lost and confused, what should I do?

[neil213]

Sorry this a long post but needed to get it out and see what you think or get a lady's opinion or advise thank you.

 

I met this girl about 6 years ago I caught her looking at me and was attracted to her right away. It took us awhile to meet but we eventually did and we started talking and e-mailing each other, we didnt get together or anything like that at the time. She had things she was going through. And had gotten back with an ex boyfriend because she thought we would never meet. We kept talking and I would see here frequently. And as time went by our feelings for each other grew and we knew we wanted to be together. But she was with her boyfriend at the time and everytime she tried leaving him, he would threaten her and abuse her.

 

So things went on like that for awhile and I stayed around to be there for her. If she needed anything or if anything, she knew I was there.*One year we had a event type thing going on where im from. She was there, we were talking and we were just happy to be there without worrying about anything. Then I notice she had a hickie on her neck and I asked what that was haha she said it was nothing and said she had a good night or whatever. So I told her I had to go and would see her soon.

 

I left, and we would still talk and e-mail each other, call, telling each other how we felt for each other and we would be together one day and things like that. We didnt see each other for a couple months, until I saw her again at another event thing we had that same year.she didnt see me, I saw her from a distance and notice she was big (pregnant). I couldnt believe it and I didnt want to. It hurt me so much I didnt know what to think or do. I was lost and cofused. I didnt talk to her or approach her that day.*

 

So after that I emailed her and asked her if she was pregnant. I just had to hear it from her and wanred her to tell me. I don't know why. She wrote back right away and said she was and that she felt stupid for not knowing she was the first couple months and said she was sorry she didnt tell me. Then told me that she felt like she screwed up because her boyfriend was acting like he didnt do nothing and her family were giving her a hard time about it. Friends were blowing her off. And if she told me she was pregnant, she thought that I would walk away and she would never see me again and she didnt want me blowing her off or acting anyway towards her.*

 

Yes I could of walk away turned my back on her but I chose to stay. Chose to stay because I cared for her a lot and didnt want her feeling alone. Wanted her to know I was there and wasnt going to give up on her. So I told her that I wasnt going to blow her off and that im gonna be there for her and that i would never do that to her.*Things went on from there we talked we saw each other here and there we wrote called every now and then.

 

One day we started talikng about us finally being together and I was happy and been waiting for that to happen. But she told me again that she wanted to figure what she needed and figure out things for her and son. I said ok, I understand and told her I wasnt tryn to rush into things. But we didnt get together that time she was still having problems leaving her boyfriend. But are feelings for each other were strong we told each other we loved each other and we missed seeing each other. Just a lot of love between us even tho she was in a bad situation.*

 

Again we kept talking writing calling. Then one day she said she finally ended it with her boyfriend. And again she told me she needed to figure out what she needed, figure out things for her and her son and like before I told I understood and im not tryn to rush her.

 

And things went on from there we talked and wrote called but it was way less than what it was before. So many months went by maybe close to a year. We had good contact between then. One day we were talking and met up and we were together. I was happy she was happy things felt so good and so right. Finally being able to hold her, hold her hand, are first kiss. All those years waitin, being by her side through everything. It was worth the wait the hurt I went through. It didnt matter. I was finally with her and I knew that once we got together nothing would come between us, never break us. No matter what it was we would be together no matter what.

 

Everything was great from the start we talk everyday called each other almost everyday.*I forgot to metion that she live about an hour away from me. Which was no big deal. I would go see her when I wanted. If she wanted me to come see her I did. Everything was perfect and having her son there made it even better and I was starting to get attached to him. From the first time he grabbed my hand when we were walking and the name he gave me. He called me the funny guy. Haha I was so happy and complete. I knew I wanted her and her son to be part of my life and would do anything not to lose them. Would never say or do anything to hurt her or her son.

 

So everything was good.Till one night she came out to where I lived she works for a restaurant so she was catering to a place nearby me. She wanted me to take her home that night after she was done. I said yes. So I took her home and it was good even the week leading up to that night was good. On my way taking her home she was holdin my hand talking and we look at each other every once in awhile and just said I love you to each other. She'd rub my arm caress it. And when we were almost to her place she started kissing me. My neck, it felt so good. I really knew then that this was the girl and nothing would never come between us, that's how it made me feel.

 

After that night I texted her the next day. She didnt respond till the evening but I could tell something was wrong. And I asked she said that she might lose her job cause I took her home and her boss didnt like it or something. I tried talking to her but she was barely saying anything. After that night just seemed everything was going down hill. I was barely hearing from her.

We werent calling as much. She all of a sudden stopped calling me babe baby. she barely said I love you or I miss you. so i asked her what was wrong, what was bothering her. She just said i dont needa say it all the time and said just because i dont say it doesnt mean i dont love you or i dont miss you. And i just said i know it dont I just want to know what was wrong. Because one week we were like this and all of a sudden its like this.So I just didnt bother with it and there was diferent ways I tried flirting with her. There was this thing we always asked each other or she would ask me. It was. Do you love me? Do you miss me? Are you lonesome for me? You want to kiss me? It was just are way of flirting haha so I would do that to her. But seemed she would get mad.

But during that time i got sick and ened up in the hospital for about two weeks. I have really bad asthem and things werent looking good. I knew i was sick before i ended up in the hospital. But didnt tell her i was sick just told her i was ok and that i was getting better. But she never asked how i was doing or if i was ok. I barely heard from her.*So even though i was flirting with her tryn to make her feel ok or get back to where we were she was taking it wrong but i didnt know. But i did have to start questioning her if she loved me and where we were in are relationship. There were times i did have to ask i didnt want to but i knew something was wrong and i needed to know.

 

And i asked her is it me, is it your family. Cause her family was giving her a hard time about being with me or someone. But she just said it was nothing, it wasnt me.. nothing. So I said ok. So I left it even though I knew there was something. So I was there in the hospital thinking about her, missing her, wishing she was there with me.*Only time I would here from her was when she text me late about two, two thirty in the morning sayin she was messed up or something. And I would ask if she was ok who she was with and ask if she was going to get home ok. Then she would get mad and say. What no trust?!?!. I said I trust you just want to make sure your ok and if your going to make it home ok. And the times I heard from her she would just txt to say she was going out. I couldnt say nothing didnt want to tell her what to do and what not to do. I just said if that's what she wants to do then that's what shes going to do. Im not a controling person.

 

So that went on for awhile. And seemed like it was every night she was doing it. Something was wrong but she never did want to say.*Then one night she was out she textd me about two thirty, three in the morning and said she was messed up. It pissed me of cause I got tired of her just texting to say that to me.

 

So ask why are you drinking this isnt you to do this. Whats wrong. She just said nothing and that she was just out having fun. Then I got even more mad. And i said your boy is at home sleeping and look what his mom is doing, would you rather be at home with him or out doing what your doing? I know if he were mine or if I was his mom I would always want to be with him and not out drinking, im just surprised by this cause you say your mom and grandma give you a hard time about being with me but there not giving you a hard time about being out leaving your boy like that. Then I said im here in the hospital sick and im ready to give up I don't know where we are at in our relationship anymore. Then she texted back and said **** this im done.. **** it im over it. Theres no more us. Don't text or call me. Nothing! Your messed up for what you said, that was foul. And I just said I was sorry. I didnt mean for you to take it that way. I just wanted you to see that something was wrong and wanted you to tell me what it was.*That's how it ended.

 

The next day I told her I was sorry for what I said. I didnt think I was wrong in what I said but I told her I was sorry. I think I wasnt wrong in what I said because she always told me she needed to figure out things and needed to figure out what was best for her and her son and things like that. So when she kept texting me that she was going out or when she texted me telling me she was messed up or whatever I said what I said to her.

 

Yes the next day I told her to come back to me. I kinda begged but she just said no. Wouldn't let me calk her or nothing. So at the end if that day, I just thought about everything and told myself ok im not gonna texted her call or anything. If that's what she wants then im not going to bother her and beg for her to take me back. So I let it be.

 

*A week later she text me and said hope your doing good and everything is good. And I said the same back to her but she was txting back so we text for awhile didnt say much. Then she said that she wanted to tell me the real reason why she broke up with me. But she didnt tell me then. After that we didnt talk for awhile I didnt try contacting her I just waited to see if she would first. And she did and said she wanted to talk to me about why she really broke up.

 

N this is what she said. Said that I was constanly needed to know where she was at who she was with. That I costantly need hear that she loved me and that it bothered her a lot. She said I constantly needed to know. But I said to her its not that I constantly needed to know if she loved me or that I constantly need to know where she was at or who she was with. I said just felt good to here it once in awhile and if I was asking where you were at or who you were with im sorry it was just normal for me to ask where your at or who your with. Not that I was asking you to keep track. Cause I know how that is and how it prolly made you feel I just said im sorry for making you feel like that. That's not who I am and didnt want our relationship to be like that.

 

And I said to her why didnt you just tell me that. Why could you just call and talk cause I know through text messages things might come out wrong and you'll misunderstand how im asking or saying things to you. That's why I always told her to call so things werent misunderstood or whatever. But she chose not to.

 

But before she told me all this. I was texting her one night I was in the city and she told me she was there too. She asked who I was with and told her. And I ask who she came with but didnt say. So I didnt ask again till later. Then she said two of her friends and a guys and his daughter. I said kewl. So we were talking and she says we just droped my two friend at the mall but I looked at the time and the mall was already closed. I didnt say nothing to her. We kept talking then she says my friends went to a bar. And thought the closes bar is out of the the city and the next one is in the middle of the city and buses already stop running along time ago. But didnt say anything. We were still talking. And she says again oh I guess my friends found some people from out home so there just gonna go home with them. And I thought again how often when you see some one from where your from, they would give you a ride home?? Were tlkin like 75 miles back home. Its rare and they make up excuses so they don't have to give you a ride home haha*I still didnt say nothing. So we kept talking and she started saying I guess were going to get a room..

 

So after they got ther room I ask do you still want to be with me? Do you still see us being together? She said yes, but not right now. She said I love you and miss you but I don't want the relationship right now and that she wants to be alone for awhile. So I said ok. Then I ask so whats up with this guy your with right now. I sais you guys talk about being together. I said just be honest with me. So she said yes and that he grab her hand and held her already. I said what did you think or what did you do? She says I got freaked out and told him I didnt want a relationship right now and said hes ok with that. Then she started asking me, you seeing anyone or tlking to anyone. I said no am I suppose to.*And I asked her, she said theres been guys asking her out but she says no then thers just that guy. And she says its funny because people think were together.

 

I said ok, so you say you don't want a relationship but your hanging out with this guy and knowing whats on his mind and knowing he wants to be with you. Wouldnt you keep yourself away from that and focus on yourself? I mean I not tryn to say anything but it just don't make sense. But she just said it kewl its not like were doing anything. Were just here for our kids and he knows what im going through. Hes just an old friend. And knows about you too.... I just stopped texting after that. I didnt know what to say to her.. I had flowers and things I bought her. My plan was to go to her house and tell her that I was sorry for what I said and that I loved her and wanted to be with her and wanted her and her son to be in my life. But after that night I tossed everything out the window going home. I had no words to say to her. It was just like I got a big ol slap in the face. Felt stupid dumb didnt know what to think anymore.

 

Didnt contact her after that. Till she texted me telling me why she really broke up with me. And said that, that was the reason why she starting going out. Why she started talking to this guy she was in the city with. Then after that I didnt say anything to her. She txts saying hi. But I don't respond. She txt a couple weeks ago saying I guess this is it huh? Bye... I didnt have my phone then but my cousin text her saying something. I dont know what she said. But havent heard from her since. But couple days after she text the last time. I text her and said, even tho things are how they are I love you and your son. I wouldnt have done nothing or say anything to hurt you. I never gave up on you, through everything I was there. I just wanted to say that say I love you both, I told you always and forever that'll never change. Then that was it.

 

Its been about a month since then. And I got a text from her yesterday saying, Wantd to say hi. My son was askn bout the funny guy but told him we cldnt call. Not to sure if u'll respond. Kinda y i nevr sent my lettrs hope ur good. I responded just saying. Tell your son that I miss him and think about him everyday. That I didnt forget about him. Tell him to be good and im here for him..... so thats it theres somthings I left out theres more to it but wanted to end it before it got to to long or before it turned into a story haha.

 

But im lost and confused. She texts sometimes but I dont have words or don't know what say to her. I love them both so so much and miss them a whole lot.. especially her son. They were both a big part of me. I guess I just wanted to spend more time with them. I dont know what will happen to me in the next few years. Im sick. I just wanted to keep them close.

 

But she gave up on me and this is what she wanted so I never contacted her. She's the one who texts. I don't know what to do. She said I dont respond and I do sometimes and when I do she talks to me like she has an attitude.I don't know.

 

But ladies do you think I was wrong in what I said to her when she broke up with me? Or you think it was a good reason to break up with me? And what she did? Just need some advise on what I should do. Let me know what you think please. Thank you. And sorry for it being so long. Hope its

ot to boring haha

[dion333]

jesus that's a long post lol

 

I'm not alady, but sounds like you need to let each other have some space. Sounds like she knows she has the power and uses you as apuppet(i'm not saying she's a bad person), but she obviously fills her emotional needs when she wants to. You sound like you're really into her and she knows it. Pull back and get some control and THEN make a decision as to what you want. I think she felt like you were 'suffocating her' maybe. It doesn't sound healthy. You need to let your pain and emotions settle before you do anything with her.