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I think I'm being irrational


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Hey everybody, I would need some input on my behaviour. I apologize for the long post.


Here is a little background:

I've been with my boyfriend for over a year. We have a really good relationship and we definitely see a future together. The only issue is that we are in a semi long-distance relationship. August of last year, I accepted a job position (my dream job) in a city 3 hours from the city I used to live in (he lives there). He was supposed to move at the end of last year but due to financial difficulties he is planning on moving this Spring. He has to sell his condo and market is picking up right now.

I realize this is a huge sacrifice for him and I never put pressure on him, let him know that he could take all the time he wanted.I never even demanded that he moved. He's the one who said he wanted to move and start afresh with his work: I was overjoyed and let him know.

I go back every other weekend, he sometimes comes during the week, we talk, text every day several times a day or skype sometimes. I spent Christmas and New year's Eve with him and although we are both sad to be apart we really love each other.


Now is my problem: I am used to hearing from him everyday (he always texts me a good morning and good night text). Sometimes I am the first one to call, sometimes it's him: we don't even think about it. I was starting to worry last night when I had not heard from him for over a day (he did not text me a good night message). He drives a lot and roads are icy here. I started to imagine things and texted him a "hey how's it going?" type of message last night (early evening). He never replied: once gain that's not him. I texted him good night later again no reply.

Now I was really starting to worry and was still wide awake at 1am so I texted him again asking if he was ok (he goes to bed quite late usually). No answer. I tried calling him: he did not pick up so I left a message asking him to just let me know if he was ok as I was worried.

Finally, I did something I never do texted his roommate asking if my BFwas ok, nothing more. He replied right away saying that my BF went to bed extremely late last night and he had 2 friends over. He had gone to bed early as he was exhausted. I felt relieved but was a bit miffed he did not even bothered answering my messages.

This morning I woke up to an email saying "hey I'm fine. I went to bed really late on Saturday and decided to disconnect from the world yesterday".


And that was it. I got irrationally angry. I replied "Yea thanks. I really appreciate the fact that you never bothered replying to any of my messages and you never even thought I was going to get worried. Have a good day"


He never replied. I am second-guessing myself and I am ambivalent about the message I sent. On the one hand, I felt a little bit hurt in the sense that I thought I had a special status and getting disconnected is fine as long as you at least let me know you're ok. I didn't feel that special. On the other hand, I feel irrational was only one day! I've never been needy before, never even over thought things. I feel like an idiotic teenager. What do you guys think?

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Well, yes and no on the irrational part. If his sudden disappearance is unusual and not something that he normally does then yes, something is up and he should have at least texted you about it. It sounds like perhaps he either got hit with some bad news or is maybe having a very rough time at work suddenly and just needed to chill. A better way for you to have handled it and you still can is to send a text saying you didn't mean to snap, but it's not like him to not answer you and you got worried as to whether he was okay or not. Then ask him or call him really would be the better thing actually to talk and just be there for him. If he brings it up then explain to him that since you are not where you can see him, and his actions were out of the usual, you became very worried about him and that's why the terse reply when he finally did get back to you.


If this becomes a sudden recurring pattern though then it's time to go there and find out exactly what is going on since that becomes a different issue altogether. But for a one-time deal I think you should be more about giving him a sympathetic ear to vent and find out why he felt such a strong need to disconnect from the world.

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