where did it all go wrong...

[boathouse14]

I feel I have so much loss, grief and sadness right now... long-term unemployment, horrible breakup that I can't seem to recover from, health insurance issues, and a general malaise that I can't seem to shake. Every day seems either the same horrible crappy feeling, or worse. I can't stop kicking myself for mistakes and/or grieving over my situation. I used to have it all - home, family, great job, financial security, friends, health, fitness, success in rowing competition... Now I'm just stuck in the mud and depressed beyond belief. It started in 2007, with the loss of my brother, my dad and my marriage. Took me a few years to recover from that, but I did, as hard as it was. Now a year and a half into unemployment at age 52, a recent breakup - that I caused - has shaken me to my core. I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know how to get out of this mess. If it weren't for my two kids, I would just back my car into a snowdrift, get really drunk, pop a bunch of pills, and fade away from carbon monoxide within a few hours.

[chitown9]

Have you looked into support groups in your area? As hard as it is for you to do it right now, the best thing for you to do is put yourself out there. You need to do some networking and as great as this site is, there is much more to be gained by just being with people. Please try it and let us know....chi

[becomingkate]

I'm so sorry.

 

I am 48 and have been unemployed for eight months, and it's killing me. I go out looking every two days and on days in between, I'm applying online and researching places that I want to work, but it gets harder as I get older. I have all these skills yet my ability to network is shrinking down to nothing. People that valued my work years ago have all moved on to bigger and better things and I have no idea where they are. It's hard.

 

Thank god for our kids! I've had to hold it together so that they don't get too upset, but even they know I'm struggling.

 

Have you interviewed with any head hunters or recruiters/temp agencies?

 

I think you may be able to put your break up behind you if you had some job prospects to look forward to. Have you contacted any old friends to see if they have a line on a job, or can offer some support? How old are the kids? Can they help? My daughter is 24 and she's working at the mall and keeping an eye open for jobs that would suit me.

 

Anyway, I hope some others can offer more encouragement and advice.

[Not a rookie]

Apropos support groups; have you tried joining a Emotions Anonymous group in your area?

[boathouse14]

I've done it all on the job search... you name it, I've done it. Now I'm so depressed I can barely move. I am also fighting alcoholism. I was clean & sober for almost 20 years and picked up last August. Things were fine until recently. Now I'm totally lost. I'm not drinking a ton, just here and there. I like how it feels when I drink, but then I get depressed, and I don't like how I feel later on or the next day. I'm just so down about everything. My friends are all younger rowers, they are all starting their lives out - I used to train with them and it was a lot of fun. We were all really close. Now I'm the old loser of the group. They're all doing what I did in my 30s, getting married, careers taking off, moving to other parts of the country. My best friend is in Colorado and I hate to lean on him, even though I have been, and he's been great. I just hate singing the same old crappy sad song every day. I hate burdening him or anyone. I put on a happy face for my kids - try to anyway - but I do slip sometimes and show my sadness, which is really hard for them, so I don't like to do it. I know being with other people is key, but I don't have the energy. This is not how I used to be... though I've always been prone to depression. I had a similar episode as this when I was 21, and it was brutal. I'm on meds but they don't seem to be helping much.