Got dumped by my first girlfriend last night...

[divine13]

So... where should I start?... I'm feeling everything and feel like i'm everywhere right now....

 

Let name my now ex-girlfriend "Allie"javascript Basically Allie and I had been dating for a year and nine months and last night she broke up with me.... javascript was the first girl that I've ever been with, after being with the opposite sex for the first 21 years of my life.... I am horribly mortified, upsetjavascript surprisedjavascript angry javascript a little relieved.....(relieved because there is a terrible burden to be in love and be able to be with the one you are in love with.. if that makes any sense) I love her... very dearly love her.... we have our fights, she wants to call them just disagreements, but most of the time I feel as if we can work things out because what we share is precious and worth the work... but now there is no relationship to work at... basically i just do not know.. javascript

 

okae a little background... Allie is 24, a year older than me and graudated from the same college that I went to two years before I did... I met her through one of my really good guy friends, and at first impression she disguised me... (not that she had any thought about me.. apparentlly I am not her flava...) but over time she grew on me and we could spend countless hours on the phone sharing our lives, our hopes and our dreams... and through flirting (for about a couple months) over the phone ... she invited me to her company formal... (this was the deciding night... would I be attracted to her... to a girl? ...) and it went beautifully.... we had our first kiss... and we spent the whole night laughing and talking and kissing... and since then things have been crazy... dealing with each other's past and each other...

 

a bit more background: I asked her out in January 2003... she cheated on me with a girl ( a lesbian friend of ours,but more hers than mine)... and so I realized she wasn't ready for a relationship and I let her go.. with the understanding that we wanted to be with each other but not at this time... maybe when she was ready... and in February she took me on a road trip (surprise, romantic, well thought out... and just fabulous) and she asked me out... because she was ready for this to be a relationship about the two of us... and I accepted because after alot of thought I truly did see something beautiful coming out of this...

 

and I was right; a lot of beautiful moments have been shared between us two over the past year and nine months... than last night she came over and we were kicking it in her car... being very cutesie... kissing holding hands... talking about what our plans for this weekend would be.. and she kept on repeating " I love you. I like you. I care for you" about half an hour and than she said "I've been thinking about us alot... and I've decided that this relationship should not go on." and right than my heart shattered into pieces.... her reasoning: because she feels as if I do not love her for all that she is...

 

and to make matters even more confusing... atleast for me... she wants to be my friend... (she is very close to her ex's guys and girl... and other people that she has been intimate with) and she wants for us to be the best of friends... and i think this will crush me...javascript 3C')

 

and than we talked again when she got home from my house... and the final gist of it all... because i needed to restate to her what I thougt just happened: " so the truth is: we, as girlfriends, are now over.. for now... with hope for later, maybe.. because you [allie] feel a void in the love capacity of how you view the relationship..." her answer: "yes, that's the truth"

but its all a whirlwind and I am absolutely in utter shock... and the question is

now what?...javascript

 

thanks for listening... laters...

[Cadence308]

I just read your post and I honestly have no idea what advice to give you. It sounds like you don't know what just happened and I really don't get what happened, either. It sounds like this girl, Allie, is what you call her, it sounds like she has a shady character and I'm wondering if she likes playing games. First she cheats on you, then wants you back, things seem like they are going great and you two are in love, then all of a sudden she's breaking up with you because there's a void in the love that you have for her. How lame of an excuse is that to break up with the one you love? And, oh, she wants to be best friends.

 

I think if you can be friends with her, as if nothing at all just happened and that's what you want, then do it. But, it sounds like you are very hurt and rightfully so. You might want to take some time to distance yourself from her for a while until you feel like emotionally you can handle the break-up. Does she realize being "the best of friends" means that there's no physical benefits? Maybe she also keeps the physicality of her relationships since she's been good friends with all of her exes. I think I would like the distance after this and then when and if I felt compelled to become friends with my ex-lover then I would. Don't let her call all of the shots in whatever of a relationship you still have with her. Tell her what you want and need and stick with it.

 

Hope all goes well.