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Boyfriend's family constantly bugging me about minor issue - how do I decline?


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My boyfriend's family is really nice, sweet and caring. The only issue I have with them is that they are constantly asking me to go swimming/hot tubbing. I know this probably seems minor to a lot of people, but I recently lost some weight and I'm just learning to feel comfortable with my body. The last time I wore a bathing suit was in elementary school. I'm just not that comfortable with my body right now.


They bother me about it every time I see them. I have tried different reasons (I don't have a bathing suit, I'm tired, I don't really like swimming/hot tubbing), but they still badger me. They don't understand because they are all very comfortable with their bodies - which is great for them, but they just don't get it. It makes me uncomfortable and awkward, and I dread hanging out with them now because I know they will ask me. I guess this is their "family pastime", and it just makes me uncomfortable. I've tried explaining it to my boyfriend, but he says "It's just a bathing suit, who cares?"


How can I politely decline, without getting into a whole discussion about my body issues? They just don't understand the notion of "I don't want to strip down to my undies infront of my new boyfriend's family". This happens about twice a week now and it's causing me a bit of anxiety.



[Like I said, I know this will seem minor to a lot of people. But I recently went from 160 lbs to 120 lbs and I'm not yet comfortable with how I look. I won't even wear a bathing suit infront of my own family or my closest friends. Also, please note that I'm currently dealing with depression and anxiety, which is why this probably upsets me more than it should]

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Tell them you have a contagious skin infection! haha.


Oh gosh. Well, first off, congrats on the weight loss. that must have taken a lot of hard work on your part and that is great!! I'm sure you look awesome.


Do they have a pool or hot tub?


Would you feel more comfortable going in a more conservative swimsuit? something like this:


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I have a swim dress and i like it. I can also convert the skirt into a side tie.

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Ask him to intervene on your behalf and when they offer, he should back your play. "Oh no, we would rather not..."


There is something pervy about them insisting so much when you are obviously shy. I do not get your boyfriend's response either. If you are his love, your comfort and peace of mind should be paramount to those strange requests of his family.

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Thanks for the replies! I was worried people were only going to respond with "Get over it, it's just a bathing suit".


They have a pool and a hot tub in their backyard. They do it almost every day. I completely get why they don't understand though, I don't blame them. They are all fit, skinny, toned, etc. - so for someone to be uncomfortable with their body is just bizarre to them.


It's hard because my boyfriend also doesn't understand. When I decline, even after explaining the situation in private, he tries to persuade me: "Come on, it'll be fun!" I'm just out of excuses and I avoid seeing them now

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well you know, speaking as a curvy girl myself, i don't want to let my body stop me from enjoying a nice day at the beach. which is why i went out and got those bathing suits that i felt comfortable wearing and that i think complimented my figure. ultimately, i just don't really care what people think of my body, so that kind of helps. not to say that i don't have issues with my body - i think most women do. but i like my little retro swimsuits.


i totally understand on one hand why you feel uncomfortable and would rather avoid the nightly hot tub ritual with the semi-in-laws! it's a lot of anxiety all in 1 place!


can you maybe talk to his mother privately and say that you're still feeling uncomfortable with your new body and that you would love to sit outside with them and dip your feet in the pool while everyone else is swimming?

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I can foresee problems in the future due to incompatibillity, as you said you're suffering anxiety and depression, and your bf doesn't seem to understand where you're coming from and therefore won't stand up to his family for you. It won't be just the swimming thing that'll become an issue if they are that kind of people who will constantly try to talk you into thingswithout having a clue how hard those things are for you and wouldn't get it if you did explain. And worse, they and your bf don't notice how uncomfortable they're making you, which means they won't let up with trying to talk you into things. You might need to be with someone who gets it!

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I had a really cute suit that looked sort of like a wet suit. It had legs that were short length, a zipper up the front and short sleeves. You could zip it as high or low as you wanted. Because i have the typical red haired persons complexion and burn like a lobster, I wear a rash guard. I wear a regular bathing suit, short surfer shorts that are like boyshort underwear and then a rash guard that is like a lycra type material that covers my collar bone and has sleeves. You can't possible feel conscious in that if you wear shorts in the summer. I have a trim figure but I still don't like to be seen in a bathing suit. Just say you burn. The rash guards are UV protective and come anywhere from cap sleeves to long sleeves. or just wear a t shirt.


Why don't you try something like that? It might solve the problem of you not being able to participate and you will feel covered up. Just say you burn. No one will care! I think that you should just take the plunge so to speak. You might have to pay a bit more but there are really cute things for you to wear that don't reveal any more than if you were wearing a shirt and shorts. Why not? At least go in the pool for some water polo, no? And who says you can't just put your feet in at the hot tub?

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