Ten Ways to Blow it in a Relationship

[mjones.uk]

How many of us are guilty of at least one of these points.....?

 

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What do you do when you've attracted a lovely person into your life and now you're terrified you're going to blow it? Or, terrified it's going to end?

 

Arm yourself with the following strategies, and you're sure to blow it in a relationship right from the start.

 

1. Assume the person is your soul mate immediately upon meeting or shortly thereafter. Look for signs that faith has brought you together and be amazed by the correlations in your

lives.

 

2. Forget about your life, your friends, your self-care. When you have a soul mate, why would you need a life outside of the relationship?

 

3. Reveal everything, and test your partner with your worst behavior. Let it all hang out. After all, if this is truly your soul mate, he or she will love you no matter what.

 

4. Have sex right away. If you are meant to be together for a lifetime, you might as well get started on the fun part right away.

 

5. Ignore anything about your partner that does not mesh with your values, lifestyle, or belief system. True love can conquer such insignificant differences.

 

6. Do lots of drama together. Job, family, and life crises are great ways to establish a relationship and test whether or not you are meant to be together.

 

7. Spend as much time together as possible. When it's true love, you can't bear to let your partner out of your sight.

 

8. Ignore behavior that crosses your boundaries or hurts your feelings. It's true love, so it's ok.

 

9. Lavish a huge amount of attention on your partner or expect a huge amount of attention to be lavished on you. How else would you act if you finally found your soul mate?

 

10. Push the relationship forward and demand that it go deeper, in spite of where your partner is emotionally. You have the right to have the relationship be exactly how you want it to be and your soul mate owes you that.

 

If you want some insurance that your new relationship has every chance of making it, be…

 

* Honest

* Communicative

* Clear about your needs and boundaries

* A good listener

 

On the other hand, your relationship may end no matter what you do. But being in fear it will end actually makes the end more likely. To eradicate this fear, let go of the attachment that the person you are with be THE right person. Simply be with him or her one day at a time.

[cs20thcenturyfox]

Once again,

Good Job mjones.uk 8)

[SwingFox]

You goooo mjones.uk!!!

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I like this article. It really hit the nail on the right place this time. I have spent some time evaluating my last relationship with your points. I found myself being guilty of four points out of ten. Which ones? Not telling! Needless to say that it was enough to get heartbroken...

 

Did I learn from your article? *Grins* ... sorry, I beat you to it! The points that you gave and WILL last a relationship (although no guarantee) is all I have moved into my new 'me'

 

Thank you for sharing, mjones! I like your article

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Gilgamesh]

Ok, I do not totally agree with this list, and would bet that the vast majority of couples happy or not, are guilty of something from this list. lets look at them one by one.

 

1. Assume the person is your soul mate immediately upon meeting or shortly thereafter. Look for signs that faith has brought you together and be amazed by the correlations in your

lives.

 

The first part i agree with, if you or the other person is saying "soulmate" right away, then that sounds like they are looking too hard, on the other hand what is a soulmate? there are two beliefs, one is the "new age" soulmate where one believes they were lovers from another lifetime, and that their souls return over and over again to find each other in the current lifetime (reincarnation). The more common "soulmate" is just someone that shares your same interests likes and dislikes, etc.

 

So do you believe that being with someone completely different from you would make a happy relationship?, Lets say "Jane" likes art, classical music, early morning jogs and opera, fashion, and finds a guy that also does and likes those very same things, and they call each other soulmates, well, under this rule, this relationship will fail, why? it doesnt have to fail. and the part about people looking for signs of fate that brought them together, id say 90% of everyone believes that anyway, just ask your self, how did you meet your friends or girl friends etc. if you werent in a certain place at a certain time, etc things wuld have been different, so people in love will almost always feel "lucky" nothing wrong with that.!!

 

So Rule 1, I give a no go.

 

2. Forget about your life, your friends, your self-care. When you have a soul mate, why would you need a life outside of the relationship?

 

I agree totally with this rule, you should not change who you are, or lose yourself in anyone.

 

3. Reveal everything, and test your partner with your worst behavior. Let it all hang out. After all, if this is truly your soul mate, he or she will love you no matter what.

 

Being honest with who and what you really are is wrong? so when should this tidbit of info come out? after they hae been dating for a year? "Oh sorry honey, didnt i tell you i like going to nudie bars withy friends on superbowl sunday". I dont agree with #3, you should be honest with who and what you are, and if your future potential partner doesnt like who you really are, then you should know now. not later.

 

4. Have sex right away. If you are meant to be together for a lifetime, you might as well get started on the fun part right away.

 

Ok, what is the definition of right away? and why does sex ruin a relationship? one person might think 3 dates is a lot of time, another may think that 10 is too soon, this rule doesnt make any sense, a couple is ready when they are both comfortable with the idea of giving pleasure to each other thats it, I wonder how many happily married couples are in the world right now, that had sex early in their relationship.

 

Number 4 is a negative.

 

5. Ignore anything about your partner that does not mesh with your values, lifestyle, or belief system. True love can conquer such insignificant differences.

 

Ah, love is blind, gotta agree with this one, prbably the biggest mistake, denial and/or the belief that your going to "change" the other person.,

 

But nit picking and looking for perfection is also an error, there will always be a few differences, the important thing is that you recognize them fromthe start and decide if they are something you can live with for the rest of your life. if its nothing serious, then ok, if its something you cannot stand, then move on, dont try and "mold" the other person, that will just make them unhappy nad not who they are.

 

so #5 gets a positive.

 

6. Do lots of drama together. Job, family, and life crises are great ways to establish a relationship and test whether or not you are meant to be together.

 

I always have problems when the rule brings "testing" in it, why not do thinks together with your potential lifemate? you know, id really like to know before i am married if my wife would stick by me when times got rough, wouldnt you? isnt dating, all a test anyway? to see if your compatible together? I'd say this rule should be all the opposite, the worst thing a dating couple could do, is to avoid all hardships, dont do anything together other than romance, foget about real life eh? does that make sense? we live in a real hard world with real problems, wouldnt it be nice to see how your potential lifemate and you will handle those problems together now? and iron out any problems before hand? i think yes.

 

so I give rule #6 a negative.

 

7. Spend as much time together as possible. When it's true love, you can't bear to let your partner out of your sight.

 

I agree with #7, not healthy to smother the other person, must allow each one to be his/her own person, and to keep doing what you always did before knowing each other, not to say you cant do things together, but not change your whole time schedule just so you can be together all the time.

 

#7 gets a positive.

 

8. Ignore behavior that crosses your boundaries or hurts your feelings. It's true love, so it's ok.

 

Another positive, and this goes not only at the start but also for couples that have been together for long periods of time too.

 

This forum is full of post from men and women that allow their partners to treat them badly, and they keep "forgiving" them or even blame themselfs for the abuse they receive. thats not love.

 

#8 is gets a yes.

 

9. Lavish a huge amount of attention on your partner or expect a huge amount of attention to be lavished on you. How else would you act if you finally found your soul mate?

 

This is subjective, #9 is basically true, but the problem is what is "huge amount" some couples are super cuddly and very happy together, others hardly ever talk, and are also very happy together. the important thing is to find someone that matches your level of attention needs, so rule #9 is correct if you are mismatched, you may feel smothered from a partner that is constantly giving you attention, on the other hand, may feel rejected from a partner that doesnt give you enough.

 

10. Push the relationship forward and demand that it go deeper, in spite of where your partner is emotionally. You have the right to have the relationship be exactly how you want it to be and your soul mate owes you that.

 

10 is true, you should never push or allow yourself to be pushed to move faster than you are ready for.

 

 

Honesty, Communication, and Patience are key to a good start, be honest with the other person and with yourself, communicate and take your time, and this will improve your chances of successfull relationship.