Arrgghhh!!! She broke up with me. Why do I feel like the bad guy?

[mrmbreak]

So my ex checked out of the relationship months ago. I guess I knew it was over, but when I begged her to just say the words(I don't want you anymore, we should break up, anything concrete) she would just say she didn't know...

 

So for months I was still hopeful, still faithful, still treating her the way I wanted her to treat me.

I gave her support (emotional and financial at times) and she just got colder and more distant.

Eventually she started lying to me and hiding details of her life from me. I could never confirm that she cheated, but I know I should have ended it long ago.

She still has never "officially" said its over, but she has been treating me like a stranger, So I know it's over.

 

Tonight, I got all of my stuff from her place. It was mostly silent. I asked her if she had anything she wanted to say to me, she said "no". I knew if I started talking I would break and start begging her to try to work things out. So, I was in and out in about 10 mins and was feeling pretty good about myself on the drive home.

 

Lately I've been doing the LC/NIC with her with the plan of doing NC once I got my stuff.

She sent me a text saying "how she didn't know I wanted nothing to do with her now" and "have a good night"

 

I know I shouldn't, but I feel like crap now...

 

I know I need NC, If she would snap her fingers, I know I would run to her.

 

I still love her, but I deserve better.

 

I guess this is more of a rant than anything else, but has anyone else felt like the bad guy after getting dumped?

 

I want to text her back. Should I just go NC? I would like to tell her why I'm doing NC, is this a bad idea?

[daddids]

First of all i am sorry for you feeling this way but you have to accept the fact that it is over.If she wanted to be with you she would find a way to show/tell you.Begging an ex only places you to the worst possible situation you can be.No one wants to be with a weak,non confident person.

You must definitely go NC but you have to understand who you are doing it for.You are not doing it so that you get your ex back, you are doing it so that you can find yourself, clear your mind and have a better look at the whole relationship/break up thing.Grow stronger, take up new activities and try to look on the bright side of it.

Currently there is nothing you can do to change her mind/heart and that is totally natural.Only if months go by without her seeing/talking to you and when/if you finally meet you are refreshed,happy,shining, only then there is a chance she can look at you differently,just dont live everyday waiting for this day to come.

As for telling her why you are doing NC that is indeed a really bad idea, i was thinking to do so when i was in your shoes but my friends prevented me from doing it and pretty soon i was thanking them for it.

Just cut all communication with her,even if she contacts you keep it as casual as possible or act busy.

Remember though you are doing it for you, not her.

[oap81]

Sorry you are going through this. Later on you will realize she was the one in the wrong here. She knew that you were still hoping for something but she kept stringing you along. She practically used you for emotional support and never gave it back. And you mentioned financial as well. Your story sounds close to mine. Except my ex told me it was over but we still acted close. You don't need to tell her anything just go nc and begin to heal.

[mrmbreak]

Thanks for the replies. They really do help strengthen my resolve.

 

This whole situation is really weird for me...

She wasn't the prettiest gf I've had, or the nicest, or the most giving, or the most loving.

But she was the first one I ever told I loved her, and this one hurts the most.

 

She texted me again asking if this means I'm not going to talk to her anymore... She said she was sorry IF she hurt me, and that she will leave me alone now. (God, It just feels like she is baiting me into texting her.)

As ridiculous as it sounds, I want to tell her that I'm not going to contact her again because she lied to me. (I never confronted her about the lying, I knew the relationship was over already) I would have accepted being cordial with her if she would have just been upfront and flat out dumped me. She would never say the words. She just started treating me like a stranger. Where was this interest in us talking before? When I was begging her to just talk to me.

 

In some ways I think I'll have closure if I say it one more time that she really hurt me, and she pushed away a great guy. I want to tell her that I want to still be there for her. (dumb idea, I know)

 

I know it won't do any good though. It won't help me.

I won't respond to her.