Why Can't She Just Let it Go!

[Always Hopeful]

My ex and I broke up rather badly. In a strange way, it was better to end it that way. We knew we were not good for each other, and each person's expectations were not aligned. At times it was a very good relationship, but most of the time, there were problems.

 

Well, after one last argument, it all sort of crashed. We yelled at each other and called it fini for sure. We haven't talked to each other for a month now. However, one thing that is annoying me is that while I'm ready to let bygones be bygones, she still harbors intense animosity and anger to me. She is a tough person to begin with, but now she is downright unpleasant to be around. And that's causing problems with my relationship with other friends, work, etc. (we have common friends at work).

 

Why is that? Frankly, my opinion has always been that anger is much more difficult and stressful to maintain than letting it all go and agreeing to disagree and moving on. BUT MAN, does the temperature drop when she's around. You can feel her hate (BTW, she's a lawyer). We have common friends, so it's difficult to completely avoid her. We run into each other often. One thing that kills me especially is that she is all lovey/dovey with my other friends, laughing at stupid jokes with a loud gaffaw all the while ignoring anything I have to say. When I am alone with her, she is just icy icy cold. She knows she can't be like that when we are in a group of friends, but once they're gone, the new ice age begins.

 

What am I asking? Ah hell, I just want some peace. But you need two to tango. Is there anything I can do? Should I just let it go, grin and bear it? It's actually very annoying and uncomfortable and I'm tired of it.

[Silly]

Its not at all odd, anger is a self defense mechanism, its actually easier to keep then sorrow, sadness, and guilt. My ex also is angry with me, lol the weird thing is she was the one that broke up with me and was the abusive one, i never did anything wrong, but finding something anything to hold agaisnt you is better than feeling guilty etc.

 

I assume she is still in your life somehow, maybe children? if not, id try and find a way to distance myself from her if you can. I mean if she really is interfering in your life, and you dont have children , ask her to let up, if not, i would really consider getting a restraining orer against her. Think, if the tables were turned, you dont think she would do this to you?

 

BTW, my ex wife was also a Lawyer, but we are still friends.

[Always Hopeful]

Thanks for the advice.

 

No there are no children, but we bump into each other often. It's just tiring to be around someone who is so cold you can feel it.

 

It's funny you say your ex broke off the relationship because my ex was the one that initiated the break up too. So along with the fact that they were both lawyers, they were the ones to decide that they no longer felt worth it to be in a relationship. There are some similarities I see.

 

I really think my ex is an extremely unhappy person who felt that she could get something out of me. When she got what she wanted, she felt she had to move on to "greener" pastures. She is never quite satisfied with her situation, other than with earthly possessions like expensive shoes and clothes and hanging out at the trendiest of restaurants and bars. She goes from crisis to crisis, seeking "counsel" all the time, and then dropping the "support" when it no longer feels fufilling. She is truly a menance, but a charmer as well, so most guys never see it coming.

 

I felt totally and utterly betrayed when she broke it off because she passed it off by saying that we were especially connected, soulmates and would always be. And yet she would never make the effort to continue conversations with me, stopped laughing at my jokes, started clinging onto others, etc. It was horrible. When I called her on it, she knew the gig was up. I think that's when she started to turn hostile.

 

Anyway, hopefully she will get something from all that hostility. I hope it makes her feel good. I guess, I do wish her well. But in truth, I think she will grow tired of keeping this anger up. It will start to eat her up. She has to choice of turning into a real bitter, sad and lonely person or just a regular human being with a heart big enough to forgive and forget and also to live and learn.

[Saddened1607306444]

From reading other people's posts, it all just sounds so familiar. Its just amazing what the same shit happens to all of us. My situation is almost identical to yours. In fact it makes me think that my ex is the one writing this post just as a different gender posing to be male. That would be a possiblity since she has gotten a hold of my password and username on this site when she out right went through my e-mail and snooped around. Anyway, if its not her that is writing this post then its amazing. I never knew how similar or identical someone elses situation could be. Like you, I fell deeply in love with my girlfriend at the time. We were with each other for 3 awesome years. She was totally my partner in crime. We both were deeply attracted to each other the first time we saw each other and were inseparable. As the third year rolls around, a guy from where she works starts to like her. He shows interest in her but since she was with me she plays it safe and thinks nothing of it. Christmas rolls around and they so happen to be secret Santa partners (where they exchange gifts and what not) Anyway to make a long story short they see each other for the brief moment and my girlfriend starts to think he is cute. January rolls around and I go on a trip with my girlfriend and her mom and sister to Maui. During our trip their we get into small arguments here and there. Tension begins to build and by the time we arrive back home we are both so angry with each other. I leave to go back home pissed not speaking to her for days until finally she calls me up only to come to a conclusion that she feels that maybe are relationship has went too long suggesting that we see other people instead. Me, feeling shocked, angry, confused at the whole blasted thing is crushed that she would want such a thing. But anyway, we end up breaking up the first time. For me that was the hardest thing because I loved the girl, gosh dammit! I didn't want to leave her. Ok well while we are broken up she goes out with that guy from her work place, they have a few dates and she calls me up again. She comes crying back to me saying that that guy was so immature (he's only 19) she's 21 and to take her back. Not knowing she was going out with someone else so soon like that refused her. I was shocked, outraged and plainly disgusted! I mean how could she just to this to me! So I end up refusing her the first time. She calls me yet another time in about two weeks begging me to take her back. At this point I have a change in heart, because deep down I wanted her back, so I took her back only to find out that she had slept with him to forget about me prior. Because of this she develops strong feelings for him, yet she wants me in her life. Talk about unfair! Anyway I end up going back to her, breaking it off, going back for about 4 times! My feelings for her were still strong. She keeps hurting me and hurting me and making me more confused each time. So finally after the 4th time we end up breaking up this time really bad. The 4th time I went back to her was because she telling me that her coworker was completely out of the picture. So I wanted to see if we still had a chance to heal together. I was dead wrong. She lied to me and hurt me soo much. She continually gets these text messages from her coworker when I told the guy not to text message or call her because we need time to work things out. So not only does she lie he does too. So in this huge argument I grab her phone and call this guy up (at this point I'm pissed and start swearing at him) I remember exactly what he told me when I called him up that night. He told me "What! She didn't tell you.......she doesn't want to be with you anymore, its not working out" After that I knew she was lying to me all this time. Before going back to her the 4th time she could have just ended it with me before it got ugly. I mean why lie about things? I come to the conclusion that she never loved me and it was just a big waste of time and emotions. I'm still super upset with her and until I can find someones else to replace her stink behind I'll have to cope with my depression and frustration. My advice is just let it go and move on (its super duper tough to do so) but just let it go. Someone better is out there.

[Saddened1607306444]

To my ex,

 

If you ever log on to this site with my username, let it be known......

Thank you for just ruining the perfect image I once had of you. You were everything to me. I loved you. I still do. Let it be known, that no matter how much you hurt me, you know what, truth is, I don't think they'll ever be a day where I won't be thinking of you. I wished we could have been but this is how it ended up being. Let it be known.....that you have the greatest of friends, RK, DW, and CL that were really nice to me, and I appreciate their kindness. Let it be known.....

[Always Hopeful]

Saddened:

 

I'm not your ex. Believe you me, that's why they call this site eNotAlone. You're right. It's a bunch of crap all around, and it happens in one form or another to all.

[Always Hopeful]

You know, I don't need anymore drama in my life. I don't consider myself a mean or spiteful person. I've always thought that I was a good guy. I make mistakes, some big, some small, but not more or less than the next guy. But somehow, I feel like I'm being punished by my ex for her decision to call it off, for her decision to lie about "loving me" and caring for me and calling me her "soulmate." You know, for anyone who is listening, when you say these things, these words, they have meaning. YOU HAVE TO MEAN IT!!!! You can't say it and then act in a completely inconsistent manner and then get angry when the other person just doesn't get it, connecting the words with the action. You can't say "I love you" and then completely ignore that person.

 

May be I'm just not as sophisticated as she is/was. May be she thinks about these things on too high an intellectual level for my simple mind. Or may be she just said one thing and did the other for her own conveniences. Either way, she ripped my heart out and stomped on it several times. And now, I'm still the one getting the flack, I'm still the one dodging her anger and coldness. Man, life is just not fair.

 

Right now, I'm trying to get out of this situation, having to bump into her often. It will probably involve a physical move. You know, one might say, that's not fair, you shouldn't be the one to have to do these things. But you know, people are adaptable animals and pretty resilient. I know I will be able to survive wherever I go. If this is the price for peace, I will pay it.