I have and I know how hard it is but think about it this way - you have something to weed out people who are not worth your while in the long run. Sorry I got carreid away with my answer - I rarely come accross people who I share this experience with.

 

Best of luck with your date

[Coverage]

Thanks for the replies. I'll send you guys a PM with information specific to my skin condition. I don't really like posting too many specific things about myself on public forums like this. Probably a bit irrational on my part, but that's just how I am.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing your story Staples! I'm sure it must have been a very difficult experience to live a significant portion of your life with normal skin and then to have a condition like that pop up and cause such a drastic change in appearance and how you live. I agree that focusing on your internal and personality traits is the best thing one can do when faced with negative physical conditions, and I'm glad to hear that you're starting to come to better terms with how to face and overcome your challenge. Although I may face a lot of rejection in the process, I am confident that there are females around that would accept my problems and that I could form a relationship with. I myself have yet to have an actual relationship in my life so I know the journey will be difficult, but keeping my head up is one of best things I can do to help myself.

 

I've pretty much decided that it would be best for me to make mention of my condition to any female after we've had some contact online but before we've actually met in person. That way I don't waste time and emotional energy going to meet someone who wont accept me anyway. The general consensus from reading I've done seems to suggest that success in online dating will be a bit of a long shot for a guy (or anyone really) with a physical condition, but I'll stick with it for awhile and see what happens.