Confused after break up, try again?

[jds1990]

Well was with my ex girlfriend for 2 years, broke up just over a week ago. First few days i enjoyed it, just the space and freedom i hadnt had in my life for a long time was back. I havent been out on the pull or anything, just enjoying myself with mates without having to answer to a girlfriend for the first time in 2 years has been bliss. Lately however i have found myself missing her more then i originally thought i would, we broke up on good terms, i had been saying to her for months that it wasnt working but she couldnt see it then last week she realised herself and we both agreed it was best to end it.

 

I didnt speak to her for the first few days till she text me asking me how id been, since then we have been talking more and last night she told me she wants to meet up for a drink. Now i dont mind doing that as there are no hard feelings between us, im just confused to what i want. I do really care about this girl but at the same time i think i want to be on my own for a bit, im just not sure what i want. The main reason we broke up was because she completely smotherd me, she has been living with me throughout the majority of the 2 years we were together and it took its toll on me in the last few months. Add to the fact she lost her job in November so that put extra stress on us aswell, ideally i told her i want her to sort herself out before we even think of trying again. Shes told me she has moved out now and that shes trying really hard to find a new job, shes telling me things will be a lot different if we were to try again as she realises she needs to give me a lot more space. I think we would be a lot better if the space thing got a lot better, i just feel its too quick to rush back as its only been 8 days? Dont you think we need to give it at least a few more weeks to decide how we really feel?

[SapphireNoir10]

I think you should give it more time. It's only been 8 days. All your problems wont be magically fixed if you do get back together.

 

Is it her your missing? or the companionship/cuddles/sex etc of a relationship?

 

It sounds like there were good reasons why it ended. Why not just give it a bit more time. I mean it's natural to miss someone when a relationship ends it doesn't always mean it's right to get back together. Give yourself a bit more time.

[jds1990]

Thanks for your reply. I feel it is too early aswell, im not meeting up with her till next week now as shes going to have a girly day with her mates which i think will do her good, shes finding the break up a lot more difficult then i am. Yes i miss the closeness and the sex but theres a lot more too it, i really do care about the girl and know that if she sorts herself out then we could go back to how we used to be. Ill talk to her properly before i see her explaining i dont want to rush things, shes saying shes finding it really difficult and that i dont seem to care. I do care i just been in a break up before so know what its like where as im her first serious relationship so shes finding it more difficult, im just trying to explain to her things do need to be rushed like as you say not a lot will have changed in 8 days.

[SapphireNoir10]

Just tell her you care and what you just said there, that you really miss her and stuff but you think you need more time and she needs to sort out her issues etc. There is no need to rush it

 

Good luck with it all

[jds1990]

After not speaking to her for a few days she started texting me a few hours ago. Were meeting up on tuesday for a drink and during the convo she said i might get some sex if im lucky, now i know i can get it if i want. Is it the best thing tho? Its been 10 days apart and she says she misses me like crazy and wants to try again, but not enough time has gone past has it, not enough has changed. Its also my birthday coming up on wednesday and im out with my mates and she said shes already dreading the thoughts of me and what ill be up to, i understand its going to be hard for her even though ive told her i just want to go out and enjoy myself not sleep with anyone. I just feel that because she misses me so much and this being her first break up she wants to get back together so badly, but surely i have to be the one to realise its not the best thing just yet? I can see us trying again soon i just dont think enough time has gone for us to change how we were.

[squirl]

Please do not sleep with her while you are in this broken up state. You will wind up hating each other and she will lose self-respect.

 

If you love her and care about her, kindly and gently explain to her that sex is not the way to fix this, but rather that the relationship takes some personal growth on both sides and you would like to see her focus on her career. She is too emotional to see this now, so you can explain to her that it is because you care -- and not a lack of caring -- that you would not take advantage of her emotionally vulnerable state.

 

You sound like a great guy and that she has a little growing up to do. Hope you can work this out over time. Happy birthday.

[jds1990]

Its like she has it all planned, she gets on really well with my mum and sister too so after i see her she said shes coming back to mine to see how there doing. I do care about her, and i know that the break up has hurt her a lot more then it did me, i realised months ago things wernt right so ive had a lot of time to think and reflect about things but with her i think she finally realised only 10 days ago. She has it a lot harder too, doesnt get on with her family so shes is staying at a mates at the moment, she doesnt have a job.

 

Its difficult because i want to be with her but in order to be with her i want to be happy and for the last 3 or 4 months of our relationship i wasnt and that for me was just down to lack of space and constant arguing. Ive told her for things to get better she needs to realise she cant live at mine and that i need a lot more space. During our 2 years together i think the longest we went without seeing each other was 3 days, these 10 days apart is the longest by far we have spent apart and the feeling of being able to do my own thing and just having the freedom is what ive missed most.

 

I know what needs to change, its just up to her to realise how she has to balance things too.

[Ms Darcy]

I say you should cut off contact for a couple of months and see how you feel.

 

I suspect you would break up again if you got back together soon.

[jds1990]

So met up with her earlier she came back it was clear she wanted sex so before we did i told her where i stood, that i wasnt ready to get back wanted more space and she told me she understands now and agreed with me, so we had sex. I feel fine about it, im just suprised she was as laid back about it as i was, im hoping shes starting to find it easier now. Dont know when ill next see her, im just glad she seems to have realised whats best and seems to be getting on with it like i am

[idkxxx]

You shouldn't have slept together. For her sake anyway, even if she seemed laid back about it she may change her feelings towards that and maybe wasn't taking what you said entirely seriously because she was just happy to be spending time with you. I agree I think you need more time, figure out what you want and then decide but while you're doing that I think it'd be best to just not be in contact as much just in case she gets her hopes up and you realize you just want to be on your own. Good luck!