There is nothing wrong with you.

[Strung_Out00]

After a relationship ends, it seems that a lot of people play the "what if" game until they are blue in the face. They constantly look back to fights and issues and say "If I only I had __________". I'm guilty of this also. I've spent these past months dissecting everything in my head. Every fight, every time I said no, every time that I said the wrong thing. Here's the deal: NONE OF THAT MATTERS. Unless you were a cheater or abusive, there's really nothing you could've done to veer your relationship off the path it was on. I hate to use the word "destiny", but you and your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/ were destined to end up here.

 

Sometimes breakups and divorces just happen. People change. They changed. You changed. Sometimes change brings you closer together and sometimes change pushes you apart. Be grateful for the time you had together. There's no time in life to be angry, bitter or hold grudges against them. In fact, love is none of those things. If you love someone, set them free. It's clichéd and tired, but it's true. There's no written rule that says you have to stop loving them forever. Part of me will always hold a special place for her. I am thankful that the roads we traveled became one for the time we spent with each other.

 

Unless you are a cheater, serial liar, or an abuser, there is nothing wrong with you. You are not worthless. You are not a broken person. They changed and realized that they wanted more than you could offer or they found a new shiny toy to play with. You deserve better than that. Think about it this way: Your ex actually did you a favor by letting you go to find someone who will appreciate all you are and love you in spite all of your shortcomings and faults.

 

I know how hard this is. I know all about the panic and pain. I am all too familiar with the tears and sorrow. I know the gut wrenching realization that the person that was most important in your life is now nothing more than a stranger. Life falls back to the way it was before you met. The two of you are now on separate paths once again that are diverging further apart with each passing moment. There's always the chance that years down the road your paths will meet up again and more times than not, your paths stay separate forever and THAT IS OKAY.

 

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU. You gave your best, and sometimes in life your best isn't enough, but you live to face another day. you live to learn and grow. You take back bits and pieces of yourself that you may have lost while with them. You may also cherish the bits and pieces of your ex that are now in you. I know I do. Do not get me wrong, I miss her. There's days where life doesn't have a whole lot of meaning to me. I was so used to living for someone else I forgot how to live for myself. Cherish what you have instead of focusing on what you don't. I guarantee you that he or she isn't sitting around holding a candle waiting for the phone to ring. The situation you so suddenly found yourself in was months in the making for your ex.

 

One person who exited your life does not define your self-worth. They showed their true colors the day they said "It's over'. I know they say that living well is the best revenge, but why improve yourself for them? IMPROVE YOURSELF FOR YOURSELF. It doesn't matter how buff you get, how tan you are, how great you look in your new wardrobe, it is not going to change how they feel and once again that is okay and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU.

 

 

So they didn't appreciate what they had and who you are? Screw 'em. The person you thought they were ran right out the door the moment they ended things.

 

 

 

"Leave the memories alone. I don't want to see the way it is as to how it used to be."

[throwaway13]

Great post. Thank you!

[willpower123]

Amazing post!

[wowor]

These words ring truer in my healing process now than they initially did.

 

I recognize that letting go of love means reverting it to its purest form, which is free. Love should never be an obligation or have strings attached to it. Love is love, and sometimes life brings you to a point where a journey has ended.

[Tom1990]

Well said. I'm at a point where I'm remembering the one thing I did that ruined things. She did plenty herself, I assure you. But I know my fault in the matter, and I have yet to forgive myself. I'm working on it. But wise words indeed.

[wilyone 11]

Not every relationship is meant to last forever.

 

I ended a 15-year relationship because I just didn't feel anything for him anymore. It had nothing at all to do with anything he did, didn't do, said or didn't say. We simply grew apart. There is NOTHING he could have done differently to change my mind or regain my attraction.

 

When the energy leaves a relationship, I think it's just the universe's way of pushing you into new relationships and growth experiences. You learn something different from every person you're involved with. When you've learned everything you can from one relationship, it will often be replaced by another. Don't fight it, don't feel like a failure but instead appreciate what you gained from the relationship and look forward to the future.

[mhowe]

"I love you" is a statement of fact, not a promise. Not a contract.

 

And a relationship only "works" to the extent that both people are committed to making it happen.

 

OP right on the money -- even if it ends, it does nothing to diminish the time shared.

[6yearexplosion]

I read this post, and it made me miss her, dammit

[sportsguy9981]

I agree with what was said here, I just wish people werent so damn selfish.. if you want a divorce or a breakup because you dont feel anything anymore, just go get one.. that doesnt seem right to me. Where's the loyalty and commitment nowdays. I agree that people's ex's did them a favor by leaving, but what if every serious relationship you get into , the ex just leaves? I mean, the honeymoon phase is great but if you dont stay with someone and work out your differences and plan together, then basically the dumper is just using the person in my opinion. I can see that certain people are better for you then others, and you dont want to be with a cheater, or abuser I get that.. but I really feel like its just too easy to break up now days. I want someone with some loyalty, and if you put your job and other things ahead of your relationship then basically its very easy to say you fell out of love, because you didnt make your love with someone a priority!!!

[Lambo]

Great post man.

 

I'll never forget the moments I've had with her. She's dumped me for someone else. I'll find someone who loves me for who I am. In the meantime, I'm going to improve myself, take her out of my life and fine love again

[mhowe]

I agree with what was said here, I just wish people werent so damn selfish.. if you want a divorce or a breakup because you dont feel anything anymore, just go get one.. that doesnt seem right to me. Where's the loyalty and commitment nowdays. I agree that people's ex's did them a favor by leaving, but what if every serious relationship you get into , the ex just leaves? I mean, the honeymoon phase is great but if you dont stay with someone and work out your differences and plan together, then basically the dumper is just using the person in my opinion.

 

Then choose someone who shares your values about commitment. Not everyone does.

[sportsguy9981]

Then choose someone who shares your values about commitment. Not everyone does.

 

Yeah thats the thing, I thought I did choose someone who did share my values and commitment, but I'm starting to think it was all just the honeymoon phase.. after that's over with, there's usually red flags to watch out for that I ignored, when she quit doing the things I enjoyed, when all she cared about was her job, when her family always came first still, I should've just left. Turns out she ended up leaving, cheating first... I realize its for the best now but it doesn't take away the pain.. I'd almost rather skip the honeymoon phase and get right to the point, either you are willing to compremise or your not, when things are more real after awhile then you're able to know more about the future.