Why does he avoid me?

[belly123]

Hi,

 

I hope you don't judge me but I want to know what is going through this guy's head. Both of us are married to different people. We are in our early 30s.

 

I recently emailed him saying I am attracted to him and when he sees me next time to be rude so I can stop liking him. He did not reply to this email and he avoids me like the plague. He was forced to talk to me during a meeting at work(yes this is at work) and he was smiling ear to ear when he first said hi to me(and his eyebrows raised and dropped during the smiley hi) and he continued to go red and smile(alot) while talking to me briefly at the meeting. Throughout the meeting he was so quiet and did not provide any input. There was a person seated between us and I felt he was trying to hide using this person as somehow he was not in my view when he was talking to the other person- he was consciously trying to cover.

 

There has been alot of accross the room stares where our eyes lock. When we talk it's amazing- he makes me feel so special- totally concentrates on me even though others are around and his voice is always gentle,soft and speech becomes slow- always smiling and he never tries to end the conversation and I always do.(I cant say we talk that much bec he seem to vanish for weeks after one of our "talks")

 

Then there are other times where he walks into a room and ignores me completely.

 

I wanted closure that is why I emailed him. I wanted to know whether he like me and if he didnt I can move on. I dream about him all the time it is not healthy.

 

H e seem to be the shy type.

 

Can anyone tell me what is going through his mind? If he didn't like me he would be indifferent to my presence I would think- but then again I am a woman..

[MadxMythMadame]

Besides obvious possibility of infidelity on your conscience, I think he's interested, but he's married -- he's probably a good guy that doesn't want to cheat on his wife, despite an attraction.

 

I think you're thinking too much into it. You've sent the e-mail. He's avoiding your like the plague -- you should move on. Considering your impulsive behavior (no, I'm not judging. Just an observation), you're not going to stop pursuing him. You like him too much to all of a sudden stop. So despite what I just said, You should move on.

 

I would rather judge you, believe me, but that's not what you're here for. Just don't say you don't want to be judge when you know something is not right. Not that it's wrong, just not right.

[Ayanokōji]

Guys aren't going to be mean to you just because you ask them to, in fact most will probably do the opposite. What you are asking him to do is highly immature and also damaging to his reputation if anyone catches him being mean to you.

 

He may be scared you are going to do something and his wife will catch him in the middle of it etc... Which is probably why he avoids you.

 

You're going to have to get over him on your own I think.

[chickydoodle]

So what are your intentions if he does like you?

Are you going to leave your husband and expect him to leave his wife?

 

I dream about him all the time it is not healthy.

Sounds like infatuation which is not Love. You can train your mind not to think of him.

It is important not to become delusional ( whether he likes you or not).

It is important you honour your comittment to your husband - if you stil Love him. Committment to one person does involve letting go of, or not pursuing dalliances on the side.....

Why I wonder have you fallen for this man. Are you being emotionally neglected in your r'ship? Are you bored?

[belly123]

He may be scared you are going to do something and his wife will catch him in the middle of it etc... Which is probably why he avoids you.

 

You're going to have to get over him on your own I think.

 

 

Well he can just tell me he is not interested and nothing would happen. I can't understand why he is acting like a teenager..avoiding me is inconveniencing him as he wont go anywhere if I am around..eg: the kitchen- he would come in ..put something in the fridge and practically run out!

[ParisPaulette]

It's simple, you have freaked the guy out. He may find you attractive on some level and be a bit flattered, but his bigger and smarter instinct is that this has TROUBLE written all over it. He wants to keep his job without any drama and his marriage intact. You stated your case and he's avoiding you, so it is what it is and that's a pretty clear "Uh, I'm flattered maybe but no, no, no." Now go put that energy into figuring out why you feel you have to go outside your marriage, and try to get someone to go outside of theirs.

[agent1607307371]

He's flattered that you're attracted to him. But he also doesn't want to get his work life / marriage messed up.

 

Your crush on him was nothing to do with him so you've put him in a pretty compromising situation. If he engages with you, he might be scared of you saying he's leading you on.

[belly123]

Ok I met him in the lift today. It was like a 5 mins from from the lift to the building. He was so nice and kind to me asking me what I did during the weekend etc. I couldn't face him and kept looking eveywhere else than his face but was talking normally with him- my legs started to shake - OMG I was so nervous-I am sure he did not notice though.. I have no idea what is wrong with me!

 

I am so confused.

 

We did not talk about "my email confession" at all but I feel something has changed in him- he seemed more caring towards me. This is why I am confused..if he's caring that means he likes me right? Then why doesnt he say that? If he doesn't like me either he should come accross as "what ever" or even more sexual in case he's hoping he just can have sex with me. Why is all the kindness and respect(yes respect) vibes coming from him--so confused this is driving me crazy.

[agent1607307371]

He's not caring, he's being basically polite. You said it yourself "seemed" "I feel". You're just looking for stuff you want to see.

 

Stop focussing on a married guy. Nothing good can come of that.