Is it Time to Lower my Standards a little bit? Difficulty getting dates

[radiohead20]

After putting my foot forward and initiating contact with women I can seem to never get an actual date with any of them.

 

 

I have no problem approaching, and consider myself a decent conversationalist/flirter but I feel as if I cannot get an actual date and begginning to think the problem is that I may have to lower my standards a little.

 

 

All I do is approach women that I am physically attracted too, and if we have a good conversation and they seemed receptive to them ask if they want to hang out/go out sometime. That was my only "criteria". I am not trying to look for a skinny hot blonde girl that looks like model, just a girl that "catches my eye", if you know what I mean.

 

I guess it may be the way I look that is preventing me from getting a date (there a said it!!!). I know that I am going to get immediately flamed for saying this but I think physical attraction is very important for women selecting guys. I am 5 foot 10 have an athletic build (workout alot) but the problem is I have absolutely no "masculine" features in my face. I have a very very bad babyface (I look like I am 20-21), cant grow facial hair, and dont have a strong jawline or any prominant masculine features in my face (even though I have a really good body and dress well). I know this sounds absolutely crazy and I hate coming to this conclusion but I feel like this may be the why the girls I am going after are rejecting me? I go after girls my age (25-30) and they all automatically assume I am around 21 until told otherwise and even though they enjoy talking to me, I feel like aren't attracted to someone they think is a lot younger than them.

 

I have no problem attracting women in general, however the ones I attract I am not attracted too.

 

Is it time to lower my standards a little in the looks area? Some of these girls are decent people, I am just not very attracted to them, but I guess that could grow over time as I get to know them?

[Edmund Exley]

It doesnt sound like its your looks or who you approach. Its sounds like your game needs work because you tend to hook them, but can't reel them in.

[april15]

I'm not sure lowering your standards is the same as going after women you are not attracted to(Unless you are only approaching supermodel type girls). Forget about your baby face, have thick skin and keep asking out women who attract you. Physical attraction is a big part of the first date but I don't think it is as important to women as it is for us guys.

 

Have a confident, yet humble attitude, get your chin up and act your age even if you look young. Be a good man, treat the women (even the ones you are not attracted to) with respect and attention, and your babyface will not enter the equation. You will get the comment that you look young for your age.

 

You mentioned you are well dressed, if you look at classy people your age, are you dressing in their style?

[radiohead20]

^ yeah that is what I have been doing , just keep trying. You are right though - its hard to keep a positive attitude when you keep getting rejected. But I guess it's all part of the learning process

[laninaperdida]

Might as well try it.

Make a social experiment of it, so to speak.

Could be fun!

That's important... People forget that dating can be fun.

They're too wrapped up in his car... Her ass... Whatever...

 

Have you every wondered if you're subconsciously sabotaging yourself with these women you find attractive?

I say this because I recently discovered that about myself:

I get so depressed that I never end up with a guy I'm super attracted to or "want", but when I reflect I realize I never gave them the chance because they weren't giving me what I wanted emotionally.

(I'm demanding.)

All my exes are average looking & I confess I don't want to make them my profile picture, but treat me like a queen & it's like I can't let go of that in place of animal attraction.

Now that I've accepted this I'm a lot happier.

 

Maybe you see these attractive girls, but after learning they have a kid... No job... Whatever... Your effort unintentionally stops.

 

Other than this, I know how frustrating it is to never end up with someone you WANT like really WANT.

[tiger234]

just work on your game. you will be fine. never settle for less. you will regret it.

[Cherry1010]

Do you work out? Get a hotter body going... Get into the gym.

 

Look after your face skin. Dont have disgusting blackheads or unkept yellow coffee stained teeth. How do you dress? What style shoes (i didnt say brand) are you wearing? Good looking women check out shoes straight up. Style. Body. The package. Get a kick ass cologne: Chanel allure.

 

Look sexy, dress sexy, be confident, beautiful women are picky with these things. Why? Because they can.

 

These will HELP get a foot in the door. You're up against stiff competition in men that really take care of themselves.

 

So I don't know why you are saying that's it.

 

-opinion of one of these woman

[radiohead20]

Do you work out? Get a hotter body going... Get into the gym.

 

Look after your face skin. Dont have disgusting blackheads or unkept yellow coffee stained teeth. How do you dress? What style shoes (i didnt say brand) are you wearing? Good looking women check out shoes straight up. Style. Body. The package. Get a kick ass cologne: Chanel allure.

 

Look sexy, dress sexy, be confident, beautiful women are picky with these things. Why? Because they can.

 

These will HELP get a foot in the door. You're up against stiff competition in men that really take care of themselves.

 

Baby face men are popular with women: link removed

 

So I don't know why you are saying that's it.

 

-opinion of one of these woman

 

 

I have a pretty good body (175 pounds 10-12% bodyfat), weightlift alot. Skin is pretty good. Tans easily. straight teeth (had braces). Usually buy clothes from express/banana republic.

 

So yeah I don't know? Although the list you give is helpful, it does seem like I am doing most of those things (except maybe the shoe thing...I hate spending a ton of money on shoes haha).

 

I also am not to keen on the idea of dressing like a GQ model in order to just get a date, seems a bit much. If that was needed in order to date then everyone one dress up like one in order to get married. seems silly.

 

But then again you are the girl so you are probably right

[Stay_home]

There's more to reeling women in than general attraction. If you lower your standards you will have even less success with women. So don't take the low road, always stay on the high road. I've had great success over the years with women and I'm hardly any bit of the athletic specimen with looks of fire or money drooling out of my pockets. So I know those things aren't always true.

 

Women want guys who can reach them, it doesn't matter how as long as you do.

 

If you can reach her on a more deeper connection it doesn't matter how you look. To do that you need to understand that not all women think the same like we tend to believe as guys. They don't all want the same things, although there are handful of them that do. If you avoid the common every day girl and find someone who has something to offer you, than you've won. And enough about a friendzone or how some woman becomes a friend but she isn't interested. If she's a genuinely good friend and isn't just a friend who had pity because she didn't like you then you still won. That's still considered success in my book.

 

Everybody isn't meant to be together. Sometime you think you want things that you see but you don't really know what it is. Love has a funny way of working out like that. I used to crush on this girl a few years back. But she just wasn't as interested in me. I admit, she wasn't exactly my type but I didn't know that until now. In the end we ended up respecting one another immensely and I got a good friend. I dwelled on it, but I got right back and kept on dating. So there are no losers. Even if it flops, as long as your still dating and taking chances meeting people than you're winning because you're still dating. You're still actively pursuing and trying. Once you stop or once you quit is when the game is over and you've lost.

[Cherry1010]

I have a pretty good body (175 pounds 10-12% bodyfat), weightlift alot. Skin is pretty good. Tans easily. straight teeth (had braces). Usually buy clothes from express/banana republic.

 

So yeah I don't know? Although the list you give is helpful, it does seem like I am doing most of those things (except maybe the shoe thing...I hate spending a ton of money on shoes haha).

 

I also am not to keen on the idea of dressing like a GQ model in order to just get a date, seems a bit much. If that was needed in order to date then everyone one dress up like one in order to get married. seems silly.

 

But then again you are the girl so you are probably right

 

As I said. Take it or leave it.

 

I didn't say brands in general. I'm talking about how you wear it and that it doesn't wear you.

 

I didn't say brands re shoes. I'm talking about the style. Men's shoes are such a sticky thing. It says a lot re style, what you think is hot.

 

I'm just saying. Sorry for being brutally honest or 'silly'. I never said dress like a GQ model. I put points out there as to what you are competing with to date the top shelf women. In relation to initial attraction and getting a YES for a first date.

 

My ultimate point is like for like. If you aren't in the club (which I'm not sometimes) then don't try. Go for 7/10 or 6/10 not 9/10 - 10/10.

 

I recently dated a guy that was punching above his weight and he was nervous the entire date. After getting to know him he would still be quite awkward despite knowing me pretty well. It would take a little bit of alcohol for him to warm up most of the time. It's like I was a porcelain doll.

 

My point - can you handle the situation should it arise? Think about that. Be confident. Are you ready? Etc.

 

Ps just because your teeth are straight doesn't mean anything. They could still be unkept and yuck. I'm a stickler for nice white brushed clean teeth. I find crooked teeth can add personality. So it's not about shape it's about how you look after them!!!!!!

[PaintWithLight]

As I said. Take it or leave it.

 

I didn't say brands in general. I'm talking about how you wear it and that it doesn't wear you.

 

I didn't say brands re shoes. I'm talking about the style. Men's shoes are such a sticky thing. It says a lot re style, what you think is hot.

 

Are your teeth white?

 

I'm just saying. Sorry for being brutally honest or 'silly'. I never said dress like a GQ model. I put points out there as to what you are competing with to date the top shelf women.

 

My ultimate point is like for like. If you aren't in the club (which I'm not sometimes) then don't try. That's all I'm saying.

 

These tips are helpful and true up to a point. My opinion is that it all comes down to game. Your confidence, your charm, your wit, your magnetism. Of course, polished shoes and white teeth all help your game since they allow you to place your best face forward so to speak.

 

I don't think you have to lower your standards, just learn to avoid the attention-junkie women, the time wasters, the "its-all-about-me types... These women can be amazing looking but in the end, they will take much more than they give. Learn to identify the bad investments and go after the women who seem open to having a conversation with you.

Good luck!!

[Cherry1010]

I don't think you have to lower your standards, just learn to avoid the ......, the time wasters,

 

 

Learn to identify the bad investments and go after the women who seem open to having a conversation with you.

Good luck!!

 

Amen. In terms of overall. This is mighty sound advice.

 

Also - quite sound advice for dating in general.

 

I will add - 'just because she's pretty, dont let her get away with anything more than an average looking chick'

 

There's always something so sexy about a man with a good firm backbone and standards.

 

Good luck! Hope I helped!

[HeatherB]

If the only thing holding you back is your young looking face, why not get plastic surgery? Then you could have any woman you wanted.

[radiohead20]

UPDATE:

 

 

I took the liberty to ask a few female friends that I confide in about my issue. They pretty much all unanimously agreed with me. Some more than others

 

They basically said - It is difficult for me to get "audition". Aka, pass the initial filter, which is usually based on superficial qualities. However, once they actually get to know me things change. I have high confidence that I can connect with women on a deeper level and know how they operate, since I have been around women a lot in my life. The only problem is getting past the initial "superficial screen". This is what irritates me.

 

They confirmed what has actually been happening in my life. Its an odd phenomena. Girls will not like me initially, and then date other people. however, as they get to know me more, they will start to throw signals at me. However, by that time they are typically in relationships. I have had many instances where girls that I am friends with that initially were not interested in me have almost cheated on their boyfriends with me. I think it is because I Am not afraid to connect with them on a deeper level as our friendship progresses. I have lost a lot of female friends because of this.