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I've come to a crossroads in my relationship. I love my boyfriend of 3.5 years dearly. He is the most important person in my life, next to my family. But the past year we have been fighting about marriage. I'm ready, he is not.


I have discovered that it is important to me. sharing common goals, working together as a team -being a family. I very much look forward to it. He had recently told me that he is beginning to think that way to -and in 6-8 mos, he will be ready to propose. Since, there has been an outing were some of my family members badgered him about it, and I didn't come to his rescue (I admitted my guilt and apologized) and he is turned off by the whole thing now. He says he feels too pressured for something he may not be ready for.


I have waited, and waited -we've even broken up once, -to get back together, and now I still wait. we've come to a conclusion that our time frames are off, and maybe we want different things right now. I can't help but think if he doesn't want to commit to a future with me after 3.5 years, when will he? and will the resentment begin to escalate?



Sooooooo. My question is: If we go our separate ways, because we want separate things right now -will I be able to find love again? I am attractive and smart, but admit that I'll be very lonely, as most of my friends are about to get engaged. I'm not sure how or if I ever will meet the one again. I"m torn over what to do.


How many of you found that great guy after a devestating breakup?

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I can honestly say that after each break up the next person I met was better. They had more of the qualities I was looking for, treated me better... etc.


I have also changed the things I was looking for in a man. I think it's normal. My criteria is very different now... it's better


I don't think we should ever allow fear to keep us stuck where we are. If we do that we are only cheating ourselves.


You will find someone just give yourself a chance.


good luck out there

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Hi there-


I completely sympathize with you. My best friend was in the same situation you are in right now. She decided to wait to see if her boyfriend would eventually propose...he did not. He had the emotional relationship and felt loved daily. Why did he need to take on the additional stress?


After 3 1/2 years, your boyfriend should really know if he wants to marry you. Please do not take this personally, but it sounds like your boyfriend is trying to confirm that the grass is not greener elsewhere. What happens if he meets someone else and leaves you? You would be devastated! After the amount of time you've been with him, he must really care about you. He may just need to be reminded of how much. How about taking a break and dating other people. I guarantee he will go nuts thinking that you are out there looking for someone else. If he moves on, then it wasn't meant to be. As someone who recently got out of a 5 year relationship, I promise you that there are other great guys out there! You will just have to be willing to get through the sad days in order to find the happy ones.


I wish you well in whatever you choose!

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I somewhat disagree... Some people just truly want to take their time because they are not ready for such a major life-altering decision. I would be happy if the person I wanted to marry would take his time until he completely knew he was 100% ready. Why do you think the divorce rate is so high?


I am the type of person who really believes that the best things in life are worth waiting for. Marriage is one of those things. While age can become a reasonable factor to move on to a partner who is more in-sync with what you want, I myself never would break apart a relationship for that reason alone. I would rather spend 20 years unmarried with the man I love with all my heart, than marry a so-so, on-the-same-page man after 3.5 years into the relationship. That's my opinion.


Unless, of course, there is the slight chance that he doesn't truthfully see a future. But then, if you don't trust him enough to know he is just not ready for marriage (rather then not wanting a future altogether), there is no point in being together to begin with. You need that trust.


I love my boyfriend very much. However, I know I will not be ready for marriage for a very long time. We know this. And while he will most likely be ready for marriage before me if we do ever decide we are going to marry, because I am much slower with important decisions (especially as big as this) and I want to be completely sure I am ready for the responsibility, I am hoping he would wait for me as I would wait for him.

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if you are happy as you are other than the marriage issue, carry on.


marriage is only a very expensive piece of paper at the end of the day, you can be commited to each other without it.


if this issue is just one of many, then move on, there is always someone else out there for all of us.


And yes i did find a great guy whilst i was at my lowest, going through a divorce. He is the one i have waited my whole life for!


Do what feels most right to you, and dont worry too much about the future, the future will happen whether you worry about it or not!


Good luck with whatever choice you make

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Well, I might think differently. My perception was that you were ok with him being ready in 6 or so months. If this was the case, then maybe you ought to have come to his defense when your fam was badgering him. NOW NOW, I am not like, blaming you or your fam or anything of the sort...I am just saying that 3.5 years is too long of a time to call it quits. I think you should have a talk with him about what happened, why you didn't stick up for him and all that. I am sure he knows your feelings, and he prolly loves you very much to be with you for 3.5 years. I think that is commitment made in love. If it was recent; the blow out I mean, if it was recent, give him time to cool it. Chances are, he'll come around. I dunno. I just wouldn't call it quits yet. Yes you cannot change him, but maybe focus on the common goals you have. (Is he finacially stable? Are you for that matter?) You know... take a look at his maturity.

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