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derpyderpensen

By derpyderpensen
in Getting Back Together

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derpyderpensen Rookie

derpyderpensen

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So i posted on here before about my story. Yesterday was my birthday unfortunetly she didnt wish me a happy birthday which i didnt take to heart at all because i know she has emotional issues which she explained to me before during our relationship and if anything it shows that she still feels for me... because she isnt indifferent, Anyways that doesnt matter the point is this.

 

I plan on contacting her sometime next week, it wouldve been 4 weeks of No Contact and she initiated the break up do to me being insecure and stressing her out this is our second break we have been together for 2.5 Years.

 

Basically the advice i need from you guys is: when initiating the conversation with her what do i say? i want to be friends with her... keep it all platonic..

 

So do i start off with a simple "Hey stranger, howve you been "

 

Or do i just go right out with it and say this : "Hey listen, I just wanted to tell you that I think the break-up was for the best, but I think it would really be a shame to throw away our friendship."

 

Should i just go right out with it and say that or say that later in the conversation?

 

I have improved tremendously this past month i havent looked at any of her social networks i have heard some things from friends just looking out for me and updating me so i looked at what they wanted to show me and i didn't over think or over analyze it and simply didn't care and saw it as nothing. I am completely over what happened and can vividly see how iv'e changed so either way if she rejects me ill be fine but of course i'd rather have her again because i just want to.

 

So how should i initiate the conversation? I just need to know what to say at first and i can take it from there... my plan is to talk for a lil bit and when her guards down end the convo hit her up like later in the week or next week to get coffee or something. If she doesnt want to then she doesnt want to but i want to know how to approach this situation correctly to make sure she does.

I did not beg or plead when it ended i simply accepted it.. i did panic and plead when it was in the process of ending but in the end i left on a good note.

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derpyderpensen Rookie

derpyderpensen

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its been 3 weeks.. i would wait few more months of NC.. work on urself.. create mystery with u not being in touch so soon

 

Too long i rather try and get rejected then wait i know her lol... too long. Wont go longer than to the end of this month. Besides i feel im ready now im just giving it a few more days because its Valentines day.. so she could take it the wrong way. She is not one to reach out and I know even though I was dumped I am going to have to make the first move. Break up was my fault anyway lol

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LoveHim Newbie

LoveHim

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I have to agree with the other person, 3 weeks is too soon to initiate any contact with her.

 

It isn't enough time for her to lose the bad feelings towards you. Even though you are in a better place, she may not be. Contacting after only 3 weeks could destroy any chance of friendship you would ever have with her.

 

I say wait longer

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derpyderpensen Rookie

derpyderpensen

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I have to agree with the other person, 3 weeks is too soon to initiate any contact with her.

 

It isn't enough time for her to lose the bad feelings towards you. Even though you are in a better place, she may not be. Contacting after only 3 weeks could destroy any chance of friendship you would ever have with her.

 

I say wait longer

 

im not asking for how long i should wait im asking what to say..

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22n32 Collaborator

22n32

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Im not asking how long to wait i already made up my mind. Im asking on what to say....

 

not trying to be a smart ass.. but if ur a new man then u should know what to say...

 

 

how about HI.. how have u been?? pretty simply.. just wait u will have a better outcome

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derpyderpensen Rookie

derpyderpensen

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Welp, you're ignoring the advice you SHOULD be taking so good luck to you but one last caution -- this isn't going to go well. You WILL get rejected even if this brings you back together for a short period of time...which it most likely won't.

 

yeah, whatever idc if it doesnt work out i move on one way or another. i may wait longer nothings for certain

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Boomshine Explorer

Boomshine

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how about HI.. how have u been??

 

I wouldn't suggest doing something like that. That's what's called a nothing text. There's nothing there. No emotions elicited, no garnered attraction. And if her attraction toward you is at a low, she's not going to put in the effort to continue to conversation. With something like that, if she's still too focused on the past, you're likely to get a one-word response: "Good." Then you're forced to try and keep the conversation going. The more work YOU have to put into keeping the convo going, the more YOU'RE chasing HER. You need it to be the other way around.

 

Here's a text I sent my ex on Tuesday. Albeit, it's not the first text after NC, but I'm still in the very early stages of us reconnecting:

 

Short pre-story: I work at a pizza place now, and when she and I met for the first time, we worked at a different pizza place 30 miles away in our hometown.

 

"Just had to teach a coworker how to fold boxes for the first time, and it made me think of the time when I first folded Kickers boxes with you. I still remember how you smiled at me and how your eyes seemed to light up the whole room. It was the first time I realized that I liked you. =)"

 

Her response: "Aww. i think that was our first real interaction with one another."

 

Then, as I'd been taught, I ended the conversation there with "Yeah. I'd always thought you were incredibly cute and attractive, but that moment was what made me so sure about it. I gotta get back to work now, so I hope you have a great day at school, and I'll talk to you later! ^.^"

 

I got this from a few programs like "Make Small Talk Sexy," "Magnetic Messaging," and "Text Your Ex Back." The idea is to let some time pass (AKA NC), so all of her bad feelings about the relationship start to subside, and she replaces them with all the better memories. Once you've gotten to that point, you can start eliciting more positive feelings in her through texts like these. They don't hurt, they're only slightly manipulative (in that since you mention it, of course she's going to start thinking about it), and even if she doesn't respond, she'll start thinking about it. The key is, don't be overbearing. Don't keep hammering away until you get a good response. Send your text, let her respond if she will, and then either end it quickly after she responds, or if she doesn't respond, just let it go, and try another one LATER down the road.

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markie6 Explorer

markie6

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she initiated the break up do to me being insecure and stressing her out
what she said

 

Too long i rather try and get rejected then wait i know her lol... too long. Wont go longer than to the end of this month
what you said

 

You might get advice you don't agree with or perhaps you don't want to hear it but imho ... you're still showing your needy , insecure side and risk stressing her out. How will this help ?

 

Your best bet is if she misses you , if she does she will be in touch. If she doesn't then she won't ... stressing her out when her mind is made up and she has communicated this to you... will not help your cause.

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derpyderpensen Rookie

derpyderpensen

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what she said

 

what you said

 

You might get advice you don't agree with or perhaps you don't want to hear it but imho ... you're still showing your needy , insecure side and risk stressing her out. How will this help ?

 

Your best bet is if she misses you , if she does she will be in touch. If she doesn't then she won't ... stressing her out when her mind is made up and she has communicated this to you... will not help your cause.

 

Ok thanks ...

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squirl Contributor

squirl

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"Hey stranger, howve you been "

 

Or do i just go right out with it and say this : "Hey listen, I just wanted to tell you that I think the break-up was for the best, but I think it would really be a shame to throw away our friendship."

 

 

I think you should say something fun, easy, lighthearted and interesting. If you can' think of anything, then wait until you can.

 

Personally, I hate when I get "How are you?" texts from guys I haven't heard from for a while. I find it lazy, and attention-seeking and a sign that the guy is going to make me work to entertain him.

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derpyderpensen Rookie

derpyderpensen

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I think you should say something fun, easy, lighthearted and interesting. If you can' think of anything, then wait until you can.

 

Personally, I hate when I get "How are you?" texts from guys I haven't heard from for a while. I find it lazy, and attention-seeking and a sign that the guy is going to make me work to entertain him.

 

thank you! some good advice

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