Getting over, Getting past, Getting beyond! Tips?

[toolgirl150]

Hello everyone:

 

I thought I would start a general thread on tips on how to get past what often feels like the a most devestating time in your life. Y'all know what i'm talking about.

 

As most know, I've been dumped, put through a rollercoaster and pretty much played a chump - but I'm coping to get over it and I wanted to share and maybe have other come up with good ideas.

 

1. the biggest thing that helps - is distance and real seperation. My ex was floating in and out of my life. Uggh, 2 steps forward, 1 (or 2 or 3) steps back. I haven't spoken with him in a week and already I feel better. The crying does stop, I'm not saying I will never cry again over this, but really - trust me - DISTANCE IS GOOD.

 

2. Rearrange your bedroom (this is for those people who have been intimate with their exes). You would not believe how much better I slept after I moved things areound. Get new sheets, change your view. Because if you keep things the way they are, every time you get into bed (alone) guess what your thinking of? This really worked for me.

 

3. Date. Really. I don't mean rebound relationship - no way. But go out on dates. At first it may be sad and you find yourself comparing them to your ex, but after awhile, you start seeing other people in a new light and appreciating them for themselves. If you can't find dates, go out with friends. That is just as good. Go out, have fun, do something goofy, or just out to eat. But don't sit home staring at the same walls, feeling bad for yourself watching tv of other people having wonderful relationships. I had a date last week that at first I was not wild on, but he is TOTALLY different than my ex and challenges me in new and different ways. I actually had fun

 

 

I also recommend the book: Exorcising Your Ex. its a fun read and has lots of helpful hints that work (like the rearrainging bedroom thing). Its written for women, but I think much of it works both ways.

 

So, any other suggestions from the BTDT club? Let's hear from you!

[bootowser]

Tips for getting over him.

 

ok...first of all face up to it..it sounds hard but you are not the first or last person to be dumped!

 

Dont try to stay friends..it never works. It makes it harder to move on. Lets face it - do you really want to see your ex getting on with his new life and his potential new girlfriends? Staying around will not make him want you back...he dumped you! backing off from him may even do the trick . He may want you when he realises you have moved on. Imagine how good it will feel when you turn down his offer of a date as you have other arrangements with some other guy who you deserve!

 

Delete his phone number, cell/mobile number!

 

Discard his photos, and any other reminders!

 

Look up old friends who may not have even met your ex- no reminders and you dont have to talk about him. All you have to do is go out and have fun!

 

Feel free to cry if you still miss them...but give yourself a time limit of how long you are allowed to cry for! It sounds stupid but you need a release sometimes, this way it is controlled to a set time of only five mins!

 

You will need at least one close friend who knows everything about the break up. One who will remind you what he did to you.

This friend will probably hate him for hurting you so they are a great person to stop you contacting them, talking about them all the time and someone to help you get back out there! Everytime you are going to contact him- call her instead! It works!

 

Have fun with guys....safe fun. Dating really does make you forget for a while and who knows you may meet somone ...maybe even your soulmate in the process!

 

Make yourself happy..........never rely on anyone other than yourself to make you smile. Go out running, start painting, cooking, buy a pet ...anything to fulfill yourself today.

 

 

Most of all , allow yourself in time to remember the goodtimes as this person was important once. If the break up was not too bad...e.g. no cheating, abuse etc. You may want to be friends. Only after a good time of being apart though.The more serious the relationship the longer you need.

 

 

Cherish your yesterdays; dream your tomorrows; but live your today's.

[SwingFox]

More tips...

 

Life your life by a few rules:

 

1) The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy!

 

2) The most wasted day is the day on which you didn't smile!

 

3) Honesty is the best policy

 

-------------

 

Even MORE tips...

 

Evaluate yourself (tricky!)

Understand that you have to set boundaries for a next time. What do you allow yourself next time and what don't you allow yourself next time. What do you find acceptable in a relationship. Has he/she been cheating on you? Is that a good thing? Forgivable? Answer questions like that! More questions to answer:

 

- Do you allow / have you been allowed

* friends (from the opposite sex?)

* going out on your own

* being too sticky / no space

 

I hope this helps you, too

 

~ SwingFox ~