I said I love you, he didn't respond the same :(

[brokenbyhim]

So me and my bf have been dating since November of 2012 going on almost 4 months, exclusive for 2 months. this started off a little rocky, and we have had some arguments about my trust issues, which i admit i do have, not because he has done anything to me, but because I have a hard time trusting men since my ex cheated on me. So, i admit i need to work on trust. other than that we get along great and spend alot of time together and he is there for me in every way. I have met his whole family and they love me. I came out and confessed to him today that I love him and that I needed him to know that. His response was...thank you for telling me how you feel baby that means alot to me. but he didn't say I love you back. and now I am left wondering and feeling stupid. He has not backed off or anything, has still been his usual self all day texting me and joking etc. but Idk what to do next. Any advice on what to do when you say I love you first and they don't say it back? He really is a great man, and i don't want to mess things up.

 

Thanks

[ssgirl1010]

I was in a similar situation to you although my relationship was shorter and I said "I love you" way too early. He said it back to me but I knew he didn't genuinely feel it. I then felt worse for knowing he felt pressured to say it back to me.

 

I have trust issues as well and my relationship started off rocky too.

 

My advice to you is this: since you love him and since he makes you happy and it sounds like he treats you well, don't give up on him just because he didn't say "I love you back" right away. Let him do it when it is natural for him. I wouldn't wait forever and I can't tell you how long you should wait before you move on if he doesn't say "I love you" but you will know in time if he is The One and if the love is mutual. Do what you feel is right in your heart.

 

For now, continue to enjoy your time with him. Please try not to fixate on this issue. Continue to have fun and laugh and build memories together and see where it leads you.

[lostnscared]

He might not love you yet. Do you want him to lie to you? I read somewhere that the average man does not fall in love until the 4-6 month mark, and depends primarily on how often you see each other during those 4-6 months. You have to give him "time", not everyone falls in love at the same pace. If in two months he still does not feel in "love" with you then that is when you can be a little worried. But for now just give him time and be glad that he is honest enough to not tell you something he does not feel.

[Computer Geek]

Sometimes people take longer to really want to say it. If he has been his usual self then just keep trucking along. If at any point his actions don't show that he loves you then you have your answer. The first time I said that I love my ex was when I was on a trip with her and we shared the moment at the same time. To me that was the right time to do it as I truly felt it even though she brought it up by asking me "do you like me?" to which I responded "no, wo ai ni" (I love you in Chinese) and she followed up immediately with "say it in English" and then we both said "I love you" at the same time.

 

If my ex had said it to me before that trip I would not have reciprocated but I still really liked her and would have kept dating her. I knew she liked me way more than I liked her at first but in time I matched her feelings. Don't sweat it and just go with the flow!

[brokenbyhim]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your advice. I guess I am overthinking it, in my heart i really feel like he is the one for me. So I am just going to be patient because i have never been happier. Thank you guys.

[blacklantana]

Just leave it alone. Don't say "I love you" anymore, until he reciprocates those feelings back. And even bringing it up to him, might make him pull away more. 4 months is soon for some people, but it may be fine for others. But right now, you MIGHT seem a bit clingy to him. You let him know how you feel, now just act like you normally would. As you stated, you don't want to mess things up or "scare him off".

 

Example: Let's say you start to make it a regular thing by saying "I love you" to him. Through text, over the phone. He might feel pressured to say it back, and you never want obligatory love. He also will feel bad because he doesn't want you to think he doesn't like you or care about you a lot. It might just take him longer to get there than you have.

 

Just keep the "i love you's" on the hush hush for a little while. I'm sure he'll come around soon

[journeynow]

Any advice on what to do when you say I love you first and they don't say it back?

 

Expressing love is a statement, not a test to see if someone responds in kind. My recommendation is Don't give love to get, just FEEL love.

 

Also, Love does not automatically equal Committed, nor does it equal Compatible. If he treats you well, you two enjoy time together, he makes time to be with you, and it is only 4 months in, don't worry about it. Maybe, though, you need some space and time to work on your trust issues before you yourself commit to this relationship?

[EssexMan]

All really good advice.

 

And, it's not only that he might not be feeling it quite yet. He might even be feeling much the same way as you do but not call it "love", or he might have his own issues making him very cautious about using the word - it's quite a big step for some people to say that.

 

So, like the others said, don't sweat it. The important thing is the relationship, not the word, let alone its precise timing. As long as the relationship is working well, what he says when is detail.

 

It's a very good sign, by the way, that he didn't say anything like "it's too early for that" when you told him that you loved him.

[Throwaway999]

If, at some point in the distant future, some girl is willing to say "I love you" to me, I hope I can keep my cool long enough to respond Han Solo-style: "I know."

 

I know some people have different "love languages" and some need a lot of verbal reinforcement and bla bla bla, but... I guess I don't put much weight in it, frankly. People in terrible relationships often toss the "I love you's" around like candy, in between being terrible to each other. They are just words. I'm more worried about how I get treated. If she treats me right and I can count on her, I don't care if I get told "I love you" a million times, or once, or not at all.

[Ms Darcy]

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your advice. I guess I am overthinking it, in my heart i really feel like he is the one for me. So I am just going to be patient because i have never been happier. Thank you guys.

 

To a certain extent, I am concerned you are a bit rushed here. It's only been four months right? I would need at least a couple of years to know if someone is the one.

 

Slow your roll and enjoy the moment.

[blacklantana]

To a certain extent, I am concerned you are a bit rushed here. It's only been four months right? I would need at least a couple of years to know if someone is the one.

 

Slow your roll and enjoy the moment.

 

I concur. Although honeymoon phases sure do have a way of mesmerizing the psyche.

[butterfly1971]

Saying "I love you" first for anyone is risky (for a man or a woman) it is a chance you take and you hope with all your heart it is well recieved and returned,but when it it isn't it can very uncomfortable.Like others have mentioned don't say it anymore.he may not feel it to that extent yet..just wait he is still with you so he does really care for you so that is a great thing.just be patient.