First Date Night with Ex tomorrow.... Anxious

[TwiceBitten]

My ex and I have been broken up for 1 month. (Not long I know) We were together for almost 18 months and are both 30 so have a few years of experience at relationships between us. We broke up due to my insecurity issues (which I am now getting help for) and his father falling very ill and my ex giving up work to move home to be his carer which his father told me recently that my ex wasn't coping well with at all.

 

The first week of the BU I made all the mistakes. Begging, pleading, crying etc. The second week was more promising. My ex made contact and invited me over for dinner and was affectionate and friendly when we saw each other. But the last 2 weeks he has been very cold and indifferent. Sometimes not even being really able to look at me when we speak. And we now have very LC.

 

I mentioned to him recently if he would be interested in wiping the slate clean, forgetting our old relationship and trying to start completely fresh with date nights to see if we could make it work and he agreed.

 

I saw him Friday night at a mutual friends house and he was happy and loving and said that there is a great possibility we will be getting back together soon and he even said that he loved me. But then I saw him yesterday morning very briefly on the way to work and he was a bit stand offish with me and wouldn't really talk to me properly. I thought maybe the date nights weren't such a good idea if he was acting this way with me now but he said that we could get together tomorrow night for dinner.

 

I don't know about it anymore. I know I love him and want to be with him and would love a chance at reconciling but he isn't making me feel like he wants to. He has always said that if I can sort myself out and stop being insecure and get the life I used to have back (I became a little dependant on him during our relationship) then we could work it out, but I don't know if he wants to, or if he is just pulling away because of his dad, or if it's too soon to be trying to slowly start seeing each other again?

 

I have known this guy for many years and I know that once he decides to leave a girl or vice versa, then they are out of his life for good. So I do believe that he wants me in his life still, just his demeanour is giving me doubts.

[getupkid]

If you read my last post you would see I'm in the exact same boat, only my ex girlfriend broke up with me and she's 21 and I'm 27. She broke up with me for her own insecurity/trust issues.

 

Regardless, I feel that breaking up and only staying apart for a month doesn't give a lot of time to clean any slate, figuratively. You ex may feel that there are still issues being worked out but didn't take enough time to work through them with himself. It's like putting clothes on from the dryer before it's done, the clothes are still wet. Personally I would keep the LC going for a little while longer, its easy to be impatient but it's better than jumping back into an old problem before it solved itself.

[blacklantana]

well.. can you really blame him? Obviously this guy has A LOT on his plate, and adding an "insecure" girlfriend won't decrease the stress level. You need to be his strength, not his weakness. Get yourself together, stop looking into his demeanor so much (especially when it seems to be normal, considering what he is going through) and show him by your actions that you have changed, not by words.

 

Maybe even suggest to him that more time may be needed apart before you jump back into this thing.

[TwiceBitten]

No I can't blame him at all Blacklantana which is why I am feeling awful on a few levels.

 

1. I let my insecurity ruin our relationship and

2. Now that his father is sick I feel like I shouldn't try to fix our relationship at the moment because it would be selfish of me to try while his dad is unwell. But I have offered my support and have been over to the house on several occasions to visit his dad and have even had dinner with his dad 1 on 1 a couple of times because we have always been close.

 

Just a little lost at the moment and very much feeling like the bad guy

[blacklantana]

No I can't blame him at all Blacklantana which is why I am feeling awful on a few levels.

 

1. I let my insecurity ruin our relationship and

2. Now that his father is sick I feel like I shouldn't try to fix our relationship at the moment because it would be selfish of me to try while his dad is unwell. But I have offered my support and have been over to the house on several occasions to visit his dad and have even had dinner with his dad 1 on 1 a couple of times because we have always been close.

 

Just a little lost at the moment and very much feeling like the bad guy

 

1. I don't know the full story, and it usually takes 2 to tango, but if you want to take full responsibility on how your relationship got "ruined", you can. But as long as you don't regret anything. Just LEARN from it and move forward. Even if this doesn't work out with him, you need to apply this to your next relationship. Don't beat yourself up for it, that isn't healthy.

 

2. I understand where you are coming from, and how it might seem "selfish" to 'impose' on his life by trying to rekindle your fire in the midst of his father's health issue. But don't look at it like this, because he is his own person as well. He can choose whether or not he wants to try with you, no one is holding a gun to his head. And also, he would probably appreciate emotional support from someone like a girlfriend, during this tough time in his life. As "selfish" as you think you are being, there are many "selfish" benefits he would be gaining from this as well. Again, STOP beating yourself up...

 

You are very sweet and supportive by visiting his father. I think right now, you need to focus on getting to a good place BEFORE you can start to fix the relationship. Take things slow, and even tell him this so he doesn't feel as pressured. You can't fix a car without the correct tools. I think right now, you are in the wrong hardware store