Chelsea1987 Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 I really need advice Please. I was with my fiancée for 5years (engaged for 2 and a half) We're each others first love she was 17 I was 20 when we first met. We never had any big arguments and always happy with each other. We were planning on moving out at the end of the year and a wedding next year. Then she dropped this bombshell on me. we didn't see each other for a week due to work. Then she tells me she wants to break up because she doesn't feel the same anymore and doesn't feel anything for me. I haven't seen her for 4 weeks now we have spoke on the phone but only talking about why we broke up. That was a week ago. Is there anything I can do to get her back?maybe give her another 2weeks then ask to meet up? I don't know what to do but I feel like I don't want to give up. Please help if you can. Thanks Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Every relationship takes two to make it work, but only one to break it. You can't 'get' her back, she needs to come back by herself. The only way for that to happen is for her to get living without you out of her system. Then at some point, she'll either reflect on what she's done as a mistake, or not. If you try to tamper with that process, that's shooting yourself in the foot. The best you can do is commit yourself to surprising everyone (including you) with your resilience and your ability to bounce back. The best way to gain her interest again is to move forward and let her wonder about you--and what might have been. Head high. Link to comment
thebigman Posted February 17, 2013 Share Posted February 17, 2013 Every relationship takes two to make it work, but only one to break it. You can't 'get' her back, she needs to come back by herself. The only way for that to happen is for her to get living without you out of her system. Then at some point, she'll either reflect on what she's done as a mistake, or not. If you try to tamper with that process, that's shooting yourself in the foot. The best you can do is commit yourself to surprising everyone (including you) with your resilience and your ability to bounce back. The best way to gain her interest again is to move forward and let her wonder about you--and what might have been. Head high. i couldnt agree more.at first the process of trying to shake the need to talk to them is hell but until you finally do that the process of making the void in her life where you once were wont happen.it could take weeks,months,years or it may never happen at all but it really is the best way to possibly get things back on track. if you want proof just read my thread i started a few hours ago with my story.although not a getting back together story as of yet, it does show how being away from them is such a powerful thing in the long run. Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 Thanks for ur advice I've been keeping buy going to the gym and swimming but I just feel like she does need some time alone. I just thought maybe no contact after 3 or 4 weeks would have been enough time for her then I could have just sent a text or call her to see how she's doing. Link to comment
zep Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 You should at the very very least do NC until *she* contacts *you*. Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 But both of ur advice is right really appreciate it Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 So really the only hope I got then is to just carry on with NC and hope she contacts me? There's nothing else I can do apart from that? Link to comment
zep Posted February 18, 2013 Share Posted February 18, 2013 So really the only hope I got then is to just carry on with NC and hope she contacts me? There's nothing else I can do apart from that? Right. I know it's frustrating, but as someone wrote above breaking up only takes one. Really you should accept your Ed's decision , and do NC to build you life back up without them. If they come back you can worry about getting back together. There's nothing you can do to bring them back, you can only drive them away further. Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 Ok zep thanks for the advice. Just seems such a shame to give up on someone after 5 years. I know in my head what ur saying is right but my heart says dont give up give her space then just try talking to her and meet up and she might feel differently if she sees me again. Il stick with what ur saying though and hopefully il get to the point where I'm happy again on my own and can enjoy my life Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 18, 2013 Author Share Posted February 18, 2013 We ended on good terms as well. Also we were supposed to be going on holiday with her friends next week but I'm not going now. It would have been our 5year anniversary on Monday as well gonna be a hard week next week when there all on holiday and I'm stuck at work. Link to comment
olesun Posted February 19, 2013 Share Posted February 19, 2013 I disagree with Zep and Cat on this one. From experience. There's more you can do than just give up and move on. And there ARE ways to attract your ex without driving them further away. However, NC is going to be important for you to gain the confidence and resolve to do so. You need to examine what went wrong, work on those issues and make moves only when you are ready to accept the consequences. I haven't seen her for 4 weeks now we have spoke on the phone but only talking about why we broke up. This here is part of the issue. The break up is over. This is an event that has already passed. There is no need to discuss it anymore. And from this point forward, you need to accept that your old relationship is dead. It's gone. And it's never going to be the same way again. From this point, any contact regarding the breakup needs to be swiftly avoided. No asking her why she won't talk. Politely change the subject if she calls you again to discuss it. Can you imagine how damn boring it would if everytime you went to call a girl you were interested in; she could only talk about something depressing? If you want to reattract your ex, you need to return to being the fun, awesome guy you were before the break up. It's good you're hitting the gym and working out again. But for right now, you need to get past the holidays and the anniversary. Let it wash over you. Focus on you. Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 20, 2013 Author Share Posted February 20, 2013 Olesun thanks for ur advice. I know ur very busy. When I was on the phone to we yesterday I could feel there is something still there deep down but she is trying to keep it locked up. It's down to me to unlock it all again with rebuilding myself and doing little changes. Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 25, 2013 Author Share Posted February 25, 2013 I'm having a really bad day today. It would have been our 5year anniversary today and she's on a holiday with her friends and I've had to miss out on the holiday due to the break up.. I am so desperate for her back. I really want to stick to nc but I keep getting the urge to text her asking to meet up on the day after she's back. My head is all over the place Link to comment
Chelsea1987 Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 Now I'm more confused she text me on our anniversary saying "Haven't forgotten what day it is. Thanks for a great 5 years. Hope ur ok" What can I reply to that? Link to comment
gigginstick Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 You say it was a great 5 years thanks, have a good day. No more No less Link to comment
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