Worried about possible mental disease...

[a proud nerd]

Hey everyone, I guess I'm not sure how to start all this. It's been a while since I got on this site. I guess I'll just dive right in.

 

On Christmas Eve, I broke up with my girlfriend. And since she's moved on, and I've tried, almost succeeded. But that's not what this is really about. This is about the way I've been thinking for..really my whole life. I don't know if it's common or not. People tell me it's normal, but then when I come out with my thoughts and start to put them into words when I talk to them, they look at me as if I had a third eye in the back of my throat.

 

Basically, the best, simplest way I can put it is, my brain hates me. See when an issue comes up, I immediately split everything up. And I'll even phrase it this way if someone asks me my thoughts on things. "My brain" or "my head" thinks logically and realistically. "My heart" is very emotion-driven, and that frame of mind is very fragile, constantly changing to adapt to whatever it thinks is going to be best. Then, finally, there's just me. When I refer to "me" I think of it as my core essence. Sometimes brash and quick to decide to hell with it all and just do whatever comes naturally.

 

So whenever a problem comes up, all 3 jump in and begin telling me what I should do. At least that's how it used to be. Say I liked a girl, my head would say "Well you won't know unless you ask her, might as well" and my heart responds with "well that's easy to say considering you're not the one who's gonna feel the pain when she says no." And depending on the day, I step in and decide which to go with. It was never a big deal, it's normal to second guess yourself. But I did it with everything, and people noticed. They were irritated when I responded to questions with "I don't know". And I responded that way because I didn't want to think about it and go through it all.

 

But now, things are different. The arguing sides of my head never quiet. They're constantly there, even when I'm doing something completely occupying, it's just going on in the background and I can feel it. Sometimes they even develop different versions of the voice I hear my thoughts in. It's a constant circle of what to do and how to handle things and what I really think. It makes me irritable and aggressive towards everyone sometimes, others I'm actually pretty happy with my life and I look for things I enjoy to do. Other times I'm simply determined to make it through life and its challenges, and still others I just give up and whoever I'm talking to will sometimes take it upon themselves to be kind enough to try and cheer me back up.

 

I realize a lot of this sounds pretty natural, but if you all were inside my head hearing this, you would understand why I'm worried. And I've even fought myself over whether or not it's normal. My final conclusion was to take a couple online self-tests and ask you all. So far, I've taken 4 tests. 3 for depression and 1 for bipolar disorder. They all resulted in Moderate to Severe answers, so I don't know if that's a sign to trust them or a sign that they are just telling me that.

 

Please, if you're reading this, tell me what I can do. I'm sick of the noise. I miss the peace and quiet and being able to lay down at night and relax.

[Seraphim]

I don't think you have any serious mental defect. Most online tests are full of crap. You sound like a typical teenager really. And I mean that in a good way.

[Forrest99]

I'm a student mental health Nurse.

& from my experience of working with people who have mental health issues, you sincerely (from what you've written) do not seem to have any significant mental health symptoms.

I myself can identify with what you've written, as I do have conflicting thoughts and feelings at times. I believe it's your mind just taking everything into consideration and ensuring that you've thought about what you're doing; before you do it. So that you're mentally aware of the consequences.

 

If you are worried, or if you believe you suffer from bipolar/unipolar depression; then you should visit your GP. Your GP may refer you for a psychiatric evaluation if he/she has any concerns.

[a proud nerd]

I'm a student mental health Nurse.

& from my experience of working with people who have mental health issues, you sincerely (from what you've written) do not seem to have any significant mental health symptoms.

I myself can identify with what you've written, as I do have conflicting thoughts and feelings at times. I believe it's your mind just taking everything into consideration and ensuring that you've thought about what you're doing; before you do it. So that you're mentally aware of the consequences.

 

If you are worried, or if you believe you suffer from bipolar/unipolar depression; then you should visit your GP. Your GP may refer you for a psychiatric evaluation if he/she has any concerns.

 

Thank you both, it's definitely helped put me at ease. I know it was dumb to post something like this in a forum with people who actually need help, but I just couldn't let it eat away at me anymore. What is GP?

 

And how can I make this go away? It's not just when I have a decision anymore. It's always there thinking about why this or that, what if I did this instead, what do I want, what can I do, how should I go about this or that. Yesterday I was able to actually keep it quiet for about 5 minutes before it came back so strongly it physically hurt.

[Seraphim]

GP is a general practitioner or in other words your doctor. But really a lot of teens wonder what if this what if that ,what if the other, in other words are very confused. I have a teenager I know.

[offplanet]

Google meditation techniques. If you learn to do this it will fix the problem.

[Capricorn3]

The only thing that makes sense to me (if you are really concerned) is to see your doctor and get a proper, professional diagnosis and IF he finds anything, he can refer you to a psychologist if deemed necessary. It is always a VERY BAD idea to self-diagnose and play a guessing game as it doesn't get you anywhere, nor does it solve the problem (if indeed there is one in the first place). See a doctor.

 

Having said that, I agree with Victoria - a lot of it sounds like typical teenage angst.

[a proud nerd]

The only thing that makes sense to me (if you are really concerned) is to see your doctor and get a proper, professional diagnosis and IF he finds anything, he can refer you to a psychologist if deemed necessary. It is always a VERY BAD idea to self-diagnose and play a guessing game as it doesn't get you anywhere, nor does it solve the problem (if indeed there is one in the first place). See a doctor.

 

Having said that, I agree with Victoria - a lot of it sounds like typical teenage angst.

 

Thank you. The next time I see my doctor I'll discuss it with him. I think it's all stemming from the stress I've been under lately. I gave up most of my life and lost interest in other things as I worked on my relationship with my ex. But unfortunately she just couldn't handle it anymore and although we both tried very hard to save it, at least I did, she seems convinced she did as well, sometimes it just can't be done. So now that we're over, I now have to do everything again. I have to deal with my own stress with no one and nowhere to vent, I have to rekindle my love for things I stopped caring about, I have to try and reel back in the friends and family members who I've shunned, and along the way I have to deal with the breakup. And the way things happened...I was dumb about it. Damnit I was dumb. I did a typical stupid teenager thing to do and did like a pretend proposal because we felt like we really were going to be together. So one day I just did it, and it was like a Facebook marriage over Skype, but I took it really seriously. I really got to the point I considered her pretty much my wife. And the way things happened as we ended...she became the kind of person she used to hate, someone I couldn't be with and lately I've been feeling like a male widow. And damnit I wish this didn't sound so naive! Ugh I was always so used to being so in control of myself. I guess the things a woman does to a teenage boy's mind eh?

 

Look thank you all for your help. I knew in all likelihood there was nothing, but I figured I'd rather ask and look stupid than keep it hidden and look stupid. And it's better for me to know absolutely I'm just overreacting and I don't have any kind of disorder.