To the ones that have found love..

[Starkitty]

I've read alot about being positive and having self love in order to find love.

 

Any tips on this? and did anyone have to do this before finding love? or did it just 'happen'? Did anyone find love while having negative thoughts about love?

 

Thanks,

- Starkitty

[cleverme123]

I can tell you for years I struggled and still do with finding me and who I am. I am 26 and divorced. I found the person I am dating now while still married. At first all things seemed to be perfectly in line but over the course I had my insecurities which kept putting him on the spot. I accused him of all kinds of things and it put a great deal of strain in this relationship. (not saying some of it wasn't justified) Some where in between, I had two children who made me see myself in different perspective. Not saying go have a child to make all better. Any how, I found peace in myself and realized a lot of things people had said, the name calling, the teasing, the jokes and put downs were actually problems they had. I did a lot of self discovery and came to a point where I could wake up in the morning and be ok. I don't think there is a 100% for poor self image and low self esteem. It's constant work, but since some of the insecurities left me, my relationship has gotten better and we are getting married. You just have to be careful not to find people who see your personal downfalls, and try to abuse you emotionally even more. Good Luck.

[olderthanu]

i have never believed in love and it came as a massive shock to me to find myself actually in love.

 

i was just going through the proccess of divorce and my ex hadn't moved out yet, i was looking forward to being single and didn't want or need anyone else in my life, thats when it happened

 

my ex husband had left me with a very low self esteem and nearly 0 confidence, my new partner has given me a sense of self worth, simply by loving me as i am, flaws and all, and i now feel good about myself.

I know i am not perfect but i am still lovable.

 

 

[Starkitty]

I'm glad to hear you've both found love! Thanks for replying that helped alot.

[polygal]

We'll I have been in and out of relationships. The most I cherish is the man that I am with today. Back in high school, we dated for awhile, but knew him when I was in middle school and when he thought that I was too young for him. Over those 7 yrs. I thought of him always, but knew that we were young too understand what love is all about. Because I had been thru a previous relationship and suffered alot. I never thought I would find love again. He came into my life after 7 yrs. and still having the same feelings made me the person that I was all over again. Patient is the thing! Don't go and look for love, cause love will come your way at the least that you expect it. Keep your head up!!

[playgirl]

I think loving yourself is a big key to finding true love.

I was in a really bad relationship, abusive and what not, but I thought i really loved him.

I didnt.

I got out of that relationship and i had to rebuild my self confidence again. I had to learn to accept myself, and tell myself i really was worthy of someone.

Now im with the most amazing guy ever.

He is so perfect for me, and Im so blessed to have him in my life.

 

Best of luck!

[mahlina]

Hi Starkitty, my best advice:

 

Be yourself. Be happy. Do not look for love, it will come to you. Enjoy your life in the meantime. Romance will come knocking on your door when you least expect it.

 

That's just what I learned, based on my past experiences. Hope this Helps!

[PAdreamer]

I agree... You aren't going to be well-equipped to love someone else if you can't love yourself first. That sounds corny, but it's true. Too many people look at love as a way to make them feel better about themselves. That's why, whenever a little bump in the road comes along, those relationships have a tendency to fall apart. If you are already happy with yourself, you can handle any emotional upheaval that comes your way, and you'll be less likely to blow things out of proportion out of fear or doubt. You'll have an easier time seeing things as they really are because you won't have as much self-loathing and doubt to sift through.

 

I am a firm believer in the old addage that love will find you when you're not looking. Here's what you should be able to say: "I want love, but I could be content in life if it took me a while to find it." Not necesarily happy or fine, but able to live your life without feeling like the living dead, you know? Make a life for yourself... focus on you for a while and become better at that, and when you're ready, I think Fate will send that perfect someone your way.

[Fif Angel]

Yes, I agree competely! ^^

 

I used to think that I was unloveable- I went through a period where I was very insecure about myself and my looks, I thought I was fat and that no man would find me attractive. The men I went out with were either complete w****** or turned out to be gay lol. I was very young at the time ( I`m still young but a lot more mature) and I was constantly looking for love, or rather looking to be loved. I suppose I thought that someone else`s love for me would compensate for the lack of love I had for myself.

 

Unfortunately it doesn`t work like that!

 

Eventually though, towards the end of my school days, I finally began to see myself as worthy of love and I stopped looking to other people for validation and focused on having fun, going out and enjoying life.

 

When I started university I could finally recognise that I wasn`t fat etc but was actually goodlooking, interesting and most importantly secure in myself ( am I being vain?!)

 

I wasn`t looking for a relationship at all- in fact I was planning on staying single and having laugh and then suddenly I met this guy, went out for a few dates and suddenly realised that I was absolutely head over heels in love with him and vice versa.

 

I honestly don`t think I could meet a guy with whom I am more compatible. After we had been together about three months my friends were predicting marriage. We are so close and have so many things in common( backgrounds, beliefs, ambitions,attitudes, humour, interests) that it is almost scary.

 

Two years on we are still going strong. Of course the first flush of love fades after a little while and we have had our fair share of ups and downs and we still have more challenges in the not- so- distant future to face with me maybe going away for a while etc but I can honestly say that I have met the man I want to marry.

 

Love is such a strange,elusive thing. It comes like a thief in the night- you never know when to expect it or what it mean for you. It`s the most beautiful thing in the world, it really is

[Fif Angel]

Yes, I agree competely! ^^

 

I used to think that I was unloveable- I went through a period where I was very insecure about myself and my looks, I thought I was fat and that no man would find me attractive. The men I went out with were either complete w****** or turned out to be gay lol. I was very young at the time ( I`m still young but a lot more mature) and I was constantly looking for love, or rather looking to be loved. I suppose I thought that someone else`s love for me would compensate for the lack of love I had for myself.

 

Unfortunately it doesn`t work like that!

 

Eventually though, towards the end of my school days, I finally began to see myself as worthy of love and I stopped looking to other people for validation and focused on having fun, going out and enjoying life.

 

When I started university I could finally recognise that I wasn`t fat etc but was actually goodlooking, interesting and most importantly secure in myself ( am I being vain?!)

 

I wasn`t looking for a relationship at all- in fact I was planning on staying single and having laugh and then suddenly I met this guy, went out for a few dates and suddenly realised that I was absolutely head over heels in love with him and vice versa.

 

I honestly don`t think I could meet a guy with whom I am more compatible. After we had been together about three months my friends were predicting marriage. We are so close and have so many things in common( backgrounds, beliefs, ambitions,attitudes, humour, interests) that it is almost scary.

 

Two years on we are still going strong. Of course the first flush of love fades after a little while and we have had our fair share of ups and downs and we still have more challenges in the not- so- distant future to face with me maybe going away for a while etc but I can honestly say that I have met the man I want to marry.

 

Love is such a strange,elusive thing. It comes like a thief in the night- you never know when to expect it or what it mean for you. It`s the most beautiful thing in the world, it really is

[PrismicThunder]

atleast for me it was not a matter of proactively scowering the globe for this woman but she can out of a panic craze. I sorta had this really nasty girl hounding me for a date on V-day and so i signed up for a free trial on a dating site. Half expecting to get the general nothing out of it, i just left it on hoping that somehow i would find some date any date to get out of having to be pestered by this nasty chick for a date. So a girl emailed me and we started talking. There wasn't an immediate magical moment where i transformed instantly in love with her. We saw each other a couple of times and then gradually moved together into a relationship. After nearly a year of seeing each other and surviving the bad and welcoming the good we can honestly say that we want to be with each other. There wasn't an epiphany in which i magically loved her, it just happened. Love is like death it comes when you least expect it and often before you realize what is happening. The moral is that fate destiny or God has a way of making things happen in the most obscure ways. So there really isn't a way to plan love... it just happens.